Monster Mash – review

Director: Jose Prendes

Release date: 2024

Contains spoilers

The Asylum is not known for quality productions but they have hit the formula of pumping the films out with a name attached – in the case Michael Madsen, who is playing Dr Frankenstein, who happens to be the bad guy in this film that literally is a monster mash. The Asylum’s effort is perhaps better than I hoped for, but my bar was pretty darn low. It has practical effects (mostly in makeup) that work better than I could have hoped for – though when they move to cgi it is dire.

Elisabeta enthroned

After a view of a castle, we see a woman with bite marks on her neck, sat against the leg of Elisabeta (Emma Reinagel) – Dracula’s Daughter. After playing with a music box, she tells the woman she can leave, who in turn wishes her mistress goodnight. Someone enters the room; Frankenstein’s Monster (Erik Celso Mann) who we later discover is called Boris. Elisabeta does not know who he is and says that he doesn’t belong there. They fight and he overpowers her and takes her to Frankenstein. In a cell, she warns that her father will come for her and Frankenstein is delighted, she is, after all, bait.

Ethan Daniel Corbett as Dracula

Dracula (Ethan Daniel Corbett) gets back to his castle and discovers the aftermath of the fight, including a bead from a bracelet that was broken, and is right royally pissed as we go into credits that, with the female crooned vocals, sound more like a Bond credit sequence than anything else. After the credits, Boris brings bread for Elisabeta, which she cannot eat of course, but she decides to try and befriend him. He is then sent on his next job, where he needs the repaired bracelet. The bracelet is an imitation of one that the Mummy, Ramsis (Adam Slemon, Bloodsucking Bastards), gave to his beloved and it lures him into the open in the catacombs he lives in. Boris fights with him and takes his heart, rendering the Mummy to dust.

the mummy and invisible man

Dracula questions the servant/meal, who suggests that his daughter had been consulting Mila Severine (Bix Krieger) a local witch. He goes to her and she recognises the bracelet stone and sends him to Ramsis, who he resurrects (using a mouse heart, some potion or other and his own blood, as Dracula’s blood is stronger than a curse). Frankenstein, we soon discover, is after monster parts – as well as the heart he wants Dracula’s blood, the skin of the invisible man (Gabriel Pranter) and the limbs of the wolfman (Ian Hummel) – and with them he will build an unstoppable monster and transfer his consciousness into it.

Ian Hummel is the Wolfman

So, we have a monster team up with all bar Frankenstein drawn as anti-heroes. The film hasn’t got the greatest narrative in moviedom, by a long shot, but it is surprisingly watchable for an Asylum production. The monsters are played straight but scratch the surface and the story has issues. For instance, why is it that Dracula knew the whereabouts of all the monsters but has never heard of Frankenstein and his monster? Also, we get the new idea that a werewolf, in human form, who has his limps chopped off immediately grows them back! This doesn’t rock the world but overcomes its pedigree to be at least watchable. 4 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Blu-Ray @ Amazon UK

Bloodline – review

Director: Rami Yasin

Release date: 2020

Contains spoilers

This Egyptian vampire film contains some conceits within it that do not bear too heavy a scrutiny, but it is a well shot exploration of how the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. It questions the lengths a parent will go to for their child and sits firmly in the child vampire sub-genre. The poster and in-film credits name the film Bloodline rather than separating the words out as per IMDb and Netflix.

Nilli Karim as Lamia

It starts with the film concentrating on needle point as a woman’s voice, identified as belonging to Lamia (Nilli Karim), repeats eighteen months, three weeks, two days…. This is how long her son Malik (Pieter Ramy) has been in a coma. She pricks her finger, causing it to bleed a drop of blood, but continues with her needlepoint. A car pulls up to their home in the night and her husband Nader (Dhafer L'Abidine) arrives home.

the package

On arrival he suggests he has *it* with him and, after looking in on Malik, who is hooked to medical apparatus with a tube down his throat, goes for a shower and we see him crying. Out of the shower Lamia asks to see *it* and he opens a refrigerated case that holds a vial of blood. He offers her the chance to change her mind and then says he will administer it in the morning – which is, he suggests, how it must be.

