Okay, so it probably didn’t help that I watched director John Johnson’s Skeleton Key 2 prior to watching this, though some of the gags/characters in the second film now make more sense.
Not that this is a great film in any sense of the phrase but something within me is enamoured by Johnson’s work. Perhaps it is because he made the brave attempt at making an indie version of Dracula – Alucard – I don’t really know. These are badly acted, poorly realised, crude effects movies and yet there is an indefatigable something. Possibly because the primaries are having, obviously, a great time. Plus they have Conrad Brooks introducing them.
This sees journalist (for a magazine based in a pizza parlour) Howard (John Johnson) sent off with his photographer, Cornelius (Karthik Srinivasan) to find a 2 headed 5 legged goat. Instead Howard is attacked by a zombie, bitten, meets a manifestation of his own evil (Paul Stark) and ends up, along with taxi driver Nicopernicus (David Simmons), in Nilbog. A town were monsters rule, zombies roam the streets and their only allies appear to be a group of people who had been celebrating Halloween. All this is watched on video by Neil (Liam Smith) a fanboy who has already seen the film – thus offers commentary – and ends up in the film himself.
It is the vampires we are interested in and, like in the next film, the main vampire is the Bloofer Lady (Debbie Rochon) whom we first see briefly as one of the 'heroes' runs into her house and she shows fangs and hisses at him before he beats a hasty retreat. The Bloofer Lady does not appear then until towards the end of the film.
Next we see, after Howard and Cornelius get stuck in cobwebs, a character called Spiderella (Brinke Stevens). Now she is a spider creature but she does have fangs and bites Howard… somewhere rather personal. She is scared off by Codo, the dog owned by Nicopernicus. Not a vampire but worth mentioning due to the look and the fact that Brinke Stevens played her.
The 'heroes' actually manage to escape Nilbog in this film, leaving the few surviving female Halloween revellers in the hands of villain Dr Noches (Jay Barber) – including Howard’s love (or lust) interest Sandy (Denise Shrader). The 'heroes' end up returning but not before we see the Halloween reveller who was dressed as a leprechaun (Hans David Moore) turn into a vampire as he was bitten before he escaped with the 'heroes'. This would almost explain how we got a leprechaun vampire in the second film, except he gets staked in this!
Meanwhile the nurse (Mariah Smith) and School Girl (Lindsey Welch) revellers are turned by the Bloofer Lady – in a gratuitous nudey scene that Neil pauses and comments about. As it is, it is Neil who has to go in later and face the vampire women. Sandy (and her French Maid outfit) is kept in the lair of Dr Noches.
He stakes the nurse (I’ll refer to them by Halloween costume even though, as vampires, they have changed into nightwear) and misses her heart and immediately gets her with another stake. The school girl is staked by mop – which I must admit was a nice touch. He holds the Bloofer Lady off by fingers held in the shape of a cross, finds a mallet and stake in her room (and wonders just why she’d keep such things in her room) and then stakes her – much too high up to get her heart, as it happens, but that’s just as well as she appears in film #2, played by Syn DeVil.
That’s it for vampires folks. Not a great film but bizarrely fascinating. I can’t recommend you search it out – you’d likely hate me – but if you like really cheap films you might want to ignore that and get it anyway. The imdb page is here.
Not that this is a great film in any sense of the phrase but something within me is enamoured by Johnson’s work. Perhaps it is because he made the brave attempt at making an indie version of Dracula – Alucard – I don’t really know. These are badly acted, poorly realised, crude effects movies and yet there is an indefatigable something. Possibly because the primaries are having, obviously, a great time. Plus they have Conrad Brooks introducing them.
This sees journalist (for a magazine based in a pizza parlour) Howard (John Johnson) sent off with his photographer, Cornelius (Karthik Srinivasan) to find a 2 headed 5 legged goat. Instead Howard is attacked by a zombie, bitten, meets a manifestation of his own evil (Paul Stark) and ends up, along with taxi driver Nicopernicus (David Simmons), in Nilbog. A town were monsters rule, zombies roam the streets and their only allies appear to be a group of people who had been celebrating Halloween. All this is watched on video by Neil (Liam Smith) a fanboy who has already seen the film – thus offers commentary – and ends up in the film himself.
It is the vampires we are interested in and, like in the next film, the main vampire is the Bloofer Lady (Debbie Rochon) whom we first see briefly as one of the 'heroes' runs into her house and she shows fangs and hisses at him before he beats a hasty retreat. The Bloofer Lady does not appear then until towards the end of the film.
Next we see, after Howard and Cornelius get stuck in cobwebs, a character called Spiderella (Brinke Stevens). Now she is a spider creature but she does have fangs and bites Howard… somewhere rather personal. She is scared off by Codo, the dog owned by Nicopernicus. Not a vampire but worth mentioning due to the look and the fact that Brinke Stevens played her.
The 'heroes' actually manage to escape Nilbog in this film, leaving the few surviving female Halloween revellers in the hands of villain Dr Noches (Jay Barber) – including Howard’s love (or lust) interest Sandy (Denise Shrader). The 'heroes' end up returning but not before we see the Halloween reveller who was dressed as a leprechaun (Hans David Moore) turn into a vampire as he was bitten before he escaped with the 'heroes'. This would almost explain how we got a leprechaun vampire in the second film, except he gets staked in this!
Meanwhile the nurse (Mariah Smith) and School Girl (Lindsey Welch) revellers are turned by the Bloofer Lady – in a gratuitous nudey scene that Neil pauses and comments about. As it is, it is Neil who has to go in later and face the vampire women. Sandy (and her French Maid outfit) is kept in the lair of Dr Noches.
He stakes the nurse (I’ll refer to them by Halloween costume even though, as vampires, they have changed into nightwear) and misses her heart and immediately gets her with another stake. The school girl is staked by mop – which I must admit was a nice touch. He holds the Bloofer Lady off by fingers held in the shape of a cross, finds a mallet and stake in her room (and wonders just why she’d keep such things in her room) and then stakes her – much too high up to get her heart, as it happens, but that’s just as well as she appears in film #2, played by Syn DeVil.That’s it for vampires folks. Not a great film but bizarrely fascinating. I can’t recommend you search it out – you’d likely hate me – but if you like really cheap films you might want to ignore that and get it anyway. The imdb page is here.
2 comments:
I stopped by here because I thought you were going to be discussion The Skeleton Key with Kate Hudson and John Hurt, but instead I got a nice .... surprise! Just when I think I've seen it all in movies (Bollywood vampires), you give us something new to wonder about. Thanks, Taliesin, for suffering through this so we may know about it! ;-)
:)
Post a Comment