Patience: Vampire – review

Director: Maarten Moerkerke

First Aired: 2026

Contains spoilers

I think it true to say that, generally, vampires get everywhere and so it wasn’t a shock when Ian contacted me to say that the first season 2 episode of crime drama Patience was entitled Vampire. I was unaware of the show but quickly found out that it is a crime drama, set in York, where the main character Patience (Ella Maisy Purvis) is an autistic woman, working in criminal records, but embroiled in police cases as the detective inspector has discovered how sharp her investigative mind is. I later discovered that this is a remake of a French series, Astrid et Raphaëlle, which is in its sixth season (at time of posting).

Ella Maisy Purvis as Patience

Being unaware of the series, coming in cold as it were, can make it difficult as you are unaware of some of the goings on, the character traits and interactions etc. It is just the hope that the vampire tale is strong enough to carry a genre interest – unfortunately the vampire aspect was not played on as much as it might. It was, I discovered, a time of flux for main character Patience as the DI who drew her in has moved on and the new DI, Frankie Monroe (Jessica Hynes), doesn’t understand why a non-copper is in her meetings and has even less knowledge and understanding of autism.

moody shots of York 

The episode starts with moody shots of York – a perfect setting for Gothic Horror that isn’t exploited really – and then we see a woman, Marina Murray (Jeany Spark) – obviously a riff on Mina Murray – enter a dimly lit photography exhibition. She is looking for artist Jonathan Starper (Julian De Backer) – again a riff, this time on Jonathan Harker – and finds him, with a wooden stake through the chest. She screams.

bites?

When the police are at the crime scene it begins to look like he has been drained of blood and Patience spots the two incisions in his neck – as an aside, these seem to be there and not be there in different shots, I can’t make my mind up whether it was an unfortunate angle thing or just poor continuity. There is commentary around this point around needing garlic. Later the medical examiner ascertains that the wounds were created posthumously and that the blood (which is completely drained) was taken through ankle incisions as he was strung up. It is also discovered that he was blood type Rh-null – the incredibly rare, so-called Golden Blood. This then directs the investigation and there is no further mention of vampires. We do get Patience carrying and returning to the library a copy of Dracula and a medical company, where blood is procured for a sickle cell patient, called Helsing. When the case is cracked, they don’t even return to the posthumous fang marks.

staked

And that is disappointing. There are plenty of vampire related episodes of shows set in the real world that exploit a willingness to believe in vampires – this did not. The vampiric aspect is window dressing and flimsy at that. I actually did enjoy the depiction of Patience, an altercation with a motor bike (its presence unnoticed until a near miss partly because of her noise cancelling headphones) and the nicely done panic attack, showed an insight to autistic reaction. I loved the neurodivergent self-help group we briefly see as they try and navigate a neurotypical world. But the vampire aspect left me disappointed (and that’s impacting the score as I am looking at it from a vampire genre point of view). This is based on a season 3 episode of Astrid et Raphaëlle, which I intend to watch to compare and contrast. 4 out of 10 reflects a lack lustre use of vampires within an otherwise interesting episode.

The imdb page is here.

The Vampire Inspector – review

Director: Yûichi Harada

Release date: 1982

contains spoilers

Made for TV, this Japanese film has a really interesting premise that gets bogged down in a period Samurai story, which features little in the way of gore or horror and way too much melodrama.

It starts with a Christian shrine and Tokugawa Shogunate agents attacking the Christians. This is representative of the Shimabara Rebellion, an uprising of Japanese Christians against the Shogunate between 1637 and 1638. The Rebellion led to the slaughter of around 37,000 rebels. In this sequence we hear rebel leader Amakusa Shirō speak of a demon in his dreams, selling his soul to the devil and having to go back to the land of the living.