eating the cat

He awakens as the day begins to break and goes to Malik. He removes the tube and presses a button to cause metal shutters to close. Lamia awakens and goes to ask Nader what he did and he admits he has given Malik the blood – she is not happy he did it without her. Her other son, Adam (John Ramy), gets up and goes to school – it is suggested that he and Malik are twins. Soon she can hear a heartbeat in Malik’s chest and then he sits up and, whilst shaky, is soon walking. Nader makes her go find something for him to eat – she ends up with the neighbour’s cat.

fangs on show

From here we get a film where they are trying to cope and avoid suspicion from the neighbours (they are ignoring friends, preventing visits to read to Malik etc). Malik is not the son Lamia knew and he very soon turns Adam. It is also apparent to the viewer that Nader is a vampire also and that is quickly confirmed. The blood he brought in the case from Romania was fake – he had been turned and he fed Malik his own blood, hence not waking Lamia.

trying meat

The lore we get is that vampires can move super quick, are immensely strong, and must share their blood to turn someone. They burn in sunlight (so turning a child in order to save him, in Egypt seems to have been given minimal thought) and long exposure will kill them. They crave living blood (or warm blood). When Malik is given rabbit blood in a bowl, he dislikes it and then grabs a living rabbit and drains it. When Nader tries raw meat he can’t stomach it. That said we see a dinner with two eating from bowls and one drinking from the animal – presumably the blood in the bowls was just spilt. Nader tries to teach them to drink without killing, telling them to stop when the heartbeat speeds up.

Malik comatose

The issue I had was within some of the conceits. They knew they were trying to buy a vampire’s blood (no indication was made as to how they found this) but they did not prepare in advance, either through livestock to feed to him or in ensuring their social side had been taken care of. Burying the cat (and rabbits they buy) rather than just putting them in the trash (they do eat one rabbit) just screamed discovery. A neighbourhood dog barking at the house – they must have a cat, is mentioned – had little sense as the cat was dead and buried and used to hang around the neighbourhood anyway. There are many more little story foibles that do not add up.

twins

That said it was well shot and enjoyable enough, so long as you didn’t think too deeply on the foibles. Nilli Karim was engaging as mother and wife and though the kids seemed a little stiff in role, actually that worked with the sociopathic creatures they become. It is always good to see vampire films coming out of other countries and whilst they might have tied some more Arabic folklore in rather than taking the Western model, this was worth taking time out of the day for. Not the greatest vampire film but worth a quick watch. 5.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Honourable Mention: Monster Carnival: A Comics Anthology

An anthology graphic novel, with a wraparound of the contents being stories told by the monster carnival, this was first published in 2019. It contains several strips by different writers and the one in it that interests us is Noch Zverya both drawn and written by Maegan Cook.

It takes place at the Blood Moon Ball, thrown by Count Vassilkovich and he presents his new bride Anisya with a young man named Thomas, with whom she is to dance – and more than that, as at midnight she will feed from him, her first vampiric meal. Unfortunately, Thomas recognises her as they had been orphans together – though she was not blind then. She wants to warn Thomas, but midnight strikes and her compliance is expected, plus her feed will restore her sight.

It's a very short tale, no more than a fleeting visitation in the volume hence the honourable mention, and, if I’m honest, I didn’t care for the artwork – it just wasn’t a style I responded to. The story comes across as more a character backstory for a wider piece, as this is told from her point of view centuries later, and in that sense it works. It is, however, the sole vampire story in the set. I do have to say my favourite story in the collection was Brandon Whipple’s A Midsummer Tale, which was a refreshingly new take on werewolves with marvellous art.

In Paperback @ Amazon US

In Paperback @ Amazon UK

Short Film: Aurora

This 2024 short film comes in at 13-minutes and was directed by Rita Osei.

It starts with a back view of Aurora (Djinda Kane), stood on a bridge. The scene cuts to a woman (Melanie Gray) having an emotional response outdoors, sat on the floor. A couple of men watch her, but don’t help. Aurora is passing by and sees it. She goes to help but becomes distressed herself, she starts saying, not in English, that the woman needs help and then that she is just like Aurora.

