For a Few Demons More – review

Author: Kim Harrison

First Published: 2007

contains spoilers

The Blurb:

“Bargaining with Demons has left Rachel Morgan in constant danger of losing her soul.

“As if being famous in the underworld – for all the wrong reasons – and sharing her home with a vampire and he jealous girlfriend didn’t make her vulnerable enough, one night Rachel finds demons ransacking her home with no fear of sanctified ground. They are searching for something they believe Rachel to possess – a danger that Rachel thought was well hidden and secret.

“But when the human morgue starts to fill up with partially-turned lupine women who have been brutally murdered, Rachel realises that someone else knows the Focus still exists and that she may have been betrayed.”

The Review:

This is book number five in the series of books concerned with independent witch Rachel Morgan, who along with her partners, living vampire Ivy and pixie Jenks, run Vampiric Charms – well the best way to describe it would be a private investigation service – though they tend to be more about bringing them in than investigating the crime. I reviewed the fourth book, A Fistful of Charms, last year.

The book follows on from that neatly and is one of the slew of multi-monster supernatural books that are flooding the market. This book maintains a nice balance between the concerns of the elves, demons, weres and vampires – each group getting a fair slice of story. As in all the other books in the series it is told in first person from Rachel’s point of view.

To be honest, at first, I found myself getting a little bored. We were in the same situation as previous books and the characters do not seem to be growing in the inter-relationships. I actually thought, God if Rachel Morgan whines once more I’m giving up.

However that does the book a disservice as, about ¼ of the way in things became more cohesive and the story took over, proving itself to be a well thought out rollercoaster ride through the supernatural world of Cincinnati post-turn (the turn being when the supernatural creatures found themselves, due to a gm food mistake, the dominate part of society and so made themselves public). At that point, the book became a permanent part of my hand until it was finished!

There are some nice little twists, that fit in with the lore that Harrison has built up, and she kills off a couple of major characters – a move by an author that I respect and, indeed, a brave move. There is also a very brief appearance by a group of Demon Practitioners (witches who involve themselves in the illegal world of demon summoning), which was almost throwaway but clearly leaves a new, and dangerous, group available for future volumes.

So, a slow start, but then things hot up and when they do the book becomes darker than those that have gone before. All in all a worthwhile addition to the series. 7 out of 10.

Guest Review – The Hamiltons

Leila’s Vampire Movies is down at the moment, and will be for a little while at least. Leila had just completed a review of The Hamiltons, a film about to get Region 2 release and one that I reviewed from the region 1 edition.

As a little treat for you all, I am happy to host Leila’s review. Feel free to do a compare and contrast on our thoughts – Leila purposefully didn’t read my review so as not to be at all influenced. Without further ado:


The Hamiltons (USA, 2007)

Running Time: 87 minutes
Video Certificate: 18
Directed By: The Butcher Brothers
Starring: Cory Knauf, Samuel Child, Joseph McKelheer, Mackenzie Firgens
Genre:Horror/Slasher/Teen Drama
Themes: Vampire Family/Incest/Dysfunctional Family/Rite of Passage

Tag line:

"Every Family Has Secrets..."

"Meet the Neighbours from Hell..."

Review [Includes Spoilers!!!]:

The story of the Hamiltons follows Frances (Cory Knauf) the youngest of four teenagers trying to cope with the world after their parents recent death. The head of the family is David (Samuel Child), and then their are also the gothic twins Wendell (Joseph McKelheer) and Darlene (Mackenzie Firgens). Frances finds himself increasingly alone since David is wrapped up with his perceived responsibilities and the twins only seem to need each other.

The audience follows Frances' multi-layered rite of passage as he deals with his grief at the death of his parents, genuine teen concerns of growing up, as well as how to cope with the physical changes he is undergoing. Cory Knauf manages to pull off the confusion and anger wonderfully, avoiding the whiny stereotype to become a really sympathetic protagonist, torn between normality and his unusual "family."

The other three members of the family are equally well developed. Twins hot-headed Wendell and goth Darlene with their incestuous erotic games are just fantastically twisted. When they play dare, double dare with one of Darlene's friends the action really hots up, managing to be sexy and yet never explicit.

Then there's David. At first the eldest sibling seems the most uninteresting character; staid responsible, dull, almost a cardboard cut out and yet this changes when the twins finally push him too far… David's explosion when it happens is well worth waiting for.