Inspector Shiranui

A ship is wrecked at sea and two men, a samurai named Akenosuke Kito and an engineer named Jirokichi survived, clinging to a piece of wood. They wash up on an island described in the narration as deserted and see some sort of atmospheric light effect over the ocean. They are approached by a woman who leads them to a house where a further woman is. There is also a large dog – which is later apparently meant to be a wolf but they use a Doberman – and inside a man who calls himself Inspector Shiranui, after the island.

drained

The men are perplexed that Shiranui seems to know their names and more so when he suggests he is 160 years old. He asks about the Shogunate and Akenosuke admits that it is corrupt. Whilst they are entertained, Jirokichi momentarily sees one of the women’s hands seem to become skeletal. Once they go to sleep the women approach the Samurai and, binding him in magical ribbon, go to bite him as they are, of course, vampires. However the engineer awakes, sees them and runs and so they pursue him. In the morning Akenosuke finds the building derelict and Jirokichi dead with fang marks.

vampire concubine

The Inspector is actually Amakusa Shirō and we discover that, when his rebellion failed, he sold his soul to the devil and has slept 160 years to awaken and avenge himself on the Shogunate. We also discover that, when he was alive, his love committed suicide and get a reincarnated love aspect – though rather than it being the Shogun’s wife (as one might expect) it is the maid of the wife – who is also Akenosuke’s lover and believes him to be dead in the shipwreck. Nevertheless, the vampire has a job to do, and he turns concubines and palace drug dealers to attack others and essentially strikes at the heart of the palace corruption.

using the cross

Luckily, a local doctor has an old Dutch book that explains vampires. Common in the West they are fairly unknown in the East – the inference being that it is Christianity that has allowed them to come to Japan but it is also Christian iconography that can destroy them. The Shogunate has made Christian symbolism illegal, but the Doctor, very luckily, has a crucifix. He also knows that garlic flowers will repel them. Apparently, a sword will also kill them just fine.

vampire women with the 'wolf'

So I liked the merging of the Western vampire in an Eastern setting and the use of Christianity as both cause and cure almost. There is very little to no gore and the Samurai drama aspect was pedestrian (the narration in parts did not help). Probably the worst aspect of this was the melodrama (surrounding love, memory and heralded by the most god-awfully overemotional soundtrack moments). A mixed bag, certainly. 5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Blood on Her Tongue – review

Author: Johanna van Veen

First published: 2025

Contains spoilers

The Blurb: "I'm in your blood, and you are in mine…"

The Netherlands, 1887. Lucy's twin sister Sarah is unwell. She refuses to eat, mumbles nonsensically, and is increasingly obsessed with a centuries-old corpse recently discovered on her husband's grand estate.

The doctor has diagnosed her with temporary insanity caused by a fever of the brain. To protect her twin from a terrible fate in a lunatic asylum, Lucy must unravel the mystery surrounding her sister's condition, but it's clear her twin is hiding something. Then again, Lucy is harbouring secrets of her own, too.

Then, the worst happens. Sarah's behaviour takes a turn for the strange. She becomes angry…and hungry.

Lucy soon comes to suspect that something is trying to possess her beloved sister. Or is it madness? As Sarah changes before her very eyes, Lucy must reckon with the dark, monstrous truth – or risk losing her forever.

A haunting gothic tale for fans of all things supernatural, Blood on Her Tongue is refreshingly biting and unashamedly chilling, taking its place as a horror story for the ages.

The review: This novel by Johanna van Veen is, first and foremost, a masterclass in Gothic literature. Whether the theme was vampirism or not, the prose, describing events out by Dutch peat fields, drips with a heavy atmosphere, the novel conjuring the thick black waters of the bog. Told from the point of view of identical twin Lucy, the book contains a Byronic character in the form of Sarah’s husband Michael, with overtones of Heathcliffe in his character. It is a novel where the overtures of madness, and fear of being mislabelled an hysteric, haunt the primary female characters. It also has a vampire.