She switches from helping to having what looks like an anxiety attack when her daughter, Sofia (Ella-Rae Smith), comes along. Aurora ends up biting her own wrist and drinking the blood. This seems to calm her. We see her awaken next to a man, possibly dead, with a bite on his neck and blood at her mouth. She goes to the toilet and vomits. But this is the start of a journey, one that Sofia is struggling to understand…

auto-vampirism

The film sees Aurora in various states, upset, confused and even elated. We see an attack on another man during the running time to highlight the vampirism but, clearly, the film is trying to capture the impact of perimenopause – on her and on Sofia, as a caring observer trying to understand. This isn’t interpretive on the viewers part, Sofia googles perimenopause at one point. The use of vampirism I guess likens the beginning of this hormonal change to Othering the woman from a societal point of view.

The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK

Vampire's House of Cain – review

Director: Greg Galloway

Release date: 2024

Contains spoilers

I don’t actually know if it was budget or script that defeated this film, but defeated it was. The story was fairly simple but managed to muddle itself and that seemed to be through narrative leaps that sort of didn’t make sense.

The film starts at a party in a club – we later discover it is a place called Bliss. In the club women watch men dance and strip. Those men happen to have fangs… Early morning and two women are jogging. One drops back but when she reaches her friend again, the friend is in shock. Looking to where her friend stares she sees a body that appears to be self-immolating.

at the crime scene

Obviously the police arrive, including Detective Mani Reed (Erica Hubbard), and we discover that this is one of several murders where the bodies have been drained and burned (of course we realise that they are victims who turn and die in the sun). Reed questions one of the joggers who, it turns out, vaguely knew the latest victim – she can’t tell her much, only that she liked late night spots.

in the club

Talking with her Captain (Terrence 'T.C.' Carson) she suggests that she has made a connection between victims – all of them had attended a club called the Mist Lounge. The Captain seems concerned around her wellbeing and she does fall asleep outside the club in her car. However, woken, she heads in, flashing her badge and speaks to the barman and is directed to co-owner Hanson (Karon Riley). He speaks to her but is pretty evasive. After she leaves, he calls a meeting.

Diana Lovell as the Matriarch

The meeting is with the matriarch (Diana Lovell) of their vampire clan and she is shocked that there have been obvious vampire attacks. Their way is not to kill and they use a synthetic blood mostly. It doesn’t take too long to hear about the new vampire clan – the House of Cain – operating out of Bliss and soon the two clans are at loggerheads. As for Reed we get a clumsy exposition about her having relationship issues but then she is bitten by one of the House of Cain and saved by Hanson (we discover that vampire bites are pleasurable). He wipes her mind, but it doesn’t work too well (putting her on a hit list but also having her dropped off the case, and forced onto administrative leave as she keeps going vague) and they fall for each other. Eventually the tension between the Houses will lead to a showdown.

fight

So I mentioned narrative leaps and this took the form of things that made little sense, for instance she has her mind wiped and yet sees a conflict between Hanson and one of the House of Cain in a dream, that she wasn’t privy too and the viewer didn’t see outside of the dream-sequence. There might have been an attempt to suggest she and Hanson were psychically linked but, if that was the case, it failed to communicate it well and the filmmakers did practically nothing with it. Worse, it more felt that a chunk of narrative was missing and I got that feeling a couple of times.

dying

As well as being able to wipe minds the vampires become more powerful as they age (the House of Cain kills Hanson’s ‘brother’ by ganging up on him and wearing him down). If you kill a vampire, then all those it created die also. Death sees them breaking down to nothing (unless they are burning to a crisp, of course, as they need to be found by random joggers as a plot point). Some of the performances do feel phoned in but other actors do what they can with a very thin plot. The film is quite short and could have done with the missing narrative and more character building. One wonders whether an apparently low budget caused the narrative woes. Within this there was a decent, if simple, tale waiting to get out and so I think 4 out of 10 is fair.

The imdb page is here.

The Hungry Snake Woman – review

Director: Sisworo Gautama Putra

Release date: 1986

Contains spoilers

An Indonesian moment of madness from the mid-eighties, my thanks to Leila who sent me the disc of this. It stars Suzzanna (Sundelbolong) as the titular Snake Woman (referred to as a Snake Goddess) as well as a second role in the film. The Snake Woman was a reprised role from two previous films. The print on the disc was a VHS rip with English dub, I understand a Blu-Ray is available.