Much of the action is filmed through the lens of Frances' video camera, as he is recording a school project about his family. The story unfolds like a documentary, teasing the audience and revealing snippits as it goes along. This is a really effective technique and keeps the viewer on edge and unsure until the very end.

The Hamiltons is a unique addition to the horror genre. From the earliest scene of a female victim in some kind of basement, it plays like the old 70's Slasher films, gritty, raw, dark and unrelenting. However as soon as you meet the family it moves beyond mere convention and into the realms of teen drama and almost black comedy. The characters make this film and elevate it beyond being just another Texas Chainsaw Massacre clone. Refreshingly shot from the perspective of the villains so to speak, the film portrays the family in a very human light, and yet at the same time manages to get across the horrific nature of their actions.



Clearly a labour of love this film is to me what independent movies are all about. It has fantastic characters, a good story, decent script and it also makes the most of its very small budget. I actually feel quite guilty for reviewing this, because by having The Hamiltons on a site like this gives away the shock ending about what the family really are and it is quite a shock, because for most of the film you really have no idea what's coming.



Six Feet Under meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hamiltons has a great twist and will certainly appeal to fans of the classic Slasher films and anyone looking for a dark modern take on the vampire genre. An impressive debut indeed.

Release Info: UK DVD release date July 2nd 2007



Review by Leila Anani

Vamp or Not? Blood Sisters of Lesbian Sin

With a title like that I believed I was going to settle down to watch a bloomin’ awful film and with a description that I’d read, which ran: “Three sexy, lesbian vampires with insatiable appetites for the women of Earth have appeared from the depths of hell to conquer the world one sexual conquest at a time! Only one man can stop their reign of erotic horror -- Johnny Blake (Justin Gorrence). But will he give in to their temptations?” I am sure I can be forgiven for believing that I was in for some Vampiric badness. Note pad in hand I settled down to watch…

The beginning was positive. A man and woman in bed, a figure at the window. The woman awakens and strips as she heads towards the man who has entered the room. He bites. Her partner awakens and has his neck broken for his troubles. Neighbours break in to find the couple dead. The vampire returns to his crypt, opens his coffin to find it occupied. He seems to know the man, he calls him The Monk (Justine Gorrence). The Monk has a sword and beheads the vampire…

Okay, so far so good. We have a vampire, the acting is awful, the sets pathetic. A night of bad movie entertainment awaits… But wait… This is a ‘Vamp or Not?’ This is, except for a brief mention later, the end of vampiric involvement. Whoever wrote the synopsis I have quoted did not watch the film. Indeed this Greg Griffin directed film was entitled Sisters of Sin until Troma got hold of it for distribution – at that point it seems that someone who had not watched the film sensationalised the title.

What we have is paranormal bad guy hunter The Monk, aka Johnny Blake, who meets Catherine Coogan (Lara Dans) - a woman with a problem. Her two sisters vanished and she is being hunted. They are the daughters of the virgin priestess of Asmodeus, who was raped and kidnapped by their Dad (Martin King). Actually she is who she says she is but she is not in danger. She is Sister Avarice, and one of the bad guys, testing Monk before blasting him with a red light to take him over, in order that he can retrieve her sisters’ rings of power for her.

With the help of his secretary Karen (Heather Lee McIntyre) he goes after Sister Anger (Alisa Christensen) first. She is the one lesbian sister it appears. Then he goes after Sister Lust (Jenna Johns). Can he resist Avarice in time to save the world? Who cares?

This is as poorly acted, scripted and directed as I’d suspected when I sat down to watch… but sometimes you just want to watch a bad movie, it makes the good ones better. It had pretensions to bigger and better things that made it amusing in a bad B flick way, but these girls are witches not vampires. The main story has nothing at all to do with vampires. The brief mention I touched on was when we hear that The Monk’s mother and sister became vampires ten years before, that’s how he got into the business. Can we say Captain Kronos rip off.

A bad film with no redeeming vampires in the main plot and the one we do get lasts 2 minutes at the head of the film. Perhaps that would have made for a Honourable Mention (or dishonourable in this case), but as the main plot had suggested vampires, I have to say Not Vamp for the main.


The imdb page is here.

