All Cheerleaders Die – review

Directors: Lucky McKee & Chris Sivertson

Release Date: 2013

Contains spoilers

When I watched the All Cheerleaders Die trailer I was struck that it looked a little like a low-end Jennifer’s Body with more than one reanimated cheerleader. As it is, the film is much more obviously vampire – though the lore is fairly much its own in terms of the reanimation process.

However, things are not perfect. I said the trailer looked low-end – in fact the final movie is of a higher filmic quality than I expected – but what, of course, the trailer didn’t put across was the fact that there was more needed within the film – more deaths and more tension primarily.

filming Lexi

The film starts off with the unlikely pairing of head cheerleader Lexi (Felisha Cooper) and Maddy (Caitlin Stasey) as Maddy filmed a day in the life of a cheerleader. Lexi takes her around her world, explaining the fact that cheerleading is a dangerous sport and that proves prophetic as there is an accident and Lexi dies due to a toss gone wrong. Maddy is one of the girls that goes to try out for Lexi’s unfortunately vacated squad slot – to the initial disgust of new head cheerleader Tracy (Brooke Butler). However Maddy used to do gymnastics with Lexi and she earns the squad place

Maddy tries out

Later, recording her video diary, we see that Maddy is disingenuous about her place on the team. She is doing it to get at Terry and, it would seem, Tracy who are now together. Actually we later hear that Tracy was a means to an end and it was simply Terry she was going for as he raped Maddy when she was filming a memorial video for Lexi. This could have actually been said from the beginning and was a bit of a pointless later reveal – the early knowledge of what Terry was like would have helped carry some cinematic momentum. She goes off to a pool party with Tracy – brushing off her erstwhile girlfriend Lenna (Sianoa Smit-McPhee)

Sianoa Smit-McPhee as Lenna

The football team turns up at the party but are given short shrift as it is a girl only event. However Terry gives Tracy a bracelet he found (actually we again later discover it is Maddy’s, ripped off her during the rape, again early disclosure of this would have been better). Maddy tells Tracy that she had seen Terry with another girl, Tracy buys it and has a bit of a Sapphic kiss with Maddy seen by Terry. At a party after the first match the two girls make out (seen by Lenna who is a practising witch and trying to protect Maddy as she believes the omens are against the girl – plus she’s kind of a creepy stalker, not enough was done with this). There is an altercation with Terry, who punches Tracy and then the cheerleaders (including sisters Hannah (Amanda Grace Cooper) and Martha (Reanin Johannink)) drive off, pursued by the Jocks. They crash and drive into a river – the Jocks do not help them.

reanimation

However Lenna has seen it and pulls the dead bodies from the water. Earlier we had seen her talking, to team mascot wearer Hannah, about the stones she used for magic and the danger of spells (consequences such as a mother wishing her soldier son home and him returning in a body bag) – Hannah has some issues as she loves a Jock named Manny (Leigh Parker) but he fancies her sister. Despite the earlier warning Lenna realises the stones are reacting to the blood and she uses her own blood to cast a spell. Four green stones embed in the dead girls and a purple stone embeds into Lenna – the girls return from the dead.

victim

The girls awaken in the morning at Lenna’s home and there has to be some persuasion of what has happened. We also discover that the sisters have swapped bodies (this is used in film but could have been expanded around). Tracy is hungry and goes to Lenna’s neighbour Larry (Michael Bowen), after some drinking milk and throwing it up she opens a vein in his neck with a nail. The crystals in all the girls start to glow and they all feel it. The four girls feed on Larry’s blood, leaving a desiccated corpse with the life drained from it.

blood sucked through the air

Now, I said about needing more – there is another vampiric kill, with the stone leaving Tracy’s body and burying itself into her victim and then the blood leaving his body and flying through the air to her mouth before the stone reinserts itself. However there could have been more done. Terry works out very quickly what is happening and then starts cutting stones out of cheerleaders (which kills them) and eating them to gain power. This was a leap – why did he do this? The film could have done more with him and spread that out. Of course Maddy’s duplicity also comes to light but there was not enough done with the fact that the girls all feel what each other feels but have a rupture in their unity is never really played with.