And yet, what a vampire… though it is a spoiler, I trust not too much, that the vampirism comes from a bog woman, found with brick in mouth and stakes pining her to her boggy grave. Yet, as we discover more we discover that it is not the outer body but an intelligent, sentient parasite, dependent on human blood and flesh, which eats at the host’s brain assimilating thoughts, memories and personality. From the blurb you’ll be able to tell that it is Lucy’s twin, Sarah, who becomes infected but Lucy, as close as she is to her sibling, struggles to see where the human ends and the parasite begins. Weak and starved, after enforced hibernation, we discover that the parasite can, when recovered, heal the host and prolong the physical lifetime of the body. A starved parasite can eat a whole victim, and quickly, which includes bones as well as flesh. However, it is not drawn as physically overpowered, which was a nice touch. The parasite is a separate species but there are overtones of vampiric possession.

The book does have a queer aspect, which doesn’t reveal until late in the narrative, and explores themes of betrayal and secrets within the Gothic wrapper. This was a fabulous discovery, and I really did enjoy it. 8.5 out of 10.

In Paperback @ Amazon US

In Paperback @ Amazon UK

Short Film: Nosfera2

Directed by Joey Daniel and Jordan Harker, this 2013 short film is under 8-minutes long and features a classic looking Nosferatu (Jordan Harker), credited as such in the film rather than Orlok. It is certainly aimed towards comedy but also added in a little bitter sweet aspect.

It starts in a tree house and Nathan (Nathan Lesser) is using a telescope as his two friends (Jt Budge and William Handley) mess around. One reads a monster magazine whilst the other throws darts at a dartboard that has pictures of Edward and Jacob from Twilight and Stephenie Meyer stuck to it.

Nathan Lesser as Nathan

Nathan spots a figure rummaging in bins, it’s Nosferatu. He tells the guys and they ask whether the vampire spotted him. Looking through the telescope once more the vampire growls and glowers at the observer and then turns into a (particularly crap) bat. That night the shadow of the bat is seen at Nathan’s house, a window opens and the vampire materialises and comes towards the sleeping youth…

Jordan Harker as Nosferatu

Nathan strikes with a stake but there is a dull thud. Nosferatu points out that he isn’t stupid, revealing a hunk of metal hung from a chain, protecting his heart. Nathan was concerned that the vampire had come to drink him but he claims he was not, that he tried it once and didn’t like it. When asked what he wants then, he replies that he wants pity and help. Help, Nathan concludes, to fit in…

shopping trip

This is where we then get a montage pitched to comedy, including sun bathing, shopping, a trip to the dentist and getting a hot dog. But, as a vampire, fitting in is not so easy… Where the bat is deliberately rubbish, the Nosferatu makeup is really well done for this. As I said at the head of the blog there is a bitter-sweet aspect to the ending, which I won’t spoil.

The imdb page is here.

The Fetus – review

Director: Joe Lam

Release date: 2025

Contains spoilers

This was one that Simon Bacon originally switched me on to and has finally come to the UK On Demand. It is a ‘B’ with a very unusual, though perhaps not entirely unique, vampire type and it has a comedic layer to it, that is perhaps a tad underplayed.

It starts with a man (Evan Towell) drunk and praying. He takes a bound notebook and throws it into the open fire. Later, the fire has died down and the book is unsinged, his eyes turn white and he takes it, enters the cellar, draws a circle and a Hellish portal begins to open…

Lauren LaVera as Alessa

Cut forward in time and a couple, Alessa (Lauren LaVera, The Well) and Chris (Julian Curtis), are in bed and enjoying some vigorous sex. When they climax her face, momentarily, becomes demonic. He freaks, jumps out of bed and goes to the bathroom, where he discovers the condom had split – he puts it in the bin, neglecting to tell her. The next day she has a pre-scheduled gynaecological examination and is told she is pregnant. When she protests that he always uses a condom, the doctor points out that there is dried semen from the night before.