The film starts with women running through the jungle and a man, Joe (George Rudy), chasing them, telling them to come to him and firing a gun. He meets a uniformed woman and tells her to help Donny (Dorman Borisman) as he goes after them. They run through a river into a rocky area and into a cave, He follows and the women, once he is inside, vanish into thin air. An earth tremor opens a passageway and light shines in it. The Snake Goddess floats on a throne to him, asks why he follows her escort, whilst he asks why she looks like Suzy (also Suzzanna). She melts, becoming a snake as the credit roles.

domestic violence

So these three would seem to be characters from later (Suzy, Joe and Donny) but the context is all wrong – but hey, that’s madcap Indonesian cinema for you. So, anyway, after the credits we meet Brian (Advent Bangun) and his (very soon to be ex-)girlfriend Carlita (Nina Anwar). He is misogynistic and violent, physically abusing her, stabbing her through the hand with a screwdriver when she fights back and attempting to rape her (by the dialogue, their relationship had not been physical). She gets away and cries for help, drawing the police who chase Brian off.

Brian and the Snake Goddess

Brian walks into the jungle and comes across a half snake/half woman and her cave dwelling husband, who tell him that he can find riches and status through the Snake Goddess and she belts him with her tail, through the air and into a river. The escorts find him, taking him to the Goddess’ cave. He tries taking pieces of gold trees but, when separated, the bits become scorpions and spiders. The Snake Goddess appears and says she can give him the riches he desires for a price – over a week he must find three women, drink their blood and eat their breasts as a sacrifice to her.

dracula on the loose

We see him attack the first – a woman whose lover has nipped off for a pee. Brian has fangs (and a cape) and drinks her blood and eats her breasts as required. The next day the newspapers have an article about a dracula murdering women (an example of using dracula as a common noun). Brian’s second attack is on Suzy, and she luckily escapes. We then see a businessman who has failed to sacrifice his daughter as required by the Snake Goddess – who states that she needs the sacrifices to provide her souls as sustenance, keeping her young and immortal. So, she is also a type of vampire.

Brian with fangs

Anyway, Brian betrays her, becomes rich and the film sees him obsessing over Carlita (whose family denies him despite his new riches), she happens to know Suzy, Joe and Donny and they are drawn in – especially as Joe accidentally rescues the betrayed Goddess, who wants Brian to pay. It is all a big mismatch of ideas with the clip-clop (literally) of flying horses drawing her chariot, magically induced erotic dance, as well as other black magic moments, and an attempted burning of Carlita just because.

a victim

Now, it isn’t brilliant but it is so mad it will keep your attention. The dub is as you’d expect but the natural charm and madcap nature may well be enhanced with a better print and original language. Don’t get me wrong, it is unlikely to ever be viewed as a masterpiece but the sheer weight of ideas makes it worth your time. 3.5 out of 10 is fair but the madness is greater than the sum of its parts.

The imdb page is here.

Short Film: Heist Night

Coming in at around 8-minutes and directed by Angel Alvarez, this 2022 short is simple in plot but does set itself as a prequel to something else.

It starts with a “crew” scoping the home of George Crossley (Angel Alvarez). One of the crew, Mike (Alex Javo), questions why they are there and leader Kevin (Camren Cooley) mentions that Crossley is known to have £5 million in bearer bonds stashed and there is talk of a notebook with the passcode in it. The third crew member, Sam (Curtis J. Goode) is certainly impressed.

the crew

They return at night and move behind the house. Sam breaks the door open, cutting his arm as he does so. Now, of course, a freshly opened wound is always a useful plot device in a vampire film… not so much in a heist movie where Sam would clearly be leaving DNA everywhere and they make no move to bind the wound. They simply go upstairs to look for the notepad.

revealing an inner nature

Unbeknown to them there are people in the house, and they come across Mina (Celeste Blandon) first. Chasing her, they end up in a room with Lucy (Hannah Malone) also. Sam holds Mina with his injured arm round her neck (and her looking a tad interested in it) and demanding the whereabouts of the notebook from Lucy. When she doesn’t answer they get a bit shooty – but could there be more to these girls than meets the eyes? Well, I’m featuring it here so, yeah…

The imdb page is here.