into the school

So much more could be done but resurrection by magic stone was fairly unique. Other than that apparently major trauma can kill one of these vampires as well as losing their stone. Their renewed life lasts a pitifully small amount of time – hence not much is done within the film, though there is a (more zombieish) late resurrection that opens the film for a sequel. The acting is ok but the characters we meet in detail are mainly two dimensional and others are little more than ciphers. Sianoa Smit-McPhee tries her best to channel Fairuza Balk in the Craft (including switching from odd to – straight after the spell – hot) but, like everyone else, has little to play with.

sequel fodder

There seems to be little in the way of killers remorse emoted by the girls (except for Maddy, who is slightly bothered by thoughts of a life of blood drinking, but even that is minimal) and Terry does not come across as that badass for the focal bad guy. This had a lot of potential but the potential is squandered by not doing enough with it. As it was, the film was ok but that’s about the best I can say about it. 4 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Home Again, Home Again

I’m just back from the Bram Stoker International Film Festival and what a great time I had. Thanks to the friends I attend with and the friends I have at the festival also.

Vampire wise there were the films I mentioned when leaving – unfortunately I did miss the Japanese short Anemia as it did clash with Fields of the Nephilim (who were as superb as ever) and even more unfortunately el Vampiro did not show for technical reasons. However there was also short film the Dark Hours that was definitely vampiric and also Hansel and Gretel and the 420 Witch, an excellent comedy with a vampiric witch that I hope to feature in the near future.

No review at TMtV today but my review of Anne Rice’s new novel Prince Lestat went live at vamped yesterday – check it out here.

Offline for a short while

I’m afraid I’m putting TMtV into hiatus for a short while, but for the best of reasons. I am about to wander Whitby bound for the annual Bram Stoker International Film Festival, which long time readers of the blog will know is a regular pilgrimage for me.

This year the festival has a lot of vampire goodies on offer – though little that we haven’t covered on the blog. An exception to that is on Friday when they are showing the short Japanese film Anemia – my worry is that it will clash with the Fields of the Nephilim who are playing the festival that night.

However other goodies that I will be able to watch on the big screen are: (Zinda Laash) Dracula in Pakistan,TikTik the Aswang Chronicles, The Sadist with red teeth, Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein, El Vampiro and The Hunger.

As well as these there is a whole cornucopia of horror films to watch over the five days and I will see you all after the event.

Vamp or Not? Flesh for the Beast

This was a low budget film from 2003, directed by Terry M. West and is a film about succubi. But, as we know, there is a Hell of a lot (pardon the pun) of crossover between vampires and succubi both within the media setting and in folklore (especially when tied in through the mare folklore). As such I ensure that I do check out films that feature a succubus or two.

This is not always a positive experience for me, however. This flick could have been more positive than it was, there were glimmers in there but the film rushed to the “money shot” in the horror sense of the word and thus failed to build the tension that was necessary.

Jane Scarlett as Erin

The prologue of the film sees a man running round a cellar area, screaming that they’re all gone and, when he does meet a fellow survivor they are quickly dragged off by an unseen something (leaving a severed arm behind). It’s nothing new; it’s neither brilliantly done nor awful. It just was, and then segues into a group of parapsychologists turning up at the Fisher House for an investigation.

Clark Beasley Jr. as Ted

The team are: Ted Sturgeon (Clark Beasley Jr.) leader, tough guy and human energy detector, Jack Ketchum (Jim Coope) and Monks (David Runco), video experts Clegg (Aaron Clayton) and Shelly (Michael Sinterniklaas, Blade the anime (English dub)) and psychic Erin (Jane Scarlett). They are meeting the new house owner (and dodgy occultist) John Stoker (Sergio Jones) who officially wants them to check the house out but actually is searching for a certain amulet.

zombies?

So the team split up to check the house, leaving Monks at a control booth. Almost immediately Ted is set upon by something and herein lies the issue with rushing to attack the team. It felt as though there was precious little time to build a rapport with the characters and expand their characters beyond a quick 2D cut-out. There was certainly no real time to build any form of tension. So what do we get monster wise? Well some of the team see what might be zombies (and they are called so in the credits) but I got the feeling that they were more like spectres of past victims (what with them appearing and disappearing) than flesh and rot zombies and they did not seem to pose a real danger.

demon face

The danger came in the form of three succubi (Caroline Hoermann, Ruby Larocca & Barbara Joyce), apparently trapped in the house. They had been whores who had worked from the house for Fisher and had remained there through the intervening decades. We see them in human and demon form, they can change appearance to look like other women and, unusually for succubi – who are normally consumers of (sexual) energy – they are flesh eaters. They do like to play, sexually, with their food however.

Caroline Munro as the gypsy

I got the impression from the dialogue that they had actually been human once and the bodies were host to demonic presences (whether brought back from the dead by the demonic force or simply possessed whilst alive, is unclear). The amulet Stoker is searching for is one that allows the succubi to be controlled and was given to Fisher by a mysterious gypsy (Caroline Munro, Dracula AD 1972, Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter, Nite Owl, Absence of Light & Midsomer Murders: Death and the Divas) who paid a high price for handing him the gift.

succubus

So, is it ‘Vamp or Not?’ Well there is always a temptation to include succubi as a form of energy vampire but they are not such a thing in this case. Their victims become undead – either spectral or zombie creatures – and the succubi eat flesh, which some vampire types do. They are possessed or reanimated by demons – and the idea that a vampire is a corpse animated by a demonic force is both one of the folkloric vampire theories and occurs as a trope in such series as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They are possessed by a voracious hunger (for flesh) and have a sexual aspect to their nature – they seem to be able to read the desires/fears of their victims.

succubus

There is another aspect that I don’t want to mention because it is a spoiler too far and, to be fair, whilst it might impact the ‘Vamp or Not?’ debate it would serve, I think, to confuse matters rather than shed light on them. I really wanted to go ‘Not’ on this but the more I thought about it the more I saw that the tropes owed as much to vampire flicks (with some zombie aspects around the victims) as it did to anything else. So it’s a reluctant Vamp.

The imdb page is here.

Honourable Mention: Epitaph: Bread and Salt

Nathyn Masters had a vision and to create that vision he made a comic book. As well as a comic book he made this low budget (big ambition) prequel movie, which was released in 2013. Whilst you can buy the movie he has made it free to watch on YouTube.

Now, to be fair, it is the fact that it is free to watch that has led to me covering it as an ‘Honourable Mention’ rather than reviewing it and I will say from the outset that the film is flawed. However it is inexperience and low budget that has primarily flawed it and Masters has done much with little.

death by confetti

It begins with a woman, known as Fist of God AKA Sarah (Marissa Joy) and her brother Rabbi Adam Hassan (Vahan Artin), as they fight a group of vampires using guns (silenced) and melee weapons. The vampires, as they die, explode in what can only be described as a flurry of confetti. Its not the best effect but bear in mind the budget. We then see a character called Victor (Nathyn Masters) getting ready for work.

Victor at work

Nathan works as a clerk of some sort in an office and does church volunteer work but, also, he can detect supernatural creatures with a spidey-sense type ability. He hunts them too and is a foretold warrior called the Avatar. What being the Avatar means is not exactly explained but all sorts of people either want a piece of him or want him on side. The Jewish vampire hunters want to work with him but a group of Lilith worshipping women also want him to side with them.

zombie (& unfortunate makeup)

We get genetic engineering conglomerates, demons, vampires and psi-enhancing drugs. We get Nephilim (or their off-spring), wizards and we get a woman, Cassie (Jenna Ambien Halvorson), turned into a zombie – or so it would seem, though the green makeup used is unfortunate, to say the least. So there is a rich cornucopia of storyline but all is not good with it unfortunately.

a gaggle of vampires

I cringed when the rabbi suggested that the descent of civilisation into evil was due to various things including promiscuity and homosexuality. As these were the views of the good guys it suggested a bigotry that was unpleasant. Beyond that, the story itself was too complicated in places, with many aspects hanging unresolved and frustratingly underexplored. The story has little in the way of resolution – though as a prequel I suppose that the themes are continued and explored further in the comics.

vampire

The directing needed tightening, the film could do with a strong edit and, you know what, I’m feeling mean because, as I say, the very weakness of the convoluted story is also the film’s strength. Masters clearly has a set of stories he wants to tell. Inexperience is probably the key (though he has other directing credits) and that old bugbear budget. But he has done something most of us won’t and has done so with vision if not perfect execution.

The imdb page is here.

