The Very Beast of Transylvania Television – review

Directed by: Michael J. Heagle & Troy Antoine LaFaye (series)

First aired: 2007-2012 (series)

Contains spoilers


I stumbled over Transylvania Television on Tubi TV where they had 5 episodes from the four series and the Halloween Special (The Transylvania Television Real Meanin' of Halloween Special Show). From what I can gather that amounts to the contents of the Very Beast of Transylvania Television available from the show’s homepage.

Batfink and Furry

So what is it? A parody of all things B, would be the easiest description, I guess. The muppets for adults, perhaps. If I was wondering whether this was aimed at adults or kids things were soon settled in the opening scene of the first episode where regular characters Batfink (Laszlo Nemesi) and Furry J. Ackermonster (Gordon Smuder) are discussing alternatives to the word boobs and it’s all for a letter to Furry’s mom!

Micro-nuclear sparkles

Batfink is a rather rat looking bat and Furry is an orange yeti (he’s orange because he’s an albino) and they both work for Transylvania Television. There are several other recurring characters but, from our point of view, the important one is network owner Count Volodymir LeShoc (Charles Hubbell). Keen eyed viewers will spot that the fleece the puppet is made of does sparkle a tad. However full on sparkles were added for a segment and he explains that they are actually “millions of micro-nuclear explosions all over my body, its incredibly painful”. He hisses when he hears the name Bram Stoker.

Remarkably, and consistently, amusing, I can’t really go through the plot as there is pretty much not one. You can watch the "Beast of" on Tubi for free. 7 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Angel – seasons 1- 5 – review

Director: Various

First Aired: 1999-2004

Contains spoilers

The internet can be a hostile place, mainly down to the fact that people are offered a voice and can use that voice anonymously and without responsibility. I say this because some time ago I developed a case of the trolls (or, more probably, troll in the singular). Hiding behind a mask of anonymity this person attacked me for my reviews of the series Forever Knight (go check the comments, if you like, on season 2 and season 3). Now I will defend this person’s right to disagree with me but the person made some fundamental errors.

Angel, beloved of pin-sized brains?

Firstly he (his gender assumed on the basis of how he addressed me) supposed I was female (calling me a “dumb broad” and a “bitch”), secondly he attacked my spelling (there are going to be both spelling and grammatical errors on the blog but I suspect the troll was American, it wouldn’t be the first time an American commentator has failed to realise that there are internationally two primary forms of English spelling), tied in with this was the troll’s inability to spin a coherent sentence together at times and lastly he told me to “go back to watching Angel for that's all your pin sized brain can grasp”.

hang around, review coming

The last bit was amusing as I had not reviewed the Angel series at that point. I will now and explain to my more coherent readers exactly why it has taken so long. Essentially it is because I prefer to watch and review, rather than think back on a series not watched for years. We had the Angel series on VHS but recently it appeared cheaply as a five season DVD box-set and so it was purchased, duly watched and now is being reviewed.

an Orlock-a-like

Angel (David Boreanaz, Macabre Pair of Shorts), of course, was the titular character of the series and had first appeared as a recurring character in the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Angel had been the evil vampire Angelus who, having fed upon a gypsy girl, was cursed to have a soul, feels guilt and is trying to make up for his past. He began this by helping Buffy but they fell in love and he experienced a moment of perfect happiness that stripped his soul away again. In the other series he was re-ensouled, killed (by Buffy) and then restored to his undeath existence. His subsequent split from Buffy saw this series begin. Essentially he becomes a champion, helping the helpless.

Gunn and Fred

Other characters from Buffy appear and disappear in guest appearances, but some have a more permanent appearance including Cordelia (Charisma Carpenter, Lost Boys: the Thirst), Wesley (Alexis Denisof) and, having made a cameo in a season 1 episode, a reformed (and also vampire with a soul) Spike (James Marsters, Smallville: Thirst). Other main good-guy characters were half-demon, and conduit to the powers-that-be, Doyle (Glenn Quinn) who was in season 1 only, musical empath Lorne (Andy Hallett), science-nerd and survivor of a Hell dimension Fred (Amy Acker) and street-wise vampire slayer Gunn (J. August Richards).

Charisma Carpenter as Cordelia

Whilst the primary “big bad” changed season on season the constant factor was evil law firm (aren’t they all) Wolfram and Hart, the senior partners of which were demons in another dimension. They were aware of a prophecy that stated the vampire with a soul was a major player in the apocalypse, though whether that was for good and evil was unknown. Of course the appearance of Spike skewed that somewhat. The machinations of Wolfram and Hart on Earth were represented (early on) by two young lawyers, Lindsey (Christian Kane) and Lilah (Stephanie Romanov).

Blood Demon form

The vampire lore had been established in Buffy but we did get visual confirmation (on at least two occasions) that the turning process involved an exchange of blood. The vampires were soulless and incorporated blood demons into their makeup. When Angel travels to the Hell dimension Pylea he finds that the laws of meta-physics have changed. The sun does not cause him to combust but when he “vamps out” he doesn’t just develop a vampire face but turns fully into a blood demon. This then is the vampire’s true form. Angel’s sire Darla (Julie Benz) is returned from the dead and she and Angel conceive a child. This is impossible for two vampires and she has to stake herself to give birth.

James Marsters as Spike

The series started in a way that seemed (on re-watch) rather cheap, in season 1 at least, but the effects did improve. Each season had a moment of meandering from time to time but overall each season became gradually stronger and stronger. On my original viewing the final season felt weaker, mainly because the team took over Wolfram and Hart and the premise felt awkward. Having looked at the season again, I realised that I rather liked what they did with it. Indeed my favourite three moments in the series came from season 1 and season 5 respectively. In season 1 we see (a still evil) Spike watching Angel and his soliloquy (or commentary of Angel’s actions) shows just why Spike was such a popular character in both series.

Puppet Angel

The first season 5 highlight saw Angel cursed and turned into a puppet, complete with removable felt nose. This was a throw-away episode but showcases the comedy that the writers were able to inject into the series (and Buffy). It is also an example of vampiric puppet – a rare occurrence – and this puppet can morph into his vampire face. The second highlight from season 5 involved Numero Cinco (Danny Mora).

Numero Cinco

We had seen the luchador walking the corridors of Wolfram and Hart delivering mail but discover that he was a hero, one of a family of luchadores who fought evil. His brothers were killed by an Aztec demon and he gave up on being a hero but the demon has returned. It was great to see a nod to the Mexican wrestling movie. Of course Angelus had to reappear at some point in the full run of 5 seasons, indeed the threat of Angel losing his soul was a factor throughout the show. In many respects I felt that Angel was much darker than its parent show but perhaps didn’t generate the same level of chemistry between the leads.

It was worth, to me, sitting through the lot again. Some of the series has failed to age that well but, overall, it still has a lot to offer. Of course, according to the troll, that just proves that I have a pin-sized brain but I’m happy whilst he is sad and twisted, so that’s okay. 6.5 out of 10 for the five seasons in total.

The imdb page is here.

On DVD @ Amazon US

On DVD @ Amazon UK

The Middleman – The Vampiric Puppet lamentation (TV Episode) – review

Director: Sandy Smolan

First aired: 2008

Contains spoilers

The middleman was a short lived TV series that followed Wendy (Natalie Morales), a struggling artist who is recruited into a secret agency (O2STK or Organisation too Secret to Know) to train to be the next Middleman – a fixer of exotic problems. Wendy was recruited as she is cool under pressure and has a photographic memory. The current Middleman (Matt Keeslar, who was in vampire flick the Thirst) is an enigma in the show.

I have read comparisons of the show with Torchwood, and I have to say I found this much savvier, with plenty of pop culture references without becoming lost in the referential (as I felt Torchwood did). This is down to the fact that it was designed to be both referential and satirical, as series creator Javier Grillo-Marxuach wrote “I created a show by geeks for geeks – a nesting doll of influences, references and inside jokes wrapped in plots satirizing the sloth so often present in broadcast sci-fi: you know, the plots that EVERY sci-fi show on broadcast TV insists on trotting out as if they have never been done before.” As this is a vampire episode we get references to the Marv Wolfman’s Tomb of Dracula, Hammer films, Buffy and Blade - amongst many other pop culture references.

Wendy is called in to work – whilst worried about friend and neighbour Noser (Jake Smollett), whom she has had a tarot warning about – as there is a danger of a vampire incursion. The last vampire was killed in the 19th Century but she is issued a stake (they must be made from pure Carpathian wood) as the private property of Vlad Ţepeş (Gideon Emery) is to go on sale and the worry is that any item could trigger a rebirth of vampirism. They pop quiz on vampires as they travel and we establish that they cannot be captured on film or in mirrors, that a bite gives them access to all the memories hopes and dreams of the victim (the O2STK have a serum to prevent turning) and there is something about soup that is never revealed to the audience.

They get to the auction and the auctioneer, Nicholas Pherides (Steve Valentine, who we previously saw in Crossing Jordan), begins with a door hinge. Incidentally Nikolas Pherides was the character played by Boris Karloff in Isle of the Dead, which was no coincidence I am sure. The last item (after a spoon fragment) was Little Vladdy – a Vlad the Impaler puppet.

It seems that Vlad Ţepeş had two loves – drinking blood and puppet shows. Pherides puts the puppet on his arm and the puppet begins to speak of the eternal night of blood. Wendy and the Middleman realise that he is possessed and give chase when he runs. They corner him and approach, stakes at the ready. Now, vampire puppets are not unknown, but they are rare enough for this to be somewhat special. Nothing could prepare you however for the…

…Crap Bat Syndrome puppet. Yes, Little Vladdy transforms into a Crap Bat (actually, compared to many it looks rather good) and takes off to the skies, carrying Pherides off with him. Back at HQ they ponder why the puppet didn’t burn in the sun (which must be because he is made of wood). Schoolmarm-like robot Ida (Mary Pat Gleason) discovers old TV footage of Little Vladdy with a surviving owner (questions of how he was on TV aside…). They visit Renfield Rehnquist (Rob Nagle) – the Renfield is obvious but I suspect Rehnquist was after the vampire Renquist from Mick Farren’s Renquist quadrilogy – at the John Seward Home for the Criminally Insane. There they discover that Little Vladdy is searching for the puppet of Ţepeş bride Elizabeth Rousset (Sadie Stratton).

If Vladdy and Lizzie marry in puppet form, whilst controlling two people who truly love each other, they will come back to human vampire form and be able to call forth a plague of vampires. The Lizzie puppet is in the Middleman HQ but Vladdy doesn’t show up on security cameras, manages to bite the Middleman and is able to create vampire puppet minions – and there just happens to be a ventriloquist competition in town…

I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. It was irreverent and yet, strangely reverent to the source material for that. It had a campy quality – helped by the Middleman’s persona – that harked back to more innocent TV days, yet with a knowingness that was modern. For instance, through the series they had swearing but silent on the soundtrack with a black bar over the mouth and rather than crass this became a campy signature within the show. The twist on vampirism was welcome, both funny and unusual enough to be worth watching. This is true family programming, fun for the kids and yet the referentials and mature nuances are great for the adults. Excellent stuff. 7 out of 10.

The episode’s imdb page is here.

Honourable Mentions: Count Von Count

First appearing in Season 4 of Sesame Street, 1972-73, Count Von Count became a firm favourite of kids around the world including me. With his mock Lugosi accent and evening wear he was every inch the stereotyped vampire (based around the stereotype developed through the ’31 Dracula) and, being a kids show, his role was educational.

In some traditions vampires are obsessive compulsive. Some traditions say that if you throw grain on the floor the vampire must stop and count the grains – a device sometimes used in filmic depiction. Count Von Count was no different, he just had to count, and the counting (at least early on) was accompanied by maniacal laughter and thunder. He was also able to indulge in a little eye-mojo to hypnotise other characters.

Of course he didn’t sleep in a coffin, was unaffected by the sun and could not transform into a bat – although he had plenty of pet bats in his cobweb festooned castle. So here’s to Count Von Count, a worthwhile honourable mention.

The imdb page for Sesame Street is here.

One, hah hah hah, two, hah hah hah, three…