Vamp or Not? Deathdream

This is a film listed on most authoritative vampire filmographies and yet I have chosen to write a ‘Vamp or Not?’ A little research shows the reason, this film is also listed as a zombie movie and, the truth be told, it really does straddle the two genres. The question is, ‘is the foot placed in the vampire camp on solid enough ground to call this Vamp?’

The film itself begins in Vietnam, at night, the screen occasionally illuminated by explosions. Two soldiers move through the trees. One is shot and the other, Andy Brooks (Richard Backus), moves over to him, it is clear they are buddies. As he looks down on his fallen comrade we hear a gun and Andy is killed. The camera lingers on his face through the credits and we hear a voice, “You can’t die Andy.”

The Brooks family have settled down to dinner and father, Charles (John Marley), is saying grace and mother, Christine (Lynn Carlin), speaks quietly to Andy - the earlier voice. Also present is daughter Cathy (Anya Ormsby). As Charles carves dinner it becomes clear that Christine has a definite obsession with her son. There is a knock at the door and it is George (Arthur Bradley), an army Captain and friend of the family. He has brought the notification of Andy’s death – something Christine will not believe.

Later that night Charles wakes to find Christine missing from bed. She is in Andy’s room, on his rocking chair, holding a candle and whispering to her son, convinced he is still alive. We cut to a truck which has pulled up and, out of sight of the camera, we hear the driver offer a soldier a ride.

The truck pulls up to a diner and the driver gets out to get a coffee and smokes. He complains to the owners that the passenger he picked up hasn’t said a word, not even thank you. He buys the guy a coffee anyway. We see the truck parked up and then a pov shot as someone approaches the Brooks’ house.

Cathy wakes her dad, having heard something downstairs. He gets his gun and goes down, followed by the women. Something is wrong as the dog is in the house. Suddenly they see Andy. There is an assumption that the State Department made a mistake with the notification of death. However, Andy seems odd, emotionless. He doesn’t want a party. When they say they thought he was dead, he replies he was and, seeing the worry, smiles and then laughs as though it were a joke, but it seems forced and just a little creepy.

However, the cops have found the truck driver in the cab, with his throat slit. When he goes for autopsy they notice a needle puncture in his arm. At the diner they discover he was giving a soldier a ride.

Andy’s behaviour starts to effect Charles, Andy does not eat and does not want people to know he is home. He seems withdrawn. We have seen him go out, at night, and scratch something on a tombstone. Things come to a head when Charles brings some of the neighbourhood kids round. One goes to show off his karate and Andy grabs his arm. The dog is snarling and Andy throttles it with his free arm. Charles is distraught – going to a bar – but Christine won’t hear anything bad about her son.

A drunk Charles brings Doc Allman (Henderson Forsythe) to see Andy, who is evasive but reveals enough to make the Doc suspicious, believing that Andy is a suspect in the murder. It is clear that Andy knows this and follows the Doc to his surgery. It is here that we start to see genre elements.

Andy has no heartbeat, and feels no hunger. However his face is looking wrinkled. He tells the Doc that he was invited in, and this small line gives us a vampiric element – both the Doc and the Trucker issued invites to Andy. Andy also tells the Doc “I died for you, shouldn’t you return the favour.” He throttles Doc Allman, stabs him repeatedly with a large syringe and then takes blood by needle, which he gives himself. The next day he is looking much better.

Cathy has arranged a double date for Andy with his old girlfriend, going out with her and her boyfriend. However, before they go he notices that part of his hand is rotten and crawling with worms. He puts on gloves and dark glasses. As things progress he gets much worse.

At the drive-in, alone with Joanne (Jane Daly), a pustule appears and bursts on his forehead. His eyes have become odd. His behaviour has become more violent also and he takes her blood through biting her neck. He manages to get home and by then he is looking absolutely rotten. By the time his mother gets him to the cemetery, chased by cops, he is looking very rotten indeed.

Probably the most poignant part of the film is when we see the gravestone that he has scratched with his own name and dates of birth and death, and Andy trying to bury himself in a shallow grave before the animation that kept him going flees.

The film itself should be familiar, it is a retelling and extension of the classic tale ‘The Monkey’s Paw’. However what director Bob Clark did was make an anti-war, specifically Vietnam, film (the release was in 1974). The symbolism works on two levels. In some respects Andy represents those soldiers back from war with PTSD, their personalities broken. In other respects he is purely symbolic, showing the effect that the death of the soldier has on the family – to the point of Charles committing suicide.