Doctor Who: Mummy on the Orient Express – review

Director: Paul Wilmshurst

First aired: 2014

Contains spoilers

The latest incarnation of Doctor Who managed to get my attention back. Other than the Vampire of Venice and the Rings of Arkhaten - both of which were vampire episodes (the second an energy vampire) – and the special that contained the death of the Doctor, I was pretty much cold on the Matt Smith era.

the Doctor and Perkins

This wasn’t the fault of the actor, who really did play an old man in a young body exceptionally well, but more to do with the writing and direction. However the actor behind the new Doctor, Peter Capaldi (Lair of the White Worm), has long been a favourite thespian and so I gave this incarnation a chance and I was impressed by the way the actor (and thus the writers) have taken the character – perhaps not as impressed as I should have been, but I’ll explain that in a short while.

Clara and the Doctor

So Clara (Jenna Coleman) and the Doctor are having relationship problems since his regeneration and much of that (beyond the fact that he is older in appearance, and there has been a suggestion of that level of shallowness) is down to the fact that the Doctor no longer really knows who he is. The Time Lord has passed his maximum regenerations (having been given perhaps limitless regenerations by the hidden people of Gallifrey) and seems – finally – to be coming to terms with the incarnation known as the War Doctor. Thus this season has seen repeated mentions of war, of leadership, of the ambiguity of heroism – indeed this has been further embodied in Clara’s new boyfriend Danny Pink (Samuel Anderson). So, as a last hoorah, the Doctor takes Clara onto the Orient Express.

the Foretold

However, this is a replica that flies through space and we have already seen a passenger (Janet Henfrey, Doctor Who: the Curse of Fenric) killed by a mummy. Only she could see it and a counter started for us. The creature is The Foretold (Jamie Hill) a mythical Mummy who appears to those about to die at its hands but is invisible to everyone else. The counter signifies that it takes exactly 66 seconds to kill its victim. The Foretold appears wherever a specific scroll is and it turns out that those on the train are all scientists enticed aboard so that they can be forced to study it.

draining a victim

So, you might ask, if it is a mummy, why are we looking at this? The Doctor, working primarily with the train’s chief engineer Perkins (Frank Skinner), realises that the 66 seconds is significant. The Mummy puts the victim out of phase and powers up a device that drains their energy, in fact Perkins actually suggests that it is a vampire – metaphorically. What we have is a soldier from an ancient forgotten war, who was killed and resuscitated by tech that will now never let him die but needs the energy of the living to keep the tech running…

Jelly Babies

This was a fun episode that had some nods to earlier incarnations. The Doctor asks the Foretold, “Are you my mummy?” repeating a line from the Christopher Ecclestone incarnation episode The Empty Child. He also offers out a jelly baby bringing the Tom Baker era straight to mind. The series generally has been better than Who has been of late and this is primarily down to Capaldi and the way he and the writers are exploring the character. However I do think it could be stronger as I find some of the in season writing a little weaker than it might be. There is a new dark edge to the character but that edge is not being exploited as much as it might be. However, this is the BBC.

That said, I enjoyed this episode. 7 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

A Night at the Theatre and a Kickstarter

Hello to all TMtV readers. I have been approached by a couple of folks about an event and a kickstarter and I wanted to share them with you.

First of all, good friend of the blog Margaret let me know about a silent theatre company’s version of Nosferatu that is being performed at Prop Thtr, which is at 3502 N Elston Ave in Chicago. The play runs Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays from 19th October to the 23rd November. Tickets can be bought here.

Honestly this sounds absolutely fabulous and if I wasn’t an Ocean away I’d be there. So if you are in the Chicago region why not give it a go and let us know what you thought in the comments.

I was also contacted by Chris Denmead who has a kickstarter running for his new version of Dracula – the kickstarter page is here.

Chris has decided to remake the story in a modern setting, though he is using black and white rather than colour. However the really interesting aspect of the remake is the fact that he is gender swapping all the characters. So, Dracula is now female as is Harker and Renfield. The brides, on the other hand, will be male.

Will this work? Chris has made a no-budget short, Dracula’s Guest, to showcase the idea and I’ve embedded the video of it below.

