Monday, February 02, 2015

Bloodlust – review

Director: Michael Kazlo II

Release date: 2004

Contains spoilers

Many moons ago I gave an honourable mention to Michael Kazlo II’s short the Vampire Assassin. The reason it was given an honourable mention was that I was listed as an executive producer – through a very early version of crowdsourcing.

Kazlo had previously made a feature entitled Bloodlust, but it was only very recently that I actually got hold of the film. It was somewhat too soon!

mum's fate
It begins with incredibly grainy shots through a house as we follow the young Maria Hunter (Sydney Fuller-Freed) in pov, as she goes towards the bedroom, to see her parents slaughtered by a vampire. Following this there are arguments with an aunt and uncle over who should look after the children and then we discover they become wards of the church.

dead brother
They are so grateful that Maria (Nicole Signore) and her brother (Josh Gray) become a nun and seminary respectively. All that ends when her brother is killed by the same vampire and Maria goes on a pilgrimage – to kill vampires. There is a vague story about her killing quite a few (you can’t tell a vampire until they show fangs but Maria has a gut feeling to rely on) and then the clans send a vampire assassin – the stalker (Matt Kennedy) – after her.

a vampire
An informant vampire (Heather Blossom Brown) warns her and also tells her where her family's killer can be found. Why? Well, I’m not too sure, though the informant does mention about a sect of vampires trying to become human again. But my word is it laborious to get anywhere in this. The story is bland and the acting poor. However it is the painful fight scenes that will really get you – if you can convince yourself that they are in slow motion you might be able to accept them… just. Except they are not, they are just really poor.

another vampire
Reactions are hilariously non-existent. When a lothario approaches the informant in a bar she pulls his penis off – through his jeans – causing him (rightly) to collapse to the floor but not a person in the bar bats an eyelid – even when she drops his severed dick into her drink! A fight between a vampire and Maria in a nightclub is notable (beyond the rubbish fight moves) for the fact that everyone dances around them without reacting at all.

how do you solve a problem like Maria?
Not a lot more to say. Apparently the stalker doesn’t have a heart and so can’t be killed. But is killed. The church sent Maria and her brother to martial art training to protect them. It did little for her brother who simply held up an ineffectual cross to the vampire attacking him and one might argue it did little for Maria as her fighting style was so poor, but clearly it was better than the vampires' as she keeps winning. 2 out of 10 for sheer effort and audacity.

The imdb page is here.

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