Conceptually you could tie this to the classic tale The Monkey's Paw, but is it Vamp though? It really does straddle the genres. Andy is emotionless, violent and rots. That is very zombie like. However he needs an invite and relies on blood to reverse the rotting process which is much more vampire. Though it straddles the genres I believe it fits well in both, needing to borrow from the vampire genre, if for no other reason than a zombie would be unable to communicate cognitively.

Keen-eyes viewers will spot a poster, briefly, for the 1972 vampire film Deathmaster. Perhaps just some trivia, or perhaps a pointer as to where Clark was coming from with his film.

The kudos for acting must go to John Marley as Charles, a brilliant performance. It is difficult to tell if Backus emotionless performance was brilliant acting, as it is how Andy was meant to be, or poor. However it works for the film.

An unusual example of a vampire film and worth catching.

The imdb page is here.

I was a teenage vampire – review

Directed by: Jimmy Huston

Release Date: 1988

Contains spoilers


From the first notes of the introduction music you know you are stuck in the eighties (though there is a soundtrack treat later) and, being a teen comedy, you’d be forgiven for overlooking the film. However it has a slight charm.

The introduction is interesting as we follow through Jeremy Capello’s (Robert Sean Leonard) dream. He is sat within the coils of a tuba, even though he does not play. Nearby is Candy Andrews

(LeeAnne Locken), who he knows is attracted to him, yet his eyes keep moving to Darla Blake (Cheryl Pollak) – an odd girl in his assessment. Darla passes him a note, follow me it says, so he does – into the girl’s locker room. No one seems to notice him except Darla, who asks him to shower with her and make love. They kiss and she turns into another woman (Cecilia Peck). Pulling away he is noticed, grabbed by the girls and a nun comes at him with shears. On waking he checks his privates.

It was an intriguing way to start the film, though his friend Ralph (Evan Mirand) thinks him nuts for ignoring Candy for Darla – even if it was a dream. In class Jeremy finds that he can’t help but stare at Darla, and as a result she passes him a note calling him a creep.

Jeremy works for a supermarket and has to deliver some groceries. One is to an old mansion, which is decrepit outside. He goes in and sees a cat, which promptly scratches him and runs away. A woman enters, and apologises for Nora but Jeremy recognises her as the mysterious woman in his dreams. She sucks the blood from the scratch on his finger and asks him to come back that night.

Jeremy is doubtful, not only was she the woman from his dream but she knew his name when he never offered it, but Ralph persuades him to go, waiting outside in the car. Jeremy gets in and the cat leads him upstairs. Suddenly the woman is there, in underwear. She says her name is Nora and one wonders if this means that, as a vampire – well she would have to be wouldn’t she – she can turn into a cat or if she is being evasive. We see evidence of wolf transformation later.

They are quickly into bed but outside Ralph has slid into his seat as a van draws past. Two men, Professor Leopold McCarthy (David Warner) and Grimsdyke (Paul Wilson) get out and break into the mansion. McCarthy bursts into the bedroom – Nora having just bitten Jeremy, and shouts out about Hellspawn. Jeremy manages to get away. We hear, but don’t see, Nora scream and they blow up the mansion.

The next day Jeremy has no appetite and looks pale. He is going to skip school

but the news report of the fire at the mansion compels him to find Ralph. What we get then is Jeremy being followed by a man he thinks is a cop, until he introduces himself as Modoc (Rene Auberjonois) – a vampire councellor, as Jeremy has been infected. Of course Jeremy doesn’t believe at first and so much of the film is about his coming to terms with being a vampire. We have Jeremy and his developing romance with Darla, of which his vampirism is getting in the way. Finally we have McCarthy hunting the vampire but, in a case of mistaken identity, he thinks it is Ralph.

The vampires in this are actually really nice people, just trying to get along. McCarthy has worked out an infection rate using exponentials but most vampires drink pigs blood. Indeed there is an all night butcher that’s sells it bottled and in cans! Modoc tells Jeremy that there were a few rotten apples in the dark ages that have given them a tarnished reputation and that they are a minority (this is important).

