Director: James Baack
Release date: 2013
Contains spoilers
I caught this on a YouTube channel, which has since vanished, and it wasn’t posted at a great resolution, so apologies for the screenshot quality – though they kind of match the film quality, I’m afraid.
I had some hopes that it might rise above an immediately low budget when I realized that Dracula was being played by none other than Ron Fitzgerald (Dark Realm & Lilith). As a professional stage magician, as well as an actor, I hoped it indicated a B grade professionalism within the film. Alas it did not.
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| Claire 'Fluff' Llewellyn as Patricia |
The film starts with a disclaimer about the film causing occult influence, or some such gubbins, and then goes to a storyteller with a (not bad, to be honest) faux-British accent (Edit, which was not faux at all and I owe Tim an apology - see comments). When we start proper, we are with Patricia (Claire 'Fluff' Llewellyn, Epitaph: Bread and Salt) who is telling her story to her (new) therapist. She and her family were attacked by Dracula, who slaughtered everyone else but simply bit her, making her a vampire (or a half vampire she says later). The therapist asks about sunlight – a myth – and crosses – she rather likes them, she says whilst kissing the one she wears {this does not hold up as lore}. Patricia wants medication and sleep. The therapist instead refers her to Alex Cutler, a former orthodox priest, to carry out an exorcism.
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| Ron Fitzgerald as Dracula |
The therapist calls Alex and asks him to put on “the dog and pony show” – clearly believing Patricia to be delusional. That is until Dracula shows up with a henchman, after Patricia has left, and chases the Therapist out of the building and eats her. Patricia goes to meet Alex but he has left the area and sent Father Mallory (Ron Feyereisen) instead. He actually does an exorcism (causing Patricia to see Dracula and a vampire woman, and leading me to add the tag 'vampiric possession' though it isn't clear) then says she has to finish Dracula to be free. He gives her holy water. Now, see what I mean… if crosses don’t work (as a religious icon) then why does exorcism and holy water?
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| Machine Gun Etiquette |
So Patricia hunts Dracula down and, in the meantime, we get a gratuitous nudity and blood scene with no story aspect and a visit to a “cat fight”. Patricia gets a machine gun and goes all shooty on us and, eventually (having dropped that and a pair of guns, rather than reloading) confronts Dracula and defeats him with holy water… But there is 30 minutes to go and so we switch to a pair of students who are looking for Dracula’s grave. We get a back story of Dracula being Vlad Ţepeş (and sleeping in a coffin whilst still fighting the Turks) and his burned body being shipped to Turkey but ending up drifting, with disciples on the ship, and ending up in Massachusetts. This part has a (really poor) werewolf and was just rubbish on top of rubbish.
The acting is, from every participant, terrible. The dialogue seems poorly adlibbed at times. The effects are poor, the photography worse. I really can’t dredge up a positive. 0 out of 10.
The imdb page is here.
2 comments:
You know my 'not bad faux-British accent'... I spent ages working on that!
In fact to ensure I had the best fake accent I could possibly manage I was born to British parents in Britain, went to British schools, grew up in Britain, lived and worked in Britain for over fifty years and as a consequence am, bizarrely, 100% British.
So I'm reasonably sure that, when speaking in my own voice in James Baack's magnificent DRACULA'S ORGY OF THE DAMNED I do so in an *actual* British accent!
Aside from that, nice review!
Best wishes
Tim Pollard
Tim, my apologies - when watching an American production one often hears poor accents put on, I commented specifically because whilst it stood out (due to the expectation of not getting a British accent) it wasn't badly done - clearly because it was genuine.
I cannot agree that the film was magnificent though
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