Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Vampires and Other Stereotypes – review


Director: Kevin J Lindenmuth

Release date: 1994

Contains spoilers

If you searched, you would see that this is the fifth Kevin J Lindenmuth film reviewed on Taliesin Meets the Vampires. There was Rage of the Werewolf and the trilogy Addicted to Murder, Addicted to Murder 2: Tainted Blood and Addicted to Murder 3: Bloodlust Vampire Killer.

Bizarrely, the first Addicted to Murder had something about it – though that quality was indefinable. Sure, it wasn’t the greatest movie ever but at least I could give it that. The other films were all varying levels of rubbish. This was Lindenmuth’s first film and, watching it, you’d be forgiven for wondering where the vampires came into it – until the end. Actually they are there all along and there is a big reveal. I shall spoil that as the film is, frankly, poor and so it doesn’t matter.

Ivan and RosenThe film begins with cityscape shots in black and white, for no real good reason, and then we see a couple in bed. He is called Ivan (Bill White) and she is called Rosa (Laura McLaughlin). She wakes and looks at him. When he wakes up he is distressed because a device is blinking and it means he partner is en route. Rosa is a tarot reader and tells him, as he awakens, that he will need her help one day (and promptly doesn't come back into the film) and that Ivan will, that very night, meet a girl who is special.

At least that is what I pieced together over the course of the film. You see we have a definite dialogue lost in soundtrack issue with this – certainly on my DVD, which is a German release. In fact, it was so bad that I would have put the subtitles on except, of course, they were German subtitles.

the big spoil revealedIvan meets up with his partner, Harry (Ed Hubbard) – and this is how poor the sound was on the DVD, I actually thought he was called Terrance for a lot of the film! They are kind of like Men in Black, but not in black and not investigating aliens – rather their devices help them track demons. They are also vampires… yes there is the massive spoiler and, to be honest, the film would have worked better is we had known it all along. It would have added a dimension for the viewer. Be that as it may…

dead demonThey find a man about to be killed by a demon and save him, though he doesn’t trust them. I think he was called Albert and, if so, he was played by Rick Poli. Before she dies (and withers away to old) the demon kept saying that they should leave the man to his fate. Albert was an information broker who had been working for the demons and is worried about his daughter and them going after her for revenge.

the girlsCut to a girl, Linda (Anna Dipace), dancing to the TV as she gets ready for a party. She is summoned, along with Jennifer (Suzanne Scott), to the bathroom by Kirsten (Wendy Bednarz) to check how she looks. Kirsten is going on a date with Erik (Mick McCleery) – who I thought was called Aaron at one point, damn you crappy sound on the DVD. The other two are coming to the party with her, as a favour. Erik, when he arrives, looks a little rocker-ish.

Erik is a demonThey get to the party but no one is opening the door, and none of the girls’ mention the lack of party noises. The door isn’t opening because the demon has been killed. A nail grows out of a wall and through Jennifer’s hand and the blood pulls the building through a Hell Portal (or so we are informed later as we get no indication of anything happening at the time). Albert, it turns out, is Kirsten’s dad and Erik is really a demon in disguise.

Ivan falls for KirstenOf course Kirsten is the one that Ivan falls for, she was also sold to Hell before she was born and is due to be breeding stock to make half breeds as they can go out in sunlight (the sunlight rule applies to demons it seems). Of course this doesn’t fit with Albert's initial story. They have to be in the first room when the sun comes up in our world to escape, or something like that.

stakedVampires, in this, protect our world from Hell and haven’t hunted humans for thousands of years. Harry falls from the wagon – he sends a message as to why to Ivan but for the life of me I couldn’t work out what he said. Because they don’t hunt humans they can go out in sunlight (unlike the demons). They are killed via heart impalement.

This was bad and not just because I couldn’t hear the dialogue properly – though clearly it didn’t help. Bad story that was badly pulled together, uniformly bad acting and bad effects (one of which, at least, was recycled into the third Addicted to Murder film straight from this). The locations were very limited and so Hell, for the main, is an empty room in a building, with a pit in it. Okay, it was the director's first effort but it was really poor. Avoid 0.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.


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