The Death of Alice Blue – review

Director: Park Bench

Release date: 2009

Contains spoilers

In 1764, Voltaire wrote in his Dictionaire Philosophique that: “These vampires were corpses, who went out of their graves at night to suck the blood of the living, either at their throats or stomachs, after which they returned to their cemeteries. The persons so sucked waned, grew pale, and fell into consumption; while the sucking corpses grew fat, got rosy, and enjoyed an excellent appetite. It was in Poland, Hungary, Silesia, Moravia, Austria, and Lorraine, that the dead made this good cheer.

“We never heard a word of vampires in London, nor even at Paris. I confess that in both these cities there were stock-jobbers, brokers, and men of business, who sucked the blood of the people in broad daylight; but they were not dead, though corrupted. These true suckers lived not in cemeteries, but in very agreeable palaces.”

This distinction between the walking dead and the very real corporate vampires we still suffer from today, and their similarities, has been explored before; the surreal Hanno Cambiato Faccia being a primary example. In 2009 Park Bench journeyed this terrain again via the pimp of capitalism – the Advertising Agency – and left us with a wonderfully stylistic exploration of the vampire.

The film starts with a decayed, possibly abandoned, office space. Footsteps of a woman (who remains hidden beneath a coat and scarf) and then a man echo the corridors. When he offers papers and says that she has forgotten them we realise the office is not abandoned; as her handbag swings out, cracking his skull, and then she grabs him and bites. This is the Raven Advertising Agency and after the credits we meet Alice Blue (Alex Appel), the newest creative and the Monday is her second day at work. Let us talk about the look, it is marvellous. The office looks like Health and Safety should condemn it, it certainly is the opposite one would expect of a slick advertising agency and, all in all, it gives this modern tale a wonderfully Gothic look that reminds one of much older horror flicks.

Alice faces all sorts of trials at work. Clearly her immediate manager, Stephen (Kristen Holden-Ried), has hopes for her but she is belittled by the high-flying creatives Sharon (Megan Fahlenbock) and Karen (Veronica Hurnick) who have the grace and favour of company owner Sherry (Barbara Radecki). Many of her co-workers seem zombiefied in a company that lays works off by tannoy announcement. The product of choice is nether wines (and Alice has an advertising idea about nether regions).

As well as this there is Peter Green (Park Bench) the copy-room guy who is a conspiracy investigator. He tells Alice about some of the cabals (the fourth is comprised of lizards). He runs a resistance of sorts against the company, ably assisted by Rose (Laura Thorne). Also hanging around is Detective McGregor (Conrad Coates, The Dresden Files) who is investigating ‘Friday’s tragedy’, though his presence is ominous rather than reassuring.

Alice’s home life seems repressing, with her excruciatingly patronising mother, Mary (a marvelous performance by Carolyn Dunn). Her father, William, is absent though Mary admits, grudgingly, that he has sent Alice a present – the Monday is her 21st birthday. The following day Alice seems awfully thirsty and perhaps it has something to do with the nether wine she sampled the day before…

Here is the ‘issue’ with the film. As things begin we know little but that is okay because neither does Alice. Indeed we are in a stronger position, knowledge wise, because we know this is a vampire movie and devices such as Alice becoming unnaturally thirsty are familiar genre tropes. However, as we discover that Mary is Sherry’s sister we start to realise that there is something deeper here. Yet the film, as Alice instinctively discovers the truth about herself, reveals little to the audience.

We meet a vampire, Julian (Gordon Currie, Forever Knight and Blood & Donuts) who is a member of another arm of vampire society but he reveals little to Alice and thus little to us. Much of what we gather we gain from observing Alice but that tells us little about her father and about the story.

The film is fully titled the Death of Alice Blue – Part 1 the Bloodsucking Vampires of Advertising, and very much we feel that we have walked in part way into a story and the film ends with much more to tell us. However, it also feels deliberate. This is not poor exposition but a deliberate withholding of salient facts and backgrounds. This is why I placed the word ‘issue’ in quotation marks. There is a frustration attached to the minimal exposition but it is done so purposefully it is really part of the film. Some will hate it for that, it has to be said. I also need to mention that the film’s homepage actually offers exposition that perhaps the movie refuses.

