Friday, August 10, 2007

Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires – review


Directors: Mike Hegg & Joe Sherlock

Release Date: 2004

Contains spoilers

You know when a film is so bad it is good? Well this is one that should come under so bad it should have been good. In fairness it did raise the occasional snigger and I was left with the impression that those involved had a really good time making it but I am getting ahead of myself…

Felicia Pandolfi as CatherineThe film starts with a woman sat in what might be a bar but looks more like a living room. We later discover that she is head vampire Catherine (Felicia Pandolfi) and has a bad Lugosi-esque accent. We also see her human sidekick stood nearby named Lendel (Warren Blyth). Cut to a woman tied to a bed. Another woman enters and pulls the covering off her. She removes the tied up woman’s blindfold and there seems little fear. Bite.

Now here we have a little problem that niggled straight away. The sound of the bite sounded awfully like that of a bite of an apple and it was too loud in the mix – never mind.

A figure enters, brandishing a knife and stabs the vampire. The resultant scream has Lendel run to his mistress to get her out of the bar. It is clear that she treats him like dirt. The killer has obviously been tracking them.

Out on the road a truck stops for them and in it is Billy Joe Barney Bob (Robert J Olin) or BJ for short. Now the next scene made me snigger as BJ prattles on, much to Catherine’s disgust, for some considerable time – mainly extolling the virtues of, and his confusion around, the show BJ and the Bear. Eventually she grabs him by the throat and takes the truck. We see him stagger away.

part of the vampire plagueCatherine and Lendel find somewhere to hide and BJ gets home. In the morning his wife Darlene (Trish Brown) is giving him a hard time. She makes him breakfast but he wants his steak rare and then bites her. Catherine mentioned a scheme to deal with the vampire killer and, essentially, she has started a vampire plague ala Salem’s Lot.

the guysThe film then follows two threads, I’ll look at the vampire thread in a minute but the other concerns the Poissier (pronounced as in a toilet vulgarity) family. Ma Poissier (Carrie Davis) has won a free room redecoration by Jean-Claude Les Eaux (Scott Shanks). The film bases a lot of its comedy on him coming to terms with the son Lil’ Junior (Rob Merickel) and his buddy Cletus (Bill Bradford).

The town is getting ready for the annual tripe festival and Ma is looking to win the cook off and have her daughter Eva (Lindsey A Hope) win the Miss Tripe title.

murder in the barroomOn the vampire front, we see the vampirism spread through the town, staring with BJ and Darlene taking out a bar. We are in one bite and turn territory and it would seem that, given this, Catherine is to have her army for the showdown that takes place at the tripe festival itself.

steaming in the sunThere is a problem, however, the townsfolk are idiots and most manage to kill themselves. We get the guy going out to feed during the day. His victim asks if he has become a vampire and, when he nods in the affirmative, she reminds him he can’t be out during the day. He begins to smoke and then explodes.

death by sunbedWe get the priest who is a little confused that his crucifix burns when he takes it off as he gets in the bath. He gets in and, as the water feels good, he asks God to bless it – instant holy water. We also get the woman who, having made it until night, goes to the beauty parlour to use a tanning bed!

accidental stakingThere is also a set of stakings that owe much to the game mousetrap! However, I guess here I should mention the effects. Now most were done on the fly, I believe, and it is clear that there was precious little budget but they are bloomin’ awful as the screenshots can testify to.

Cletus as a vampireVampire lore is pretty standard and not worth going into and the majority of the humour is gutter level. Some works but not all, or even most – it could almost be a satire but I really don’t think it was. However as I said at the head it is clear that those involved had great fun making it – a pity that they probably had more fun than the viewer watching it.

All in all a poor movie but, to be fair, there are much worse ones out there. 1.5 out of 10 for the fact that I sniggered occasionally.

The imdb page is here.


Suzanne said...

The only redeeming part of this movie is watching how the the rednecks accidently kill themselves through stupidity - the tanning bed was priceless.

Taliesin_ttlg said...

Which, to be fair, were the parts I sniggered at and thus it got a score!