New Breed – review

Director: Stephen Groo

Release date: 2001

Contains spoilers

“Are we nearly there yet?” Had I been watching this with someone else I may have actually vocalised similar as I don’t think an hour has dragged so much for a very long time. I was checking the time on the movie from early on in (roughly the five-minute mark) and at no point did I immerse into the film enough to actually not be conscious of how slowly time was trickling by.

Of course, when it comes to watching vampire movies I have an iron constitution. I have sat through some utter dross. This was badly acted, badly scripted and badly photographed. More than that it was utterly pointless but what was it about?

gyrating credits goth

After credits with a gyrating Goth-looking vampire we are at a college and a couple of Goths observe a student, Derek (Stephen Groo), they are going to approach him about tonight. Derek goes into the college and chats to friends, goes into class and is bullied by some guy and then leaves the class and is approached by the Goths who invite him to Goth club. His friend is wary, he goes anyway and then goes missing for a few days.

wannabe Spike

When he turns back up, he is now dressed like a Goth (and looking like he is trying to be Spike from Buffy). He beats up the bully, showing prodigious strength, and is then told off by a couple of Goths for showing off his new powers. He takes his female friend off for a chat, reveals he is now a vampire and… well suffice it to say that he turns on Goth club, and he and his friends go and kill all the vampires. We’re only a third way in… “Are we nearly there yet?”

bitey

He is a “New Breed”, which means he has none of the normal vampire weaknesses bar being staked. He turns his friends and they all turn into Goths (apparently that’s a thing when you are turned into a vampire, you can’t dress “normal” and have to dress Goth). We get a montage where there is lots of fighting and his friends are mostly killed and then a new set of Goths turn up. We discover vampires are naturally polyglots and then Derek is staked (we are still not finished though).

long black wig

The stake is removed and he comes back to life – instantly sporting an unfetching long black wig (a side effect of stake removal, apparently) and now evil…. “Are we nearly there yet?” Yes, thankfully we are nearly finished and it took all of my iron constitution not to switch this off. I always try not be positive but this had no redeeming features. Badly filmed, awful direction, not one moment of good acting, no real plot, crap lore. I really wanted to find a positive to offer you but I can’t. Not even its short running time helps, because it feels like hours. It’s down there with the worst. 0 out of 10.

The imdb page is On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK