Sunday, November 05, 2006

Sorority House Vampires From Hell – review

video cover

Directed by: Geoffrey De Valois & Eugene James

Release date: 1998

Contains spoilers

The case of Blood Hunt has this to say about this movie:

“Death, Demons, D-Cops! The UFO Demon, Rabaalhazor, has sent the vampire, Natalia, to destroy the Earth. Each time she takes a victim a natural disaster rocks the planet. Humanities only hope is the sexy sorority pledge, Buffy, and the members of her sisterhood. She must not only save the world but she must also save herself from the perverted desires of both Rabaalhazor and Natalia.”

Well, that’s cleared that up because between the awful sound, worse dialogue, sub-porn acting and incoherent script, direction and editing you’d never guess the plot by simply watching this. It really is that bad. The credits have a topless oriental girl dancing, this is followed by the demon giving us his plan (I assume as I couldn’t understand a word said) and we don’t see the demon just a monitor by the way. This is followed by five minutes of his naked high priestess dancing and animated tentacles with what looks like an attempt to mimic hentai. This entire section is almost in double vision, as though the section was meant to be in 3D, but from what I can ascertain the 3D doesn’t work.

Natalia freshly risenWe then have Natalia’s (Eugenie Bondurant) rising from the grave. Her successful attack on a surfer and his silicon enhanced girlfriend, plus Buffy (Kathy Pregrave) (and can I just say, what an original name for the blonde, college girl heroine!) and the other pledges going to the sorority house. All this section is shot in bleached black and white with scenes of another vampire, Count Vlad (Bob Buchholz), trying to rise from his coffin. Vlad is the unfunny comedy insert through the film and is Natalia’s estranged love, from what I can gather.

Natalia in colourOnce at the sorority house we flip to colour. The victims return as zombies, though if the truth be told not all victims return as zombies. Buffy’s boyfriend, Jim (Kenny Gibbs), is only half drained, later in the film, and becomes half vampire. By that I mean the left hand side of his body is a vampire and the right hand side is human – oh it is all so hilarious as we watch him fight against himself, not.

There is some form of plot about having to drain nine victims, each draining steals a soul, but for the life of me I couldn’t work anymore out.

The film does have the lamest reason, given by a potential victim, as to why a vampire shouldn’t bite them – “You can’t bite me, I’m a hemophiliac.” Hmmm… okay. Suddenly it is zombies and not vampires who must stop and count grain if left in their path, fang close upI’ve heard of mixing metaphors but mixing folklore? It is the first movie I’ve seen where a vampire drains a victim by biting their bottom, which is just an excuse for the vampire to discover that the butch lesbian victim (Lisa Roesen) is really a man. We also discover that if you fill a bottle with tap water and draw a cross on the label with felt tip it becomes holy water… I was really loosing the will to live watching this.

The film has three endings. The first one in which Natalia drains Buffy, the second in which Buffy defeats the vampires (Natalia and Vlad) and the last in which Natalia kills Vlad and becomes human only to fight Buffy who thinks she is still evil and then everything cuts to a wrap party in the film studio. One ending would have been bad enough, that just stretched the agony out further.

There is an awful lot of breast on show, which is about the best thing you can say about this. 0 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

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