Diabolik Lovers – season 1 – review

Directed by: Shinobu Tagashira

First aired: 2013

Contains spoilers

When I first started to watch Diabolik Lovers I expected it to be an example of a Shōjo anime, one created for a primarily female audience. The anime, after all, was based on a dating game. However, if it was aimed at a female audience one wonders at the mentality behind it.

Yui arrives

The series starts with Yui (Rie Suegara) a young lady who was brought up by her father (adopted I think) who was a priest. For some reason he has to move away for the church and has directed her to a large house in which she is now to live. When she gets there she meets the inhabitants, seven brothers who are all revealed – in the first episode – to be vampires.

Laito is one of the brothers

Yui is then tormented by the brothers. One calls her pancake – a slur regarding her body shape – another calls her Little Bitch. They occasionally fight over her but, ultimately, they all feed from her. Her blood triggers memories of the past for them. We discover that they all have the same father but three different mothers. We discover that their upbringing was generally abusive. However the way they treat Yui is sociopathic at best. Whilst this is perhaps understandable – they are vampires after all – her reaction is subservient and thus not positively drawn.

forlorn hope

The episodes are less than 15 minutes in length (including credits) and yet each one piles a bit more abuse on the girl. There is a mystery as, apparently, her father has handed her to the vampires as a sacrificial bride and we do not know why. This is never answered (though finding the truth becomes her motivation for staying when she gets chance to escape). We don't get a lot of lore but Yui discovers that crosses don't work against these vampires. In the last quarter of the series, however, the story shifts.

a bite

Whilst still being abused by the brothers, we discover at this point that the brides never survive awakening – that is becoming vampire themselves. However Yui has the heart of Cordelia (Akane Tomonaga) within her – how it got there or, indeed, how she is unaware of this little fact is beyond me. The heart was cut from the dying Cordelia (the most sociopathic of the mothers) by her husband’s brother Richter (Jun Konno). He was having an affair with her and finds her after her sons kill her. Implanting the heart into Yui will allow Cordelia’s spirit to possess the girl’s body.

sword play

So, its blooming weird and, given its based on a dating game, more than a little sordid. The negativity is hard to justify but, in its favour, the brevity of the episodes means it doesn’t outstay its welcome. The animation itself is sometimes lovely. The story patchy and flimsy. All in all not the best anime, by a long shot, and hardly one that suggests a positive romantic pattern. 3.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Morbius: The Living Vampire: The Man Called Morbius – review

Writer: Joe Keating (with Dan Slott)

Illustrator: Various

First published: 2013 (collection)

Contains spoilers

The Blurb: Somewhere inside Doctor Michael Morbius is a good man who just needs a second chance. NOW!, after escaping from the Raft, Morbius the Living Vampire is scraping desperately through each day, on the run and desperate to quell his vampiric tendencies. Will he be able to resist the siren song of blissful bloodsucking, or will Spider-Man sling him straight back into the slammer? And will his redemption turn out to be worse than his sin? As Morbius tries to stay under the radar, a new threat arises, and they want Morbius dead. But after inciting a gang war, will Morbius be able to protect the new friends?

COLLECTING: Morbius: The Living Vampire 1-9, Amazing Spider-Man 699.1. Also includes exclusive AR video content!

The review: One thing that struck me very much about this – not being a dedicated Marvel fan – was that by the end of volume #1 of the Living vampire series Morbius had, in his own words, died twice – perhaps he was just injured (to a degree where a normal person would be dead) but he mentions being a dead man and a dead vampire – so surely he should have become Morbius the undead vampire? No... I'm probably spoiling the concept of the character to even suggest it.

Rather than that we have Michael Morbius, sufferer from a rare blood disease who, whilst trying to cure himself, manages to transform himself into a living vampire. He has few of the disadvantages other than a sensitivity to sunlight (though he doesn’t burn up) and the bloodlust.

What’s rather nice about the series is that, despite the superhero universe, Morbius is no hero – and when he tries to do good he tends to make things worse. Part of me missed the early Vampire Tales stories where Morbius was faced with a demon cult and there was a definitive supernatural element. However by moving the story into the mundane, and by eschewing an “end of the world” story for something much more small town focused and actually corporate at heart, the writers managed to change focus and make the story more interesting for that.

Spider-man does make an appearance during the full story, as do some of the more famous super-villains in the escape from the Rift Spider-Man volume, and the Legion of Monsters cameo towards the end.