Julian Curtis as Chris

Getting home she confronts Chris – who has been looking at a dating app whilst she is out – and finds the broken condom. The morning after pill he bought her goes in the toilet and she demands he takes her to see her father, Maddox (Bill Moseley, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Gothic Harvest), who always said to go straight to him if she became pregnant. Chris is not prepared to do that but after a call about his recently deceased and estranged father, and a medical incident with Alessa, he relents. The incident saw her clutching her stomach, blood dripping from out of her skirt, and her slipping and falling.

the fetus feeding

On the drive she complains about being starving hungry and they stop at a gas station. In the store Chris has interaction with a diabetic kid and his angry father – which, along with the call about his father, aims to establish his fatherhood credentials – Alessa, on the other hand goes to the bathroom. She is wracked with stomach pains and then a woman investigates. We see the fetus (looking much like a chest-burster from Alien) emerge from her skirts, attached to the umbilical. It self-propels at the woman, fangs latching to her neck after which it drinks her blood.

the fetus

Suffice it to say that Alessa’s mother did not die in childbirth, as she had been told, but was a demon summoned by Maddox (in the scene at the head of the film). The fetus is very fast growing and needs blood. If it can’t get blood, it will drink the mother’s to survive. Generally, however, it won’t attack kin. A vampiric fetus is rare but not unheard of and the most obvious example is the film Baby Blood. The demon could be classed as a blood demon; losing an arm at one point, it regrows when she drinks human blood.

Bill Moseley as Maddox

The film is schlock but it is good fun schlock. Lauren LaVera is really making a scream queen name for herself (thanks, of course, to the Terrifier films) and Bill Moseley is a horror legend. The film could have done with maybe a stronger edge to the comedy or a stronger edge to the horror/gore but we are where we are and it was entertaining enough, but I thought the idea of the blood drinking fetus a stronger part of the film than the contents of the film itself. 5.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK

You and the Night – review

Director: Yann Gonzalez 

 Release Date: 2013 

 Contains spoilers 

I considered looking at this French arthouse film under the “Use of Tropes” heading but, ultimately, it is a vampire film, albeit sexual vampirism and I will look directly at that phenomena as I review the film. It is a film I was unaware of until noticing it recently on Shudder, which seems an odd home as I really didn’t read this as horror at all – though there is an overt supernatural aspect. Rather it is a film ostensibly about an orgy but truthfully more a character examination against that backdrop. 

riding into the night

It starts in the rain and Ali (Kate Moran, Vampires) sits on the back of a motorcycle, imploring the rider to wait as *he* said he would come, and calling out for Matthias (Niels Schneider). When his figure is seen running towards the bike, the rider sets off leaving him behind. Ali asks the rider who he is but gets no response and so feels his face (the helmet is a 3/4s one with no chin guard), touching round and in his mouth. Her ultimate reaction makes the viewer think she finds him somehow familiar… Ali wakes, suggesting the previous scene was a dream (or premonition), and she sits in snow with Matthias dead or dying in her lap. Udo (Nicolas Maury, Paris je T’aime) comes to them and Ali and Udo kiss, as they masturbate Matthias, this revives him.

Nicolas Maury as Udo

A note about Udo, who is described in things I have looked at as a transvestite, and certainly wears a maid outfit and tiara through the majority of the film but also referred to with a masculine pronoun in the film. As such there appears to be a fluidity of gender and so I am using they/them pronouns for the character. Matthias suggests that he had gone to the land of the dead, a place ruled by children violently killed, robbed of their potential and hatred had made them monstrous. Udo reminds them that their guests are due to arrive soon for the planned orgy. I wondered as I watched this as to how the guests were invited, as it wasn’t revealed. They all carry and use stereotyped names, and, to some degree, it almost appears that fate drew them to the event.

the Stud and the Star

The first to arrive is the Slut (Julie Brémond), or so she is called in the English subs, in the French she is called La Chienne or the Bitch. She is ready to party, but she is told to wait for all the guests and is introduced to the jukebox – a device that reads the person through their palm and plays music based on their mood. Next to arrive, coincidentally together, are the Stud (Éric Cantona) – in French L'Étalon or the Stallion – and the Teen (Alain-Fabien Delon) – in French L'Adolescent. The final guest to arrive is the Star (Fabienne Babe). She demands the lights are turned off, and remain off, before she enters and kisses each guest passionately in the dark until the Slut turns the lights on, out of curiosity, which freaks the Star but the earnestness of the Teen causes her to stay.