They have no reflection, Jeremy in denial – trying to shave – complains that the mirror is broken. They have telepathic control. They can turn into wolves. Sunlight is a minor irritant to living vampires (dead vampires cannot go out in it), making a distinction to those infected and those who have died whilst infected (we see Nora later so can assume she becomes one of those). They are violently allergic to garlic, Jeremy tries to eat pizza and involuntarily growls at it on his first date with Darla.

Most of their powers are described in a handy vampire instruction manual that, of course, Jeremy fails to read. The cross should be an issue and yet Jeremy walks without problem into a church. The slayers have a variety of implements; including a stake crossbow - though why they don't use simple bolts escaped me. We are also told that living vampires age just one year for every ten that passes.

I mentioned the soundtrack and part way through we are treated to Timbuk3’s one hit wonder “The future’s so bright, I’ve got to wear shades”, played as Jeremy comes to terms with his condition. Well it made me smile.

Speaking of which, the film is a comedy and the humour doesn’t exactly miss the point but isn’t laugh out loud funny. However, one bit that did make me chuckle was a shame. Jeremy’s parents realise something is going on and decide that he is coming to terms with being gay. In actual fact this is exactly what the film is about. Vampirism is symbolic, in this, for homosexuality and the hunters represent the more offensive attitudes in society. The reason that it is a shame is because such a poignant and important subject was reduced to one of the funnier parts of the film, detracting from what the film genuinely had to say.

All in all, not a bad teen flick. 4 out of 10 would seem fair, but one to avoid if you like your vampires evil – they are the good guys in this. Of that there can be no doubt.

The imdb page is here.

Hellboy Animated – Blood and Iron – review

Directed by: Victor Cook & Tad Stones

Release Date: 2007

Contains spoilers


This is the second Hellboy animated to be released and, as you can guess by it being here, it contains vampires. The film is feature length and has the stars of the Hellboy live action movie performing voice acting duties. The DVD itself comes with a plethora of extras – two of which I’ll get to at the end of the review and a 32 page comic. Now, I was a little excited about the comic as it is a story called the Yearning and has skeletal creatures lusting for blood at the beginning. However these are bone ghouls and not vampires.

The other thing to note is that the edition I received from Play.com is an exclusive boxed set that comes with a Hellboy bust-up toy. A little diorama of Hellboy Vs. The Bat God, the toy has nothing to do with this actual film but, well hey… I’m a sucker for a toy in a DVD set!

At the head of the feature, the credits come over some marvellous 3D animation of a graveyard, though the film itself is in standard 2D. The story proper begins with Hellboy (Ron Perlman) stalking through sewers. He ends up in battle with a minotaur type creature, with a metal arm, and aided in his fight by Abe Sapien (Doug Jones). A fight scene later and Hellboy is victorious – though his efforts have been observed and a woman’s voice questions why he opposes his own kind.

Now the film does something interesting. We get a back story regarding Professor Bruttenholm, or ‘Broom’ – voiced in modern times by John Hurt and as a younger man by James Arnold Taylor – the story focusing on his first real field trip and his battles with the vampire Erzsebet Ondrushko (Kath Soucie). What the film does is run the sequences in flashback in reverse chronology, according to the extras an almost accidental format born of the feature being under length.

One should note that Erzsebet is obviously based on Erzsébet Báthory, and so why they did not use that name is beyond me.

The first flash back we see is Broom with members of the Transylvanian constabulary, the fiancée of a young missing woman and a priest, as they make their way into Erzsebet’s lair. In the main room skeletons hang from the walls, or are in situ on the rack and the priest seems to have visions of the girls alive and tortured.

Broom notices fresh blood on the floor and it leads to a wall. They break through the wall and enter a secret room. The missing young lady, Anna (Grey DeLisle), is on the floor, by a bath of blood, with punctures in her neck. On seeing this and Broom's intentions, the priest backs away and runs. Broom has the fiancée stake his love to save her soul.

The remaining men then open Erzsebet’s coffin, but it is empty. Blood drips onto Broom’s hand and they sweep their flashlights upwards. One of the constables is being held on the ceiling, his neck bitten by Erzsebet. Panicking the men run, with Broom telling them to hold. They manage to escape but, off screen, are ripped apart by wolves with glowing blue eyes.