The artwork worked for me more through the Morbius comics than the Spider-man comic – but that was personal preference more than anything. The vaunted AR (where you can get extras on your phone by aiming an app at certain pages) never seemed to work for me however.

6.5 out of 10.

The Theology of Dracula: Reading the Book of Stoker as Sacred Text – review

Author: Noël Montague-Étienne Rarignac

First published: 2012

Contains spoilers

The Blurb: Few books have so seized the public imagination as Bram Stoker's Dracula, even more popular now than when it was first published in 1897. This critical work represents a rereading of the horror classic as a Christian text, one that alchemizes Platonism, Gnosticism, Mariology and Christian resurrection in a tale that explores the grotesque. Of particular interest is the way in which the Dracula narrative emerges from earlier vampire tales, which juxtapose Apollonian and Dionysian impulses. A strong addition to vampire and horror scholarship.

The review: There is no doubt that Noël Montague-Étienne Rarignac is both highly intelligent and well read. Yet there was something about this book – as strongly as it was written – that left a bad taste in the mouth on an intellectual level.

It wasn’t the tying in of Polidori’s the vampyre, along with Nodier and Dumas into a spiritual development of the vampire trope. More it was the concept that this was a conscious choice on behalf of the authors/playwrights.

If Rarignac had suggested that he could see these patterns within, that is one thing, but I believe it to be a step too far to believe that Stoker was writing a book of gnosis. For instance, I was struck by a footnote that suggests a line from Lucy, regarding Desdemona, was not the casual racism that it is accused off but something more profound. Of course the likelihood is that an Othello reference was there because Stoker was employed in the theatre (indeed Irving had played Othello certainly just before their partnership) and the apparent casual racism was what it looked like – Rarignac, however, suggests Stoker is “attempting to clarify more strongly the significance of Quincey Morris—i.e., More is: The man subjecting Desdemona’s ear to a flow of words, Othello, is not a black man; he is a “Moor”. Quincey Moor-is Is-more than Quincey; he is Adam.” I adore Dracula and thus have high regard for the book’s author, but Stoker was not James Joyce and Dracula is not Finnegan’s Wake – I fear Rarignac reads way too much in.

The author also leaves things out. I mentioned the timeline of prose/plays that is used as evidence. Rarignac tells us that pre-Stoker the female characters in vampire tales were, “Passive objects lacking original volition.” One questions whether that is true of, say, Ziska – the ghoul in Dumas’ play that the author uses as a piece of his puzzle. But the author has certainly overlooked, entirely, Carmilla - being the best known of the 19th century vampire stories with strong female characters/female-centric plots and a story which we are fairly sure Stoker was aware of.

However, turning back to Stoker’s novel, not only was the description of Arthur staking Lucy as "wielding Thor’s hammer" very quickly covered, to the point that it felt almost ignored, but the entire devil aspect of the story was ignored. We know Stoker believed Dracula meant devil, we know the Count used the pseudonym Count De Ville and we know he was schooled in the Scholomance by the devil himself. Stoker clearly included these references for a purpose and, whether they fit with the hypothesis put forward here or not, they should be explored due to the direct Christian mythology invoked. Not mentioning this at all undermines, for me, any argument that Stoker was deliberately creating an alchemical or gnostic text – as the author has not addressed the content of Stoker’s text. I also noted that Rarignac uses Un-Dead in the modern sense of the word, however Anthony Hogg did uncover an earlier use of the word, which had a religious connotation that could have built into the author’s argument.

Nevertheless (and despite the bad taste I mentioned) this was a great piece of theoretical writing, I disagree with the conclusion but I enjoyed the journey. 6 out of 10.

First Impressions: Dracula Untold

So it was off to the cinema to see the Gary Shore directed new Dracula movie and I held low expectations to be honest. So let’s get the obvious out of the way… It is a Dracula origin story, using Prince Vlad III as the model. As such it has little to do with Stoker’s novel (for the full explanation of the lack of connection between character in novel and historical personage go here) and – to be honest – precious little to do with the historical Prince Vlad either.