Ali widowed

The film explores their stories, often presented to the viewer in a surreal style, but from our point of view it is Ali, Matthias and Udo’s story that is important, which they are open about when the guests enquire. Ali and Matthias were young lovers who married – this is suggested to be centuries before. Unfortunately, there was a war and Matthias had to go, writing home for two months until the letters stopped and then Ali was informed that he was killed. Ali then spent her nights in widow’s black at his grave. She was approached there by Udo, a gypsy who claimed that Matthias’ spirit had implored their help and they could bring Matthias back for her. Before Udo appears, mist curls around the gravestone and Ali, reminiscent of a mist from which a vampire emerges.

Matthias returns

That night Matthias visited Ali, the side of his face wounded with maggots writhing in the wound (modern Matthias wears an eye patch on that side). He tells Ali that she can trust Udo – and his visitation immediately brought the idea of Death and the Maiden to mind as well as the ballad Lenore by Gottfried August Bürger, which supplied the line "Denn die Todten reiten schnell!" as used by Bram Stoker in Dracula. Reassured by Matthias she allows Udo to perform their ritual, which invokes Lucifer and sexual deviancy to enable Matthias’ return. They go to the graveyard and dig him up and when lifted from the grave he does revive. On that revival his wounded face is mostly healed through Ali’s kisses, bar his eye – death always claims a souvenir.

Matthias and Ali

Udo had levelled a price for their service. They had observed Ali and Matthias as the most passionate of couples and the price is the couple allow them to remain with them to observe and indulge in their passion. Udo suggests they are immortal and, like them, Ali will be immortal also but Matthias’ life depends on Ali’s desire, he has to feel it vibrating and pulsating, whether stimulated by him or others. They state categorically that vitality is the important part and also warn that sadness cannot take over. So, it is implied that the orgy will stimulate Ali’s desire and she will impart that vitality to maintain Matthias’ undead state but he has seemed melancholy throughout and this maybe why he seems to be edging towards the land of the dead. Though on the surface this makes Ali seem like a succubus, there is no suggestion that the orgy will harm any of the guests in her doing so, and more so Matthias is an incubus feeding from the vitality of desire – though it is only his immortal lover that feeds him (and heals him, her kisses previously seen to heal his face). It also needs to be noted that the Teen comments on loving the night “where only vampires and lunatics lurk.”

Alain-Fabien Delon as the Teen

The film obviously has sexual themes throughout – it is the story of an orgy – but the characterisation and stories, the revealed flaws and acceptance of the characters, are the important narrative, and the sexuality takes a backseat (and is perhaps drawn a lot less passionately than it might have been). It is absolutely queer, not just through the gender fluidity of Udo but in the fact that the guests could all be described as pansexual and refreshingly matter of fact around that. One might criticise the fact that flaws are highlighted underpinning their queerness, but the flaws are the underpinning of the narratives. There are also taboo subjects such as incest within the narrative. On the (understated and perhaps subverted) vampire side there was something (in both Ali and Matthias' characters and attitude) of Adam and Eve from Only Lovers Left Alive and interestingly they premiered at Cannes Film Festival within 5 days of each other. Only Lovers is more traditionally vampire but, overall, I preferred this as a film 6 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Vamp or Not? Monster House

For those who are unaware, I have a keen interest in the idea of the vampiric building and wrote a chapter, Vampiric Buildings: Life Soaked into Mortar and Blood into Earth for Palgrave’s Handbook of the Vampire. I was aware of the 2006, Gil Kenan directed, Monster House and think I did see it back in the day. However, I decided to take a look with pretty fresh eyes (I remembered next to nothing about the content) and a view to see whether we could call the house of the title a vampiric building.