Broom is alone and the room comes alive with blue flamed candles. Erzsebet appears before him and he takes a hip flask from his pocket. She mocks his need to fortify himself with a drink but he flings the contents towards her, the flask is filled with holy water that burns at her face, stripping her of her beauty.

Enraged she leaps at Broom, the momentum carrying them both through a curtain and a window into the dawn. Broom catches the balcony ledge as Erzsebet plummets through the sky, her body consumed by flames. It has all been a dreamed memory and Broom awakens. However, looking in the mirror he feels the back of his neck and has blood on his hand, he sees Erzsebet in the mirror. Hellboy enters and banters, once the demon has left the room Broom realises that his hand is clean but he knows something is afoot.

The genius of this is that, after this and scattered through the remaining film, we move back in time in flashback, rounding out the story and discovering the motivation of the characters. This adds a depth of dimension to them which is fantastically detailed.

In the modern day the BPRD (Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense) agents are being sent on various missions. The final one is to a haunted house (the Hampton House) as a favour to billionaire Oliver Trombolt (J Grant Albrecht), a friend of a Senator. Knowing this is a publicity stunt they intend to only send new agent Sydney Leach (Rob Paulsen) but Broom intervenes and has Leach, himself, Hellboy, Abe and Liz Sherman (Selma Blair) all sent to the house, rather than their originally planned missions. Though he doesn’t share his reasons he carries garlic. Incidentally the comic I mentioned shows the mission Hellboy was meant to go on, which he does after the Hampton House

Investigation of the house shows it is teeming with ghosts, but they all seem to be female, of Eastern European origin and asking for help. Broom reveals that they are all victims of Erzsebet, and realises that someone is trying to bring her back via the artefacts from her castle that Trombolt has bought.

We get more background on Erzsebet. Whilst alive she was obsessed with beauty and killed some 613 maidens to bathe in their blood, but her atrocities only became worse after she died and was raised as a vampire. We discover that she was a priestess of the Goddess Hecate (Cree Summer).

Now, to a degree, this is where things do fall slightly flat. Erzsebet is indeed brought back but her return is for Broom to deal with. Thus something must be done by the filmmakers to distract Hellboy and that something is a fight against a manifestation of Hecate. This, in itself, is not a bad concept – it was Hecate observing him at the beginning – but there is no depth to it. I would say that, compared to the rich back story of the Erzsebet story it seems tagged on. However the bizarre part is the back story is the tagged on bit. This almost makes the film an accidental success.

Vampire lore is pretty standard. No reflection (the reflection at the beginning is part of a dream/vision remember), control of wolves, blood drinking, aversion to garlic, holy water and crosses (which are dependant on the bearer’s faith). They can be killed by stake or sunlight.

The voice acting works well, though perhaps the character Leach distracted from what is a fairly dark story as a newcomer and thus fairly wide eyed and innocent. The soundtrack is fitting to the piece. The actual animation works well, though I wouldn’t say it is the most attractive or stylistic I’ve ever come across.

I mentioned extras on the DVD and there are two that deserve highlighting. You can access Professor Broom’s story, which is the back story from the film but in correct chronological order. There is also an e-comic called Penanggalan. Whilst it is somewhat short, and without a huge amount of depth, its nice to see this rare Malaysian vampire being highlighted.

All in all an entertaining animated feature with good depth – albeit accidentally. 7 out of 10.


The imdb page is here.

The Silver Kiss – review

Author: Annette Curtis Klause

First Published: 1991

Contains spoilers

I picked this up in a publisher’s clearance store, very cheap, and expected that it would be a swift read – being a slim volume. What I didn’t expect was a book with deeply drawn characters that proved enthralling and poetically poignant.

Zoë is a young teen for whom life has become unbearably hard. Her mother is slowly slipping away due to cancer, her father seems distant, wrapped in his own grief, and her best friend, Lorraine, is being forced to move away with her father and step-mother.

Then she meets a teenage boy, Simon, and an odd bond forms; but Simon is no ordinary boy. Born in the seventeenth century, Simon was turned into a vampire by his older brother Christopher – himself trapped forever as a young child, and still carrying a child’s cruel nature. Having discovered that Christopher had murdered their mother Simon has hunted his young-looking sibling through the centuries.

The interplay between the world Zoë discovers in the night juxtaposes marvelously against the deep sadness she feels in her ordinary life. Of course, given the subject matter this is not, by any stretch, a happy book though the ending carries a message of strength through adversity.

One nice thing about the book is the lore. We have standard vampiric fare, vampires must be invited in, they burn in the sun, a stake kills them, the crucifix repels them, they can turn into mist or bat and they cannot cross running water. Yet some of the little explanations as to why this happens are marvelous.

For running water we are told: ‘“Water rejects the dead. A corpse floats to the surface no matter how long it takes.”…

‘“I am at odds with nature,” he continued, “And the natural world tries to remind me of this. The sun burns me; and when I cross running water, I can feel it trying to heave me off the face of the earth…’

When it comes to the stake through the heart we are told they must be: “Not just injured, impaled. It holds the unnatural body long enough for the soul to escape. The soul that’s been trapped and kept in torment. Then there can be true death.”

It would have been easy for Klause to concentrate on the tragedy, using the standard stereotypes and not bothered with such little explanations. These add so much to the book for the genre fan.

I expected a quick, easy read – I got an excellent tragedy of both very human and supernatural proportions. 7.5 out of 10.

Tales from the Crypt – The Reluctant Vampire – review – TV Episode

Director: Elliot Silverstein

First Aired: 1991

Contains spoilers

Previously we have looked at a Tales From the Crypt vampire movie, Bordello of Blood but this was an episode from the long running series, in fact from season 3.

Despite its short length, this is actually much more together than the later film – thanks to a more than competent cast. It is also very much played for laughs, something you can tell in the first scenes when an alarm clock rings and a hand creeps out of a coffin towards false teeth in a bowl.

The owner of said hand, when he emerges from his fold away coffin, is Donald Longtooth (Malcolm McDowell). Donald is, in vampiric terms, a bit of a failure – as he admits to Leopold, his rat. He hates to kill but has found the perfect job – he is the night watchman in a blood bank.

When he arrives at work the creepy manager (George Wendt) is giving worker Sally (Sandra Dickinson) a hard time about low blood stocks and inconsistent records. With a flash of bravery he tackles the Manager, when it becomes clear that there is an act of sexual harassment going on – but soon backs down.

There is an on-running gag of the attraction that Donald and Sally feel for each other and the embarrassing appearance of fangs each time they hug, causing Donald to act distantly from her.

When he is alone he raids the blood, making himself a nice cocktail,

with a twist of lime. He goes to change the records but the manager has taken them home. Desperate he goes hunting, not for himself but to replenish stocks. He cannot bring himself to attack a little old lady walking her dog but, when a mugger tries for her and is defeated by a swift knee in the groin, he manages to drain the mugger – into a water cooler bottle.

From this he replenishes the stock in the blood bank and all seems well, except for the fact that Sally hugs him when she arrives back at work causing that embarrassing tooth problem again.

The police have found a body drained of blood and Det. Robinson (Paul Gleason) is stumped. Suddenly vampire hunter Van Helsing (Michael Berryman) appears and tells him that they have a vampire problem. He persuades the detective to show him the body. There is a mark in the neck, proving his theory. Robinson points out there is only one mark, surely fangs would leave two punctures. Perhaps the vampire has tooth decay, Van Helsing retorts. Robinson then questions how one creature can drink nine pints, perhaps he is large replies Van Helsing. The dismissive detective suggests they are looking for a “300 lb refugee from Castle Dracula with bad teeth.”

However, low blood stocks generally have led the manager to decide that the blood bank will let staff go at the end of the month. It is time for Donald to save the blood bank and take out some criminals at the same time. Suddenly the cops have a real problem and turn back to Van Helsing…

This is a pleasant way to while away around 25 - 30 minutes. The whole cast do well and the fact that the tongue is placed firmly tongue in cheek really works well.

We get little snippets of lore. Donald is hundreds of years old, he has to sleep on Carpathian earth. We see him shot by holy water at one point and that causes plumes of smoke to escape his body. Van Helsing certainly believes that a stake through the heart will do the trick in a slaying way. As for the bite of a vampire, when Donald finally bites Sally she exclaims “This is so sexy.”

The story is flanked by scenes of the Crypt Keeper (voice, John Kassir) practising being a vampire, that allows for some obvious quips.

All in all, this is to be recommended. 7 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.