But the fact that it was all so spurious worked in the film's favour. Realising that the writers had just gone off on a fictional trail of their own, ignoring anything vaguely resembling historical (or novel) voracity, made the film that much easy to watch. What we had then was a vampire sword and sorcery with big (mostly cgi and bat related) set pieces. Think of it a little on the same level as Underworld: Rise of the Lycans without werewolves. Indeed, this film was endangered by the same thing that did for the Underworld prequel – the fact that we walked in knowing the ending… except this managed not to suffer for that and managed to keep an interest and, dare I say it, a degree of tension that U:RotL failed to create.

Luke Evans as Vlad

So we have Vlad (Luke Evans) who, as a child, was sent as hostage to the Turks and beaten and moulded into an elite warrior in the janissaries. It was with these that he gained the sobriquet Impaler. After the wars he returned to Transylvania to be the ruler. He married Mirena (Sarah Gadon) and they had a son called Ingeras (Art Parkinson). For a time the principality was at peace – with Vlad paying a tribute to the sultan – now Mehmed (Dominic Cooper, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter). If you are a student of history you can now cry out in agony…. Done… Let us continue…

into the cave

As the film starts Vlad and his men have found the broken helmet of a Turkish scout. Vlad sends most of the men back to his castle, in order to increase the guard, whilst he goes to a nearby mountain, the place from where the helmet seems to have come from. They get to a cave and assume that the Turks are inside, given that disturbed bats fly out of the cave and its daytime. Inside Vlad finds that the cave is strewn with bones. The two men are quickly killed and he manages to retreat from the creature (Charles Dance, Underworld Awakening). In the mouth of the cave he sees the creature’s blood, which he has managed to get on his sword blade, burn-up in the light. Back at the castle a monk, Brother Lucian (Paul Kaye, Being Human), tells him the history of the man who tried to make a pact with a demon for immortality and was now the vampire trapped forever in the cave.

the second encounter

However, its Easter and there is much to celebrate, until Mehmet’s emissary arrives early for the Sultan’s tribute and, this year, the Sultan has decided to demand a thousand youths for his armies. Vlad, at Mirena’s urging, goes to Mehmet to ask that he not take the boys and ends up being told he also has to hand over Ingeras as well. This nearly happens but rather than hand the boy over Vlad kills the Turks sent to collect him and brings the wrath of the Sultan on his lands. Without a by-your-leave Vlad is shooting off to make a deal with the vampire. The vampire lets him drink his blood – which gives Vlad his powers for three days. If Vlad can resist feeding he will be restored but should he succumb he’ll be damned for eternity and the Master Vampire will be able to escape his cave as well…

I am vampire

And that’s how the film begins. There are bits that… well I was going to say they don’t gel but, truth be told, that’s a little harsh… perhaps are just a tad glossed over – such as why Vlad immediately goes to the vampire rather than try to defend his lands and then – as a last ditch, at the brink of defeat – makes his Faustian deal. However, this is a popcorn movie and the gloss over is what it is, a segue into set pieces and action. I wasn’t particularly convinced that there was any particular chemistry or great love between Mirena and Vlad but again it’s a catalyst relationship.

vampire staked

The key to the film’s plot is in the phrase in the paragraph above – Faustian Deal. The key to the appeal of the film is in the bucket of popcorn and enjoying the ride. Actually, it was the coda that really tweaked my interest, seeing where this could go in a sequel. Beyond that its watch Vlad turn into a flock of bats and swoop through Turkish troops. That reminds me to mention lore – apotropaic materials are silver and sunlight. Holy items are only effective if the vampire has fed and is fully turned. Vlad is fast and strong, he can both control bats and turn into bats. The powers are really very formidable but that just adds to the popcorn aspect.

I’d say worth a watch. The imdb page is here.

in sunlight

Edit 15.02.2015: Having rewatched the film on DVD it certainly retains that popcorn movie status. Indeed this is simply a superhero movie with an anti-hero at the centre, though one still wonders at his motivations; my comment above about things being glossed over stands. Of course the modern day coda indicates the way forward for the Universal franchise, which has really shrugged away from horror. However sad that might be as a concept, the idea of the sequel still has my interest and this is still fun to watch. 6.5 out of 10.

Taliesin's Worst 100

I’ve had a Taliesin’s Top 100 for some time, it’s a living list that changes as new reviews reveal films that deserve to be in that upper echelon of vampire films. What I never did was compile a worst 100 – until now. Things to note:

This runs as #1 being the worst.