The film starts the day before Halloween in US suburbia, within a nostalgia dictated timeframe. It starts with a very young girl riding her trike and greeting inanimate objects. Suddenly the speeding trike stops, the animation follows a leaf but the inference is that she has flown off the bike. She hasn’t, but she is stuck on the verge of a lawn, for some reason unable to move (I’ll return to why later). Suddenly the door flies open and house owner Mr Nebbercracker (Steve Buscemi, Paris Je T’aime, Hotel Transylvania 1, 2 & 3) comes screeching out of the house, yelling at the girl and in the tirade asks if she wants to be eaten alive – she runs off crying and he breaks and takes the trike.

Steve Buscemi voices Nebbercracker

This is watched from over the road by DJ (Mitchel Musso), a young boy who has been observing the antics of Nebbercracker and logging them. His parents are going away for the weekend and have arranged for Zee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) to babysit. Meanwhile, his friend Chowder (Sam Lerner) arrives but his ball ends up on Nebbercracker’s lawn. DJ notices that he hasn’t reacted and goes to retrieve it but the old man emerges and, in the tussle, collapses – DJ thinks dead. Paramedics come and pick him up – the viewer notices that grass seems to grow and grasp one of the gurney wheels, which breaks off and is then consumed by the earth. That night DJ receives phone calls from the house – making him believe that the ghost of Nebbercracker is haunting him.

the house awake

Now, we have heard local rumour from Bones (Jason Lee), Zee’s boyfriend, who lost his kite, as a kid, to Nebbercracker, who suggests the old man had been married, fattened her up and ate her (bringing in a cannibal theme – though the story is gossip and not truth). Kicked out by Zee he taunts the absent old man (and by default the house) only for the front door to open and his kite be there. With a similar lure used later with Chowder’s ball it indicates an intelligence (and memory) at play. The house consumes Bones. The next day DJ and Chowder save a prep school student selling candy, Jenny (Spencer Locke, the Vampire Diaries), and the three realise they have to neutralise the house before trick or treaters arrive.

the gang

Getting some half-baked advice (that is accurate) they are told they have to “strike at the source of life – the heart”. This is, of course, a vampire trope. They decide that the heart must be the furnace and they have to douse it (the house chimney has been active despite being empty). We have also seen that the house can morph its physical self and the front door becomes a mouth, with teeth (and the veranda can widen the maw), it opens a gullet within the hallway and the hall carpet becomes a tongue. 

Constance's grave

When Nebbercracker is released from hospital (and the kids have just escaped from inside the house) DJ realises that the house is Nebbercracker’s wife Constance (Kathleen Turner). We get the story that she was an unwilling circus freak – the Giantess – and war veteran Nebbercracker helped her escape. He was building the house when trick or treaters caused her to fly into a rage, fall into the foundations and be buried in concrete – that has become a shrine/grave for her. He soon realised that her spirit had possessed the house, that she would attack those who approached and hated Halloween. Nebbercracker was actually protected the neighbourhood and had been essentially a prisoner of his own making for forty five years.

with legs

So – is the house a vampire. Well, possessed by Constance’s spirit it is certainly a monster and arguably (through Constance) undead. It is sentient, intelligent, remembers both what happened to Constance and those who have been near. It is polymorphic, able to change from a creepy house into an animated creature – at the end of the film it takes two trees as legs and becomes mobile. The idea of striking the heart was correct. The question is, does it feed on the victims? That isn’t clear. We do know that those it consumes in the course of the movie all survive but that does not mean to say that normally it would not digest them or drain their energy – the film is silent and probably deliberately so as it is a PG movie. Assuming it does, I think we can call this a vampiric building and one whose source (ie the possession) is communicated to the viewer – in other vehicles these things can be simply alive and bad.

The imdb page is here.

On Blu-Ray @ Amazon US

On Blu-Ray @ Amazon UK