Friday, November 29, 2013

Blood Kiss – review

Director: Michael W. Johnson

Release date: 1999

Contains spoilers

The DVD of Blood Kiss suggests that the quality of image may vary as the film is taken from different sources. How true this is I don’t know but it doesn’t really vary as it is all pretty poor. Film shot on cheap end video equipment, with no inherent photography expertise, is about the best thing I could say about it.

That could be the message of every aspect of the whole flick – cheap end and no inherent expertise. It’s sad, it’s unfortunately also true.

Steve Lee as Adam Mortis
The film background is told in flashback through the piece but, essentially, it runs a little like this. A man, Danny Dodd (Jeff Murphy), has a wife Elaine and daughter Trudy. When driving along one day they come across a yard sale and a dodgy (in terms of acting as much as anything) gypsy sells her a book that purports to be the true tale of a vampire, Adam Mortis (Steve Lee). She works out where his remains are meant to be and is going to, with her occultist friends (or should I say friend, singular), bring him back. Danny doesn’t complain about her drugging and taking their daughter as a sacrifice because he doesn’t believe it’s real.

bite
It’s real. His wife is killed and his daughter lost (he presumes eaten). Ten years later (according to the DVD blurb – I am sure that the film suggests sixteen but I haven’t got the gumption to recheck) the vampire is back in town. Danny is on his trail (and also beheads at least one corpse of a victim down the morgue) as is a cop (Steven Mark Hahn). The vampire has a human disciple called Miranda whom he is grooming for undead life (guess who she might be) and a taste for strippers and prostitutes.

stalking and blood soaked
That’s about all the story but the film – which clocks in at a monumental 2 hours – trundles on and on through a turgid sea of woeful acting and copious amounts of not particularly erotic nudity. There really isn’t much more to add. A short review for a long film with little in the way of positive aspects to wax lyrical about. I will dare you to watch the scene of the cop and a homeless lady who screeches, on repeat, “Naked and dead” and not want to throw something at the screen. There is a 'shocking' sexual coupling that you can see coming, with its associated plot twist, a mile away (even though it makes little sense in a plot way, probably because the entire act of seduction is simply disrobing in a non-erotic manner and that’s about it).

Bad.

1 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

2 comments:

Alex said...

Jesus. How do you get the energy to watch these things? Surely there must be better things you could spend your time on.

Taliesin_ttlg said...

I sometimes wonder ;)