These really are the worst – the absolute stinkers from the reviews over the years (though the worst does not have a review – even I could not watch it) and, in many cases, there is very little to separate one from another. Yet even then there will be something in some of these that appeals to some viewers. Sharp eyed readers will notice that I actually reviewed Blade: House Of Chthon as 0 out of 10 but that was for the set and not the content and so it does not appear.

These are all judgement calls on my part. Also, if I haven’t reviewed it yet then it can’t appear on the list. For that very reason any of the various, incredibly awful, adult vampire movies out there have not appeared as the TMtV policy is not to review such films.

Honourable (or perhaps Dishonourable) Mentions do not qualify for this list. In the Top 100 I did include ‘Vamp or Not?’ entries, but have decided not to do so for this list.

TV shows/episodes do qualify for the list.

I am hoping it will be dynamic as I see/review films not on the list.

One thing is certain, you will disagree with the list, iro inclusions, omissions and order.

1. Geek Maggot Bingo
2. Acid Head: The Buzzard Nuts County Slaughter
3. Robo Vampire
4. Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires: the Curse of Ed Wood
5. Gypsy Vampire: The Final Bloodlust
6. Counter Destroyer
7. The IronBound Vampire
8. Dominion
9. How to slay a Vampire
10. Tales from the Crapper
11. Nosferatu in Brazil
12. Sorority House Vampires from Hell
13. the Dark Gift
14. Malibu Beach Vampires
15. Bluberella
16. Treasure Chest of Horror
17. The Spanish Inn
18. Ankle Biters
19. New Breed
20. Dracula's Orgy of the Damned
21. Party Day Massacre Stories
22. City of Demons
23. Haunted Hotties
24. Vampire Dentist
25. Witchcraft VII: Judgement Hour
26. Red Lips
27. Mama Dracula
28. Immortal Kiss: Queen of the Night
29. I, Vampiri: Trilogy of Blood
30. NightShadow: A Vampire's Chronicle
31. Blood Slaves of the Vampire Wolf
32. Gypsy Vampire's Revenge
33. Gypsy Vampire 3: Freaky Friday
34. Tender Dracula
35. Devil's Dynamite
36. Artifacts of Time
37. Demon Queen
38. Vampires and Other Stereotypes
39. Scarlett Moon
40. Night Hunter
41. Skin Eating Jungle Vampires
42. Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft
43. Die Hard Dracula
44. At Dawn They Sleep
45. Vampire Blues
46. Track of the Vampire
47. Horror of the Blood monsters
48. Saturday the 14th Strikes Back
49. Psyched by the 4D Witch
50. Vampire Ticks from Outer Space
51. Gypsy Vampire
52. Demons - season 1
53. Zombies: the Beginning
54. Red Lips 2: Bloodlust
55. Vampire Sunrise
56. Shira: the Vampire Samurai
57. Addicted to Murder 3: Bloodlust Vampire Killer
58. Dracula in Love
59. Vampiyaz
60. Bloodspit
61. Vampire Cop
62. Vampires on Bikini Beach
63. Avia Vampire Hunter
64. Vampire's Call
65. Vampire's Call 2
66. Vampire Junction
67. Project Vampire
68. Vampire Strippers
69. Nosferatu vs. Father Pipecock & Sister Funk
70. The Dreaded
71. Loved Ones
72. Sexandroide
73. Dracula Vampyre in Beijing
74. Vampire Holocaust
75. Vampire Knights
76. Dracula (the Dirty Old Man)
77. Vampire Honeymoon
78. Addicted to Murder 2: Tainted Blood
79. 1313: boy crazies
80. The Sisterhood
81. My Son the Vampire
82. Shower of Blood
83. Son of Dracula (1974)
84. Vampire Assassin (2005)
85. Bitten: Victoria's Shadow
86. Taintlight
87. Vampire Whores from Outer Space
88. Dracula in Vegas
89. I Dream of Dracula
90. Vampiro
91. Gallery of Horrors
92. Vampira
93. Blood Kiss
94. Dracula Vs Frankenstein (2002)
95. Dracula Vs Frankenstein (1971)
96. Blood Freak
97. Twisted Tales 2
98. Corpse Master
99. Fist of the Vampire
100. The Lost World: Vampires