Come to my Brother – review

Author: Christopher Zeischegg

First published: 2013

Contains spoilers

The Blurb: David and Daniel grew up together in Northern California. They became friends and then brothers; started a band and then became lovers. But Daniel disappeared four years ago, and he's come back as some kind of monster. The young men's reunion could bring about the end of the world. Christopher Zeischegg's first novel is updated and revised, and still entrenched in the canon of horror, loss, porn, and coming of age in the early 2000's.

The review: This was the author’s debut novel, originally published in 2013. For review I read the 2017 revised edition that was sent to me for review. If we look to the blurb for a second you’ll see it mentions porn. The author acted in adult movies under the name Danny Wylde and, as the saying goes, he wrote about what he knows. The character David is a porn actor to make money to get through film school. The aspects around this are very matter of fact and the novel doesn’t lose itself in eroticism – though it is safe to call it queer literature.

Of course, despite coming-of-age aspects and the aforementioned queer aspect, the main thrust of the novel is vampirism. The vampirism has its own quasi-religious aspect and creates a lore that suggests vampirism was something that came about through Christ’s temptations in the desert, when he reveals to Lucifer that the ability of the spiritual to take human form was not restricted to God alone. Consequently Lucifer fused his essence into a human – creating the first vampire.

Whilst our primary protagonist dismisses this, and we see the world through his eyes, there is an undercurrent suggesting that the folklore of their source and the prophecies that surround them may be true. Further lore suggests that, unless the victim is killed outright, a bite will turn the victim.

What I liked about the novel was the style of prose. Zeischegg delivers a clean, sparse prose that still manages to be evocative and delivers the necessary emotional punches. Very occasionally it stumbles but that is experiential and as he grows as an author those rare rough edges will smooth out. The sparseness does threaten to make the narrative too thin occasionally – there are moments within the book that could have stood more exploration, especially at the end of the story, but the narrative is still satisfying as it is. I did like the fact that the book maintained the idea that there are consequences to actions by characters in a horror setting, too often that is missed. 6.5 out of 10. A trailer for the book is embedded at the foot of the review.

I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker – review

Director: Clayton Cogswell

Release date: 2016

Contains spoilers


What happened to the Harkers after the events in Dracula? It is a question that has inspired many stories and forms the nub of the lengthily titled I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker. Indeed we see a moment from the family’s life in the prologue but the main of the film jumps a few generations down the line.

The film is a comedy and has a nicely dark humour and takes a side swipe at Twilight that wasn’t cliched and maintained humour. Plus it has blood… lots and lots of blood.

hunting the Harkers

An intertitle tells us that, following the events in Dracula, Jonathan and Mina take Quincey (Dylan Fox Williams) to America. There a vampire tracks them down, approaching father and son whilst holding the head and spinal column of Van Helsing. The vampire reveals that he took the skull of Dracula and ate it (I’ll get back to this) and took his power. He will create an army of the undead starting with the Harkers. “Don’t mouth my lines…”

Ned, Charlie & Gerry

That is the complaint of Ned (Derek Haugen) who is playing the role of the vampire in a staged re-enactment that Gerry Harker (Jacob Givens) is putting on in the Harker house. Gerry is back from Hollywood having starred in Twirl (the Billy Elliott of baton twirling movies… not). The Harker siblings were given a grant to renovate the house and he has blown most of it on the play – which he hopes will make the house a tourist attraction. Also in the play is his neurodivergent brother Charlie (Noel Carroll). However the housing inspector is not impressed – the house is still a death trap and they need to repay the money or renovate the house, fast.

How Ned sees Paige

Also living at the house is their sister Paige (Whitney Moore), engaged to town sheriff Wayne (Nathan Lorch), she is Ned’s unrequited love. The film does spend a bit of time building these idiosyncratic characters but the crux of the film is a merging of events. Firstly their accidental killing, and posthumous exsanguination, of the Necrophiliac Killer (Peter Story). Following this (and a further death) they ratchet up the play concept to one of “proving” vampires are real. This merges with blood getting on the vampire skull that Quincey kept and sending a psychic call to a vampire (Nate Lane) in Romania, drawing the creature over to claim Dracula’s power.

the vampire

Which is about as much as I want to spoil of the core story. Let us just say that the pretend vampire hunters, along with ex-priest Walter (Arlan Godthaab), have their work cut out. I do need to spoil around the skull, however. The vampire gets it and it levitates, turns to dust and he breathes it in (rather than munching on bone). The film works on a bite and very quickly turn basis. The vampires fear holy symbols, stakes kill and cause them to “pop” – with a small gush of blood, but not entirely liquify. A master vampire can turn to mist during a fight.

interviewing Stacey

I mentioned Twilight and there is a book series invented for the film called Succulent by Stacey Mendler (Talya Carroll). She has sparkly vampires in her books, because vampires are beautiful and misunderstood and anyone that says otherwise is being racist. Because of the vampire panic in town she brings her book tour along to set the record straight. This just kind of worked in that meeting/clashing between the monster and the romantic, and the concept maintained amusement levels without falling into the very tired comedy clichés that normally come with shooting the Twilight-fish in the barrel.

attacked

And these vampires are the monstrous type and the blood flows aplenty, indeed our actors end up drenched in the red stuff. The jokes work well, mostly, though some could have been worked harder (an internet troll (Cody Ward) is cast into the film but so very little is done with him and it seems a bit of a waste, for instance). Bloody, with monstrous vampires and genuinely amusing. What’s not to love. 7.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Tiyanaks – review

Director: Mark A. Reyes

Release date: 2007

Contains spoilers

A little like Super Inday and the Golden Bibe, this film ages the tiyanak (or tiyanaks, plural, in this) to young children rather than babies, so as to give the human form of the creature a less passive role than in their infant form – although we do see a baby tiyanak in the prologue.

What it also does is change the tiyanaks so that they perhaps do not look as we would expect – tying them into elements – and this was likely to make them more interesting. We’ll look at these changes later.

Gabriel the tiyanak

But, as I mentioned, we do get a more standard tiyanak in the prologue. The film starts with a recital in Latin and we are told that such prayers are used to fight aswang, tiyanak and kapre (kapre being an ent-like monster from Filipino mythology). A mother holds her baby as she speaks on the phone. Through the conversation we discover that Gabriel, the baby, is adopted. She places the baby in a play pen whilst she goes to have a bath. When she gets out the baby is gone and she searches frantically for him – but he is hunting her…

Gabriel hunting

This would seem to be a tale being recited by Professor Earl (TJ Trinidad, Patient X) to his folklore class, amongst whom is Christian (Mark Herras), the brother of Earl’s girlfriend Sheila (Rica Peralejo). He tells them that the tiyanaks are children who died without being baptized and they are unable to go to heaven unless they are blessed and introduced to God. He also informs them that they use pity (and maternal instincts) to hunt hence taking the form of babies.

Sheila's dream

Sheila is due to take Christian and some friends to a retreat for the Easter weekend. However she is also having bad dreams about a little girl (Mika Dela Cruz, Ang Darling Kong Aswang) and fiery pentagrams and Stars of David. She tells Earl about the dreams. Amongst the group of kids going to the retreat is Hans (Jill Yulo), whose boyfriend Bryan (Alwyn Uytingco) isn’t going (if he were, her father would have prevented her from going). However, he follows the group on his motorbike.

cross with hidden dagger

The mini bus driver (Tom Olivar, Shake Rattle and Roll 8) takes a wrong turn and they become lost and then break down. The only place nearby is an old house, which they go to. No one answers when they knock so they enter and discover that there are lit candles, religious icons and a cross that is also a dagger (used for exorcisms). The resident of the house, Mildred (Lotlot De Leon), makes herself known and doesn’t seem happy about their presence but she reluctantly lets them stay. She lives there with her son Biboy (Nash Aguas, also Shake Rattle and Roll 8 & Shake Rattle and Roll 12).

the water tiyanak

So, haunting the area are three tiyanaks whose human forms are young children (who play with Biboy) but their monster forms are very different to each other and they are related to elements – air, earth and water. When Earl arrives to save the day he suggests that the tiyanaks have evolved but we also hear that they were children who died in accidents when the house was an orphanage – one drowning, for instance, and thus taking on water traits. There is a bat like look to the air tiyanak. Their aim seems pretty much to kill rather than feed.

effect of holy water 

There was a nice lore moment regarding their ability to enter the house, given the number of icons on display. As it is Easter then, from the Friday, God is dead until Christ rises on the third day – thus the icons have no impact. This does not hold true consistently, however. The Tiyanaks will not enter a graveyard as it is hallowed ground, a rosary wrapped around a limb burns, they can be blessed and holy water works against them, causing them to go up in flames.

atypical horror movie teens

It was perhaps in this mismatching of the lore that there was a weakness. Other than that this was a little creature feature with atypical teens-in-horror-movies. The effects were ok but nothing special, though the tiyanaks could verge on the silly and were more effective when you saw less of them. One wonders how Earl managed to follow the exact wrong turn that the others did and thus find them, but hey-ho. Overall this wasn’t a bad way to spend 90 minutes. 5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Vitaortus: Book One – review

Author: Dea Schofield

Release date: 2013

The Blurb: Devi is a specially gifted horticulturist whose quiet world is disturbed by mysterious beings attracted to her unique talents. They have big plans for Devi, and introduce her to a very special vine — the Vitaortus. Set against the sinister backdrop of Washington DC, and the world beyond, Vitaortus: Book One is the beginning of a tale that has a countdown to potential extinction! Only Devi can save Alec, her beguiling, self-proclaimed facilitator and protector. Unknown to Alec and his brethren, only his kind will be able to save their food source – human beings. But first, they have to save themselves – which could prove to be dangerous work for Devi and her special partner, The Vitaortus. She must help her new sanguinarian friends without becoming exsanguinated herself! If you don’t believe in Vampires, then you clearly haven’t been to Washington DC!

The review: Is hosted at Vamped.

Super Inday and the Golden Bibe – review

Director: Michael Tuviera

Release date: 2010

Contains spoilers

So the word Bibe in Tagalog means duck – we’ll get to that in a second. The reason for looking at this film, in the first instance, was that it featured a tiyanak. However the role is minor within the film, almost a fleeting visitation, and I was just going to go for an Honourable Mention. But then it turned out that our main antagonist is also an energy vampire of sorts.

The film itself is a comedy, quite juvenile in tone but with elements perhaps making it unsuitable for too young an audience. It is certainly an oddity, when viewed through Western eyes, and is a uniquely Filipino take on the superhero. It is also a remake or reimagining of a 1988 film of the same name.

Monster face

So, the film starts with two young children in the forest playing. They see a young girl (Elijah Alejo) sleeping under a tree in a laundry tub. When they approach her she awakens and asks if they know the way to heaven. They make signs showing that they think she’s a tad touched and she turns on them showing her monster face. They leg it. Now the girl is perhaps a little older than the way we have seen the tiyanak portrayed in other vehicles – and this has a plot necessity as a baby wouldn’t be able to speak and interact. Later, in a macabre little twist, we hear that the laundry tub was what the mother of the tiyanak (who has no name) used to bury her.

the golden egg

The tiyanak sees a shooting star heading straight for the earth and hides behind her tub. The thing crashes and is an egg that hatches and reveals a duck (of the title) that transforms into Goldie (John Lapus, Shake, rattle & Roll X, Shake, Rattle and Roll 12 & Shake Rattle & Roll XV). Goldie introduces himself as an angel who has been naughty and cast down from heaven – he has a mission to fulfil before he can return. He turns back into a duck and goes for a rest.

Marian Rivera as Inday

A girl emerges from the water in a slow-mo, hair flicking montage. She is Inday (Marian Rivera, also Shake Rattle & Roll X). The reason this is done is less exploitative and more for comedy value as later we see Goldie emerge in exactly the same way spoofing the entrance into the film of the main protagonist. Inday comes across as quite sassy and goes to her home, only to find her mother collapsed. Mom uses her dying breath to tell Inday that she isn’t her real mother. Her mother (Cherry Pie Picache) and her were maids at a mansion and her mother left when pregnant. A year later Inday was abandoned at the gates of the mansion and she has brought the girl up as her own. She dies.

Super Inday

Goldie reveals to the tiyanak that the mission is to pass on superhero powers to Inday – but she has to pass a series of tests she doesn’t know she is taking. Meanwhile another superhero, Amazing J (Jake Cuenca), is waging a war against giant possessed toys and zombie like henchmen who are stealing children. Inday herself want to go to Manila to try and find her natural mother and gets a job at the mansion where her mother worked.

energy vampirism

I want spoil the main story but I did say that the main antagonist (Mylene Dizon, also Shake Rattle & Roll X) is an energy vampire. We see her a wizened old hag who has a child on the sacrificial altar she has set up and draws the energy from the child making herself young again. We later discover that she has been around since 1898 and her spectral allies are quick to point out that each child will only bring about a temporary blooming of her own youth.

John Lapus as Goldie

As for our tiyanak, well other than an occasional monster face she does nothing monstrous or vampiric – then again, she is resolved to get to heaven. She is called a Child of Janice at one point. The film is silly but Marian Rivera is so personable that she carries the thing along and takes the audience with her. It does stray into unsatisfying maudlin for one section but if the horror films of the Philippines can often have over-the-top comedy characters then they have nothing on John Lapus in this, who is great fun. However, the film throws in the proverbial kitchen sink and perhaps it should have focused a little more. 3.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Shake, Rattle & Roll XV – review

Director: Perci M. Intalan (segment)

Release date: 2014

Contains spoilers


The 15th iteration of the long running Filipino horror anthology series and like all the films in the series consists of three standalone films – ish, as in this the character Iggy (John Lapus, Shake, rattle & Roll X & Shake, Rattle and Roll 12) appears in all three segments – in the last segment (the one we are concerned with) bearing a dressing over the neck, the injury which was picked up in the second segment.

The first two segments are Ahas, about a snakewoman, and Ulam, where a young family are fed foods that turn them into monsters. Flight 666 concerns the tiyanak, or the monster in baby form, though the lore is a little different to that we saw in the film Tiyanak.

John Lapus as recurring character Iggy

The flight 666 (no subtlety there) is an additional flight put on for people bumped from a previous overbooked flight. The first passenger we meet is Dave (Matteo Guidicelli) who is on the phone to his attorney. We hear one side of the story and it seems that another party doesn’t want to settle, putting two and two together – as Dave is a Doctor – it seems he acted as an angel of mercy and something went wrong. The next passenger is a raffle winner who thinks the flight is to London – it is to Zamboanga. There are two members of a band, and their stalker fans, and a grandmother (Lui Manansala, Aswang (2011) Shake, Rattle & Roll 2K5) and her pregnant granddaughter Jane (Ria Garcia) amongst others.

Ria Garcia as jane

One of the stewardesses, Karen (Lovi Poe, also Aswang (2011) & TikTik: the Aswang Chronicles), is Dave’s ex – it becomes apparent that she asked him to leave after she lost their baby. One of the passengers, Carlos (Bernard Palanca), seems very nervous. The Grandmother tells Jane to tell people that a foreigner knocked her up. She has a memory of being in the forest and a monster finding her. Suddenly she sees the monster outside the plane, through the window, but was it really there? There’s no time to think as she goes into labour as Carlos (who is in cahoots with Pamela (Nathalie Hart), the other stewardess) hijacks the plane (having got a gun and a bomb on board).

the tiyanak

Dave has to deliver the baby, which seems stillborn, and Jane dies immediately after giving birth. The plane hits very rough turbulence and the body of the baby is lost. People are scratched and then suddenly the transformed baby is doing a wrecking course through the passenger manifest. It is a school teacher who recognises the tiyanak and likens it, amongst other things, to the toyol. Now, in the film Tiyanak we did not know the baby’s origin. In this we know it is the child of a demon (and a maligno in its own right). This fits with Bane’s description: “This vampiric demon from the Philippines is the offspring between a woman and a demon, but it can also come into being when a child dies without having been baptized.” Interestingly the tiyanak is also referred to as a “Child of Janice”. This references a movie but I couldn’t pin down if it was Tiyanak, the main character in that is not called Janice in that but the actress who plays her is. There is also a 1991 Filipino movie entitled Anak ni Janice (Child of Janice), which she was also in.

hunting

Where this differs in lore from the previous film is that the still attached umbilicus cord can be manipulated and acts as a garrotte but, more importantly, the baby is not transforming at will. In this the baby is in human form when the moon is behind clouds and in monster form when the moonlight is visible. It is mentioned that this is like a werewolf. Other than this it claws and bites, certainly goes for the jugular but does not seem to be drinking blood.

the tiyanak's daddy

This is a madcap and fast paced segment with loads stuffed in, unlike the previous segment, which dragged a tad. Together with the first segment this cements the film as a strong entry in the Shake, Rattle & Roll series. Ok, the effects are somewhat hokey but we accept that in these films. John Lapus’ appearance is cameo in this segment (his part in the first segment is much more central than the other two) but is great fun. 5.5 out of 10 for the Flight 666 segment.

The imdb page is here.

Tiyanak – review

Directors: Peque Gallaga & Lore Reyes

Release date: 1988

Contains spoilers

This is a Filipino movie from the 80s and I was rather excited to see that it was on Amazon Prime (subtitled, of course) despite the fact that it is an atrocious analogue print. Why? Well because the Tiyanak of the title is such an unusual vampire type.

Tiyanak, by the subtitles, translates to monster baby and Bane lists the creature under the name Aswang Tiyanak saying: “It hunts women by shape- shifting into an adorable baby and placing itself somewhere it will be found. When it is discovered, the aswang tiyanak waits until it has been taken home. Then when its would-be rescuer is asleep, the vampire will assume its true form and attack, draining the victim dry of blood.”

as a baby

Now, in actual fact the use of the word aswang is somewhat superfluous. Aswang can be an overarching name for monster or a creature in its own right. So, by dint of being a Filipino monster the tiyanak is an aswang. Aswang are mentioned in this film as a separate type. So it starts with a couple who are crossing a rich family’s forested land, watched by a young boy who works for the family. The wife (Betty Mae Piccio) hears crying and they split up looking for source. She finds an infant lying in what looks like leather. She picks it up but it transforms into a demonic form and attacks, strong enough to throw her around and drag the corpse despite its diminutive size. Her husband finds her corpse and when the boy declares it was a tiyanak attack he punches the youth for his trouble (despite knowing the truth of it).

Lotlot De Leon as Christie

Christie (Lotlot De Leon) has just returned home with her friend JoJo (Ramon Christopher). She meets her brother-in-law Mars (Rudolf Yaptinchay) and is informed of the killing on their land. She is told that her sister, Julie (Janice de Belen, TikTik: the Aswang Chronicles), needs her. Julie is distraught as she has suffered two miscarriages – the second at the 6th month point. In fact she gets quite hysterical and Christie gives her a good slapping because of this!

Lola has the right idea

Then we get some lore as the Grandma (Mary Walter, Shake Rattle & Roll) explains that when there was the war for heaven some angels refused to take sides. When Satan was cast to Hell they tried to return to heaven but were barred from entering and became Malignos – aswang, manananggal and tiyanak. When asked why they attack humans if they were angels we are informed that it is jealousy as humans are the only ones amongst God’s creatures who can enter heaven. Long story, short; Christie discovers a baby in an old building on the property and Julie undertakes to adopt the baby (Angelica, as she is a little angel sent by God, she believes). This is despite the Grandma seeing it and declaring it a maligno that they must immediately kill. The baby, of course, goes on a killing spree.

tiyanak form

So, whilst too young to crawl in human form, it becomes a little rubber doll with sharp teeth at will and attacks when it is dark (but not necessarily at night – after all it isn’t Dracula, it is pointed out). When it turns from demon to baby it sheds its skin (the leathery thing it is found lying in). It heals rapidly and can cross vast distances very quickly. To be killed it needs to be burnt but it avoids fire (so burning its shed skin will allow it to be trapped and killed). The killing aspect is strange as the Grandma declared that Malignos were undying and yet she not only wants to kill it, she tries to do the deed. Their bites can fester nastily if the victim survives.

a tiyanak wound

The photography seems poor but then again the print is awful and the demon baby has more comedy value than fear factor. There are silly moments, for instance Christie (who has been thoroughly terrorised by the creature and seen it in its true form, including when it indulged in slaughtering a maternity hospital) gets the chance to end it, the tiyanak takes human form and she is overwhelmed by her maternal instincts. Luckily there was a handy pre-pubescent boy to save her hide on that occasion.

evil in a bonnet 

The biggest issue, however, is the length. At over two hours it really does outstay its welcome. It could easily have had an hour or more shaved off it. Had that occurred it might have been a fine part in say a Shake Rattle & Roll anthology but as its own vehicle it becomes painfully stretched out. On the other hand, you don’t often see a tiyanak film and it is worth seeing for that reason and it does have some camp horror moments that will likely work better in a group with alcohol imbibed. 3.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Short Film: Dracula: The Legend Lives

This is a 7-minute short film, released in 2017 and directed by David Heavener and whilst the title and the IMDb credit gives us the vampire’s name as Dracula, in film the name Drac von Stoller (David Heavener) is used.

It starts with a young girl, Alicia (Emily Knapp), crossing a cemetery and then the memory of her playing Truth or Dare with Mary Beth (Ardena Francis) and Sara Beth (HarmonieRose Heavener). She chooses Dare and picks a dare from a jar full of written dares. The dare is what has sent her to the cemetery.

outside the coffin room

The terms of the dare are read as we follow her. She is to go to find the vampire Drac von Stoller. His lair is in a house located in the cemetery. She must go there before the sun sets at 19:30 (why, oh why, oh why, do they go with 5 minutes left on the clock? Because, of course, there would be precious little horror film left if our protagonists acted sensibly). She must climb the stairs and head for the room at the top of the house where he sleeps, carrying a hammer and stake.

Drac von Stoller

Now, given the brief discussion about names that I offered right at the head of this, we know that the vampire is going to be in residence. The story itself is adapted from a volume of stories called 31 Horrifying Tales of the Dead, one of several books written under the Drac von Stoller Nom de Plume. The main thing to note about the film is the crisp, professional photography that it utilises and the fact that Heavener really looks the part as the vampire.

The imdb page is here.

Space Boobs in Space – review

Director: Andrew N. Shearer

Release date: 2017

Contains spoilers

Given the title, one might be forgiven for wondering whether this offering falls into the (softcore) porn end of the vampire genre. This is a side of the genre I have deliberately left off TMtV although some of the more exploitative titles have rocked up to the borderline between titillation and pornography.

This film, however, does not. It might stray into something akin to burlesque at times (probably because a lot of the stars/writers are burlesque artists and form the Gonzoriffic Artists Collective) and more accurately it is a portmanteau film where the film’s title refers to the first short, claimed in the wraparound as a historical film of first contact. The wraparound is an alien TV broadcast and all the shorts are films by the human director (Andrew N. Shearer).

our protagonists

The segment that interests us is entitled Lapdance at the Gates of Hell. It starts with our two unnamed protagonists who are staring at a house. Apparently, someone inside is starring back – but that doesn’t make them vampires, it is argued. They “sneak” over to their car – which was taken from outside a club – but the keys (and a mobile phone) are not in there. They determine to go to the house.

lapdance

The plan of action (ultimately flawed as they have no holy water) is to drink holy water and pee on the vampires! They gain entrance when the door is opened by a Renfield like character (Diego Wolf) and are sent to the basement to see the Mistress. There are four vampires down there but they’ll return the phone and keys (they stole the car to escape the rising sun) in return for one of their number getting a lapdance from one of the mortals (Coquette de Jour).

bitten by the vampire ass

Things get out of hand when she bites the lapdancer on the butt. The mortals flee but, in the car, the lapdancer is clearly ill. Suddenly we see her butt cheek has developed fangs, which have sprouted through the flesh, and it strikes into the neck of her friend. And that is all… but we have a vampire ass (and not a donkey) and that has to be a first in the genre (though we have seen vampire boobs before now).

vampires

So, was it good? No, of course not but it wasn’t intended to be and the cast are clearly (in the vampire short and the rest of the film) having a blast. It doesn’t make for great viewing necessarily but if you are after Z grade entertainment you might want to give this one a whirl. I am struggling to score it. The very title Space Boobs in Space should get a point just for being what it is. The vampire piece is unique, genuinely funny in places but ultimately Z grade stuff (as I mentioned). I’m wimping out, and not giving this a score – it is poor (in the genre scheme of things) but designed to be so – and in that the Gonzoriffic Artists Collective achieve what they set out to do.

The imdb page is here.

Back to the USSR – review

Director: Jari Halonen

Release date: 1992

Contains spoilers


Glasnost means different things to different folks. However, given the border proximity between Finland and the USSR it certainly would have had specific impacts in that country. This Finnish film from 1992 is based on this period in history and so I was a little disappointed as I wanted to enjoy it more than I actually did.

The reason? Well I’ll get to that shortly.

Jorma Tommila as Reima

However, first we see an image of a man stood in a coffin paddling towards shore. Later we discover he is Vladimir (Taisto Reimaluoto). Meanwhile, in a small café bar Reima (Jorma Tommila) is trying to convince his estranged wife Molla (Ulla Koivuranta) to come back to him. She lists his failures and yells at him to go hang himself as she leaves. There is a fight in the café bar and Reima is kicked out. We see him walk through the town, causing a scene outside her apartment, until his daughter Liisa (Sanna-Maria Salmi) sends him packing as she has an important exam the next day.

hung

Reima is a communist and hates the way the world is going. It is clear that he used to inform to the USSR and seems generally disliked. He is also loud-mouthed and uncouth and this was one of the issues I had with the film. As our primary protagonist he should have been, at least, pitiable, if not likeable. He was neither. After he gets home he activates his ham radio, looking for a way out and decides to follow Molla’s advice and nail his tie to a beam to hang himself, which he successfully does.

Vladimir and Reima

If the act of being hung was successful, the outcome was not and he swings off the floor but very much alive. At this point the man from the coffin enters his house. He is looking for lodgings and helps Reima down. His luggage is the coffin itself, which is taken to an upstairs room. The film then follows the pair’s misadventures. Beginning with a tour of the town in which Reima abuses a young woman from the Salvation Army, in a scene that borders close to rape – once again I repeat they failed to build any form of sympathy for the Reima character.

meeting the Count

After a botched attempt to rob a post office of Welfare payments, Reima accidentally shoots Vladimir who is unaffected by the accident. This leads him to relate his tale. Joseph had sent him to Transylvania on a mission of urgency (Yes Vladimir, it is insinuated, is Lenin and Joseph would have been Stalin). We see imagery of a nightmare castle, vampires feeding and the Count welcoming Vladimir in. He describes, though we don’t see, the Count falling to his death but biting Vladimir during the event.

invisible on TV

Reima decides that Vladimir will be the immortal symbol of his new party and goes on TV to launch the new revolution. Unfortunately the world thinks him mad as he keeps referring to his companion but he is stood alone – though Vladimir’s cap is in shot, floating in the air. Things go downhill from there. So, why was I disappointed?

a vampire feeds

Partly because the primary character was so unlikable, as I have mentioned, but mainly because the humour didn’t work for me. Admittedly there will have been cultural nuance I missed but the reliance on body humour and misogyny for the laughs also irked. I really hoped for something stronger. I hoped the humour would have been inciteful political commentary rather than (as an example) a spray of diarrhoea as someone was pulled from a toilet. That said, the idea of Lenin living on as a vampire was neat. 4 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.