Lore wise we discover that vampires have psychic powers, that they can be staked and the sun will immolate them eventually. We discover that something went wrong in vampire society and that Alice was her father’s grand experiment to put things right (from the vampire’s point of view). Her powers are much more marked than many because of this. We discover that at least one of the vampires had been a Nazi and that Sherry’s interpretation of William’s work was, perhaps, not what he would have wanted.

The acting is superb throughout – just the right side of quirky and this fits very much with the edge of satirical black humour that cuts through the film. The comedy was much more a knowing humour than a product full of belly laughs and it suited the film. I must mention Alex Appel who somehow managed to bestow a mixture of ungainly awkwardness with flowing grace upon her character. The film has a graphic novel edge to it, with a Lynch-like surrealist tone.

7.5 out of 10 seems a fair score but somehow I feel that if a little more of the veil had been lifted we would have been dealing with one of the best of the genre. Hopefully Park Bench will get the opportunity to make part 2 and within that we will see the full range of his vision and story.

The imdb page is here.

Eulogy for a Vampire – review

Director: Patrick McGuinn

Release date: 2009

Contains spoilers

US film Eulogy for a Vampire is currently available on DVD from France under the title Mon Vampire. The film itself is, beyond anything else, a psycho-sexual drama and we can trace its roots to films such as the Blood Spattered Bride, though in this case the sexual theme is a gay theme.

Unfortunately it doesn’t reach to the same heights that the Blood Spattered Bride reached, as a piece of cinema. This is down to it being partly too obvious and in other parts being too story-obscure. We will explore that as we explore the film.

The film begins with a view of a priest, Father Anthony (Wilson Hand) and the pre-credit film is an exploration of what occurred when he was a young man (played by Sal Bardo) at the monastery run by the Order of Pathicus. This is where we begin to be too obvious. The order (then, it seems, and 25 years later when Anthony helps run the Monastery) attracts men who cannot control their urges nor stick to their vows of celibacy. Not to be unexpected when you name your religous order (Pathicus) using what I understand is the Latin for the passive partner in gay anal sex.

One man who seems to be pious and controlled is Florian (Ryan G Metzger). Then again he has been refused ritual fasting and has taken to wearing a cilice. Anthony is in love with Florian but Florian declares such love wrong and Anthony’s cross to bear. Anthony states that if he cannot have Florian then no-one, not even God, can. He kisses the young man as he stabs him in the stomach. We should also note, round this point, the use of a very grainy effect on the film that most probably covers up any filmic sins.

I mentioned that the film is often too story-obscure. Before Anthony kills Florian we see a sacrifice of a goat and then many young men rubbing blood onto Anthony’s chest. The film later shows us a pendant with a symbol I supposed to be occult and what appeared to be a grimoire with the same symbol – that Anthony recognises. What is this occult path the young novice tread? The film doesn’t actually explain and yet it would seem to be a vitally important piece of the puzzle.

Post-credit the film skips 25 years forward. Anthony and Father Lars (David McWeeney) run the monastery now. Their novices are the onanistic Matthew (Darin Guerrasio), Rafael (Damacio Ruiz) a young novice who doubts his faith and place at the monastery and who is having a physical relationship with Eric (Craig Philip Lumsden) and, finally, the rather camp Stefano (Nate Steinwachs) who is sick of hearing Rafael and Eric at it and so blackmails Rafael for a bit of sex as well. There is an eviscerated animal on the lawn (probably a goat), that Anthony puts down to nearby schools, though they seem fairly isolated. Their connection with the outside world is McGee (Shawn Hollenbach) and he is wearing a pendant left at his store by a hitchhiker (the occult symbol I mentioned).

Eric starts hearing strange noises from the basement – which has not been unlocked for twenty five years. In the basement is a trunk that glows. Rafael speaks to Eric about Stefano’s blackmail demands but – before he can pay up, as it where – they hear howling noises from outside. They find a man, Sebastian (Angelo Tursi), passed out on the lawn. Stefano becomes obsessed with the man – dreaming as he watches over him and, in his dreams cuts his arm. When he wakes the cut is there in reality. Sebastian has the grimoire and Anthony recognises the symbol.

From here-on-in things get less clear rather than more. Stefano is obsessed with Sebastian (and later we see Lars sniffing Sebastian's underwear) but the drifter seems more interested in Rafael. We also start to see Florian reappearing and preying upon Matthew, taking blood from him and eventually vampirising him. It may well be that Florian and Sebastian are one and the same but the film isn’t clear on that point.

Later Anthony declares that they, the ones turned, are Nosferatu and chases at least one away by crucifix. When we see a full on vampiric attack it is nicely brutal rather than erotic in anyway. There isn’t really that much else lore wise. It may well be that there was an occult rite involved – we do see a flashback of Anthony asking for help and it seems to be a devilish silhouette.

However the main theme of the film seems to be the danger of denial of ones more basic urges. Yet there is a moment when Florian is almost likened to Christ because we see him walking on water and he was absolutely pious and celibate. So the "danger of denial" theme, at that point becomes confused. I did like the piano music that was used as the sombre soundtrack, feeling it added an atmosphere.

Unfortunately the film needed a clear direction and it does wander aimlessly. The performances of the actors are not perfect, rather stagey at times. If we take Nate Steinwachs’ performance as an example he has a rather expressive face and that needed holding more in check, as it was his performance came across as a parody more than drama and that was a shame given that the film was played entirely straight (as it were). The pace of the film was also languid. Now, I rather like a slower pace, on occasion, but for many this will be off-putting.

This film will find a cult following, I am sure, but for me it needed to be more explicit in its storytelling to underscore where the drama was to go. 4 out of 10. The imdb page is here.

Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls – review

Directors: Mark Burchett & Michael D Fox

Release date: 1995

Contains spoilers

Remember Twilight Vamps and the back cover blurb? As a reminder it posed the question “Who doesn’t like a good vampire Nudie Bar movie?” and it has, for some time, been a favoured location for certain vampire movies… more often than not the low budget vampire movie. It, of course, has the advantage that nudity is a requirement but the question, as posed, is loaded… you see it does say “good”, and invariably these films are not good vampire movies (or good movies full stop).

Vamps is no exception, it is poor (I’ll say that at the outset). Shot on video and obviously costing little or no budget. Nevertheless it did have some good ideas buried within it, it also tried to build character (possibly a little too much given the nature of the film but not enough to be satisfying). It begins, at the Vamps strip club, with the MC Max (Charles Cooper) announcing the Queen of the Night Tasha (Jenny Wallace). The intro seemed a little From Dusk Till Dawn, except that FDtD was a year after this (and a considerably better movie, being an example of a good vampire nudie bar flick).

In the audience is a redneck hick, who heckles Tasha and then gets fresh with another dancer, Tabitha (Stacey Sparks, Abe’s Tomb). When she slaps him he chases backstage after her and calls her a bitch. He is intercepted by Randi (Amber Newman, Vampyre Tales) who lifts him up by the throat. After she de-pants him (and we get the awful dialogue regarding being sucked and sucking him dry) she bonks him and then eats him. Tasha tells her off as she wasn’t given permission to have a lunch break.

We see a vampire movie on TV and later we discover it is called Vampire Busters and the King of the Undead. It is actually an interesting idea, make a movie within a movie that is so bad it makes your real movie look good. Anyway, watching this atrocity about Count Hackula (Steve Gatch) is Father Seamus McConnel (Paul Morris). His room has vampire movie posters and the hostess of the movie, Vanna the Vampire (Karen Stolle), makes comment about a naughty fan sending her a crucifix. The phone goes and it is his friend Larry (Rob Calvert) who knows that he is watching the show and also plans on taking Seamus out the next night for his birthday.

Heather (Jennifer Huss) turns up at Vamps looking for a dancing job. She has just got out of an abusive relationship with Keith (Sean Nielsen) but has flunked out of college and wants to make enough money to get out of town. Tasha (who owns Vamps) interviews her and then has her dance. She is very stiff but, when Tasha dances with her, she loosens up and is a natural. She gets the job. Now, unlike other such films only the three women, Tasha, Tabitha and Randi, are vampires. The other dancers are human and unaware of their colleagues natures (though they think them a bit weird). Tasha is interested in Heather, but not as dinner, she thinks the girl will make an excellent new vampire.

Larry has taken Seamus to Vamps and, whilst dressed in civvies, the priest is clearly uncomfortable (Randi suspects him to be gay). When Heather goes past they recognise each other. They went to the same High School and, whilst in different years, they performed in A Streetcar Named Desire together. They get talking and when Tasha intervenes she shows a dislike when she hears that he is a priest – though she quickly apologises and even (unsuccessfully) tries to seduce him. Heather arranges to have breakfast with the two friends, but Larry bails and, when she cannot get into the room she is crashing at, Seamus puts her up for the night.

The film then spends some time building the relationship Heather shares with the (at that point unrevealed to her) vampires and her relationship with Seamus. It was a good idea but didn’t do it as well as it could of, which is a shame. Seamus and Heather clearly fall in love but, of course, he is celibate. Will he reject her and will that rejection push her to the vampires? Will he be able to save her?

I said that this had some good ideas and it did. Seamus is a horror movie buff and has bought some props, including a cross from one vampire movie (to his chagrin, later, he discovers that crosses do not ward vampires and holy water just makes them wet). He also bought a sharpened plunger from another movie – and that was obviously going to be used and thus we have death by plunger.

Vampires dream, we discover, and it is in a dream that we see how Tasha came to be a vampire – turned by the Vampire Queen (Lorissa McComas). We also discover that Tabitha has problems with being a vampire – not only the idea that she will outlive all those she knew but also that she dislikes blood and doesn’t like to bite humans. This was not exploited in any meaningful way, unfortunately.

Interestingly, if a victim is drained they die. If they are fed upon but not drained the vampire saliva mixes with the blood and turns them… ish. They are not a full vampire and must feed within 12 hours to turn or they will die. This also means that a victim clearly bitten and left till later was half vampire before they killed him. A vampire draining another vampire will kill that vampire. We also hear that some vampires become filled with bloodlust, are addicted to blood, and burn out within 100 years – that seemed odd and needed further explanation.

So the film had some interesting ideas and dynamics which it singularly failed to exploit. Unfortunately the film looked cheap and the acting wasn’t brilliant. 3 out of 10. The imdb page is here.

Beast of Morocco – review

Director: Frederick Goode

First released: 1968

Contains spoilers

Also known as The Hand of Night, this is a strange little beast that could have been much better than it was. That said, it managed to achieve some of its aims – one feels – but let itself down ultimately.

I should mention, before we get to the film itself, the opening credits. As well as being filled with skeletons and smoke, the astoundingly crap bat (pierced through the heart with a skeletal finger) is worth mentioning for it was, indeed, incredibly crap.

The film begins with a cemetery in thick fog. A man, Paul Carver (William Sylvester), moves through the fog. He comes to a funeral procession led by a man (Edward Underdown) that consists of three coffins (one clearly a child’s). He chases after them and enters a crypt where there is also a bearded Arab (William Dexter). He sees himself as a groom, with a bride (Avril Sadler). A coffin opens and she is in it. He sees lights and is in a car, out of control, he tells the others to jump.

Carver is on a plane to Morocco. The passenger next to him, Gunther – who was the undertaker in his dream – slaps him to wake him, whilst a stewardess (Angela Lovell) looks on in concern. Given him talking and mentioning jumping they think it is a flight anxiety dream. Gunther starts talking to him and Carver mentions that he saw Gunther and the Arab in the tomb in his dream. Gunther invites him to his home and, as they leave the airport, gives him his card. As a pretty blonde woman, Chantal (Diane Clare), meets Gunther, Carver wanders off.

He gets a cab to a Dr Miklos Czerny’s residence and rings the doorbell. A maid appears and tells Carver that Czerny died the day before. We next see Carver drunk in a bar. He tells the barman that he is a harbinger of death and then finds Gunther’s card in his wallet. Asking where the house is he is told that it is in the old quarter, not a place to go at night, but Carver is convinced no harm can befall him. He is followed by an Arab, Omar (Terence de Marney). When bats fly at Carver, causing him to fall, the Arab laughs at him and suggests that creatures of the light and dark are different and he must chose a side – the Arab then vanishes.

Carver reaches Gunther’s home and, as he waits in the hallway and we notice that a party is taking place, he looks at some artifacts on display. Amongst them is a ring. He is holding it as a Moroccan woman (Aliza Gur) comes down stars and absently slips it on his finger. He notices that she has no reflection in the hall mirror, though in his drunken state the meaning of this doesn’t click. Gunther greats him, he is an archaeologist and he and his partner, Leclerc, have just discovered a new tomb – Leclerc is the arab from Carver’s dream and Gunther believes Carter has second sight.

He is left to speak to Chantal, and mentions that his wife and children are dead. She bluntly asks if he killed them. Certainly he was driving the car when they had their accident and clearly he doesn’t believe he should have survived. Czerny was meant to help him – how, we never discover. He starts seeing the Moroccan woman, and her appearances seem tied to visions. Eventually he follows after her and ends up in an opulent palace with her. He discovers she is called Marisa, Omar is clearly her servant but the ring Carver accidentally took causes her pain. He passes out and wakes in the desert, where Gunther and a disbelieving Chantal find him.

It is actually Gunther who suggests that Marisa is a vampire, a servant of the night who strikes fear into men (rather than sucks their blood). Leclerc discovers that the tomb they have discovered is of a Princess called Marisa, who swore vengeance on mankind after she was buried alive in her tomb for infidelity. As the film develops Chantal clearly becomes a representation of the light and life and Marisa a representation of darkness and death. The film is an exploration of Carver’s delicate mental state, grieving and despairing that he lived whilst his family died.

Despite this (or maybe because of it, as they are real to him and, it seems, to those caught up in his trauma) the vampires do have rules. The ring was a talisman used to reflect light and thus ward evil spirits. Sunlight destroys the vampires, causing them to desiccate and become skeletons and a stake through the heart works well also.

As a psychological exploration the film is fascinating but struggles as Sylvester doesn’t seem a strong enough actor to carry that character exploration forward. This is the biggest shame of the film and that is not to say that Sylvester was not a solid actor, but solid is all he was. The effects also let this down. As fascinating as the dream sequence was, it all felt a little cheap (especially the skeletons) and as for the bats… awful.

It is a shame as this could have been something special, it tracks a course that would be, at least a little, similar to that explored in Blood Suckers and does a much better job of it. Yet it could have raised itself to so much more. 5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Classic Literature: Knightshade

The third of Paul Féval’s vampire related novels that we have looked at (though in truth this one is more a novella) was published in book form in 1875, though serialised in 1860, which means it actually falls between the vampire Countess and Vampire City chronologically.

Actually the book had less of a fixation on vampirism but did have some interesting ideas within it and, like Vampire Countess, actually left a question mark as to whether our vampires were indeed vampires.

The book concerns itself with the Ténèbre Brothers. One is large, Jean Ténèbre the chevalier, and the other smaller, Ange Ténèbre the priest, and both lust for gold, thus they are audacious thieves. Perhaps then they are only mortal thieves who have drawn a legend around themselves?

Féval says that whilst Ange is a vampire, Jean is an oupire. He even draws a distinction between the two names claiming an oupire “an eater of human flesh,” whilst a vampire is “a drinker of human blood.”

Within the story the existence of two graves on the Hungarian planes, each covered by a black slab bearing French inscriptions claiming the occupants (albeit often absent) as the Ténèbre brothers, is deemed to be accurate. Féval, as he did in Vampire Countess, has it that a red hot iron to the heart is the way to dispose of a vampire.

Perhaps the two hiding in the graves, when the father of one of their victims looked beneath the slabs, really were two common criminals known to the police (and one of whom had been transported previously to Botany Bay). All we know for certain is that he did not have the courage to pierce their hearts with hot iron and thus their fate was more grizzly. Sealed beneath the slabs he piled the graves with wood and set the pyre alight, roasting the two villains. Yet it seems a year later the Ténèbre brothers were out and about and up to their old tricks, at least according to a newspaper report from the Hague.

To my way of thinking this was the weakest of the three books, but again it was interesting to have pre-Stoker vampires tied to Hungary (although of French nationality) and mention of John Hyundai’s reign within the text. The distinction between vampire and oupire was fascinating also as it is out with conventional wisdom. In his essay Count Dracula and the Folkloric Vampire: Thirteen Comparisons (available at Blooferland), Patrick Johnson quotes Dom Augustine Calmet’s 1746 text as suggesting that “The public memorials of the years 1693 and 1694 speak of oupires ... which are seen in Poland, and above all in Russia. They make their appearance from noon to midnight, and come and suck the blood of living men or animals.”

Like the other two Féval books this is available, adapted by Brian Stableford.

Guest Review: The Tale of the Midnight Madness

I’m pleased to welcome Ross Tipograph to the blog, who has reviewed the “Are you Afraid of the Dark” episode “the Tale of Midnight Madness” for us.

Ross is a film buff and Emerson College screenwriting major who writes about Halloween costumes over at Star Costumes. He can be reached at: ross (dot) tipograph (at) gmail (dot) com

Are You Afraid of the Dark? – The Tale of the Midnight Madness – review (TV Episode)

Directed by: DJ MacHale

First Aired: 1993

Contains spoilers

“Are you Afraid of the Dark?” was a Canadian kids TV production where a group of kids, the Midnight Society, would gather in the woods to tell scary stories. The story would be the meat of the episode. The first run of the series was 5 seasons long and ran from 1990 to 1996, a new set of Midnight Society members were seen between 1999 and 2000. This was from season 2 of the first run.

After the routine Midnight Society campfire discussion of the story to come, the episode begins on an image of a classic but run-down movie theater: the Rialto. The majority of the story takes place in and around this theater. It’s a great atmosphere for this vampire-movie-oriented episode. Inside the movie house, a classic black and white movie has just finished. The lone audience member, an elderly woman, applauds. Leaving the theater, she passes Pete (Eddie Robinson), an usher. “Enjoy the movie, ma’am?” he asks. She scoffs and leaves the theater.

Pete is joined by Katie (Melanie Wiesenthal), his plucky co-worker, and the only other usher employed. She’s depressed because of their lack of customers and/or good movies to show, but Pete is more positive. They play these roles out through the episode, two stereotypical but entertaining characters. Keep in mind, this is a children’s show. Their manager is Mr. Kristoph (Harry Standjofski), the generic greasy Italian boss guy, who shares Katie’s grumpiness about their depressing jobs.

Pete learns that if they continue to lose profits, the Rialto will be shut down in favor of a bigger, tackier multiplex. One montage later – Pete campaigning outside with publicity for the Rialto – he’s back in the theater with Katie, customers still lacking. Just when all hope seems lost, in walks Dr. Vink (Aron Tager), a madcap recurring character in the series; he always plays some sort of villain or catalyst in the plot. In this episode, he’s a filmmaker with a very special film that he claims with save the Rialto, if they give him one night each week to show his movie. Mr. Kristoph accepts his offer, Dr. Vink hands over the film reel, and Vink disappears.

Eventually, the movie is shown to the public. The movie turns out to be “NOSFERATU”, the silent vampire classic from 1922. It’s a hit! The first crowd leaves happy, claiming they’re going to come back; they’ve never seen anything so scary! Meanwhile, in the projection booth, the now-used film reel glows eerily… Crowds flock to the theater to see the film, with Pete and Katie watching from the back. Business is booming.

Vink returns to see how things are going. Mr. Kristoph tries to grease a new deal out of the overzealous Vink, and he’s crossed the line. Vink gets upset and leaves in a huff, ominously claiming “This story is far from over!” One night, Pete sits alone in the audience, watching “Nosferatu.” He starts falling asleep – Nosferatu walks out of the screen – and Pete wakes up. He tells Katie about what he thinks was a dream, and they hear Mr. Kristoph scream. They run to him. Kristoph is unconscious in his chair, neck bitten. The terror has begun.

Katie and Pete run out of Kristoph’s office, directly into Nosferatu himself (played here by Christopher Heyerdahl). If you ask me, this sequence is very non-child-friendly; the extensive make-up and prosthetics on this creature are blood-curdling. Kudos to the make-up and prop crew.

After some chase scenes, Katie and Pete reach the screening room. They turn on the projector and start the movie. Pete, having seen the creature exit the screen once before, enters the movie himself. He stands inside the image on the screen in black and white, a quite genius creative decision. Nosferatu enters the movie, lurking close. Pete’s a movie buff, however, and “knows how this ends” – he pulls open a curtain, daylight causes Nosferatu to melt and perish, and Pete exits the screen. Vink appears, delighted. He’s purchased the theater, and he can now wreak havoc every night of the week!

Though the ending may seem rushed and quick, it’s quite terrifying. Many fans of the series have said that this episode is one of the classics (out of almost one hundreds episodes total), always for reasons involving the creature. The acting by the two teenage leads is definitely sub-par, but the direction was creepy, and the atmosphere and story were cheesy fun. This episode owes its impact to the original vampire, Max Schreck, from the golden age of cinema. Schlocky fun. 7 out of 10.

The episode's imdb page is here.

Vampire Super – review

Director: Ricky Lau

Release date: 2007

Contains spoilers

When I sat down to watch this I hadn’t realised that the director was Ricky Lau, the man who brought us the sublime Mr Vampire. However, once the film started the entire look and feel of the film screamed Lau. This was a comeback film, from what I can gather, though at the time the review was written it did not feature on imdb.

It begins in a graveyard. A girl, Lei (Candice Chan), makes an offering before a grave. Elsewhere in the graveyard a Japanese man, Mr Redmonkey, is digging up grave goods – one suspects illegally. A group of men carry a litter containing Mayor Feng and he gives the advice never to look back in a graveyard. Up ahead a kyonsi appears and the men drop the litter and run.

The kyonsi chases after Feng and attacks him. The next we see him he falls at the grave with Lei and she realises he is poisoned. She starts sucking the poison from his neck wound. The town guards run into the graveyard and see the girl at the mayor’s neck. She is arrested and he dies. The captain, Gui-Zhong Wang (Zhang Guo Li), sends his second in command and some men to take her into custody, Redmonkey goes with them.

They get to a hut and rest and it is clear that the men intend to rape her. Redmonkey gives the second in command a gold watch and is left with her. He takes a jade pendant she wears and rapes her. The others return and are round her when the Captain arrives. She takes a gun off the second in command and kills herself.

It is assumed that the Captain will become the mayor but a new mayor, Cheng (Yuen Wah), is sent. He arrives by motorbike and side-car along with his sister Miao (Candy Lo), who is a doctor, and Ann (Mei Li Na) her best friend. At first the mayor seems a buffoon – ill as he is from the journey – but it soon becomes clear that he is sharper than he lets on.

The first port of call is the coffin home, where the effeminate Song (Chin Ka Lok) is horrified that Miao would want to do an autopsy on the dead mayor – feeling it is disrespectