Saturday, July 23, 2011

Vampire Whores from Outer Space – review

Director: Eamon Hardiman

Release date: 2005

Contains spoilers

You know, maybe it is just me. I appreciate why people think some low budget movies are funny, after all, who hasn’t laughed at the tombstone moment in Plan 9 From Outer Space. Whilst Ed Wood was serious about his film making, we laugh but it is a genuinely generous laughter, or at least I think so.

However there are some low budget movies that are not funny at all – even when they are actually billed as a comedy. At this point may I offer Exhibit A – Vampire Whores from Outer Space. Red neck and white trash characters, spinning ‘jokes’ about anti-Semitic leanings and back alley abortion just aren’t my idea of fun.

the space ship
Let us cut to the chase as there isn’t really much story in this. A space-ship crashes out in the woods, an event witnessed by teen geek and right wing sympathiser Kevin (Lance Steele), slut (and potentially junky) cheerleader Dawn (Meghan McDowell) and Burt (Brian Gunnoe), a red neck crazy who had been complaining about visitations from alien vampire whores.

Eamon Hardiman as Tate
The crash inconveniences the chief of police, Tate (Eamon Hardiman), as he and the fire chief had buried the body of a drifter they murdered out in the woods. Tate – ostensibly investigating the plane crash (he believes to have occurred) – goes out to dig the body up and meets one of the vampires who helps him with the body and gives the one year dead corpse head before killing Tate – by sucking… well the blood doesn’t come from his neck. It was strange as this drifter storyline was throwaway and yet the most intriguing part of the film… probably because Hardiman actually gave a decent performance.

a vampire
As for the rest, the alien women are vampires and whores and later we see their alien pimp – which is some guy in an alien mask. It’s up to the hapless ‘heroes’ to save the day and you won’t honestly care one way or another, should you drag yourself through the film’s running length. The vampire lore indicates that sunlight is not an issue but garlic is. Holy water doesn’t work (or at least Burt blessed water doesn't) but a stake through the heart does. That’s about it.

An awful film but the brief performance by director Hardiman drags the score to at least a single point because the rest of the film had no real redeeming qualities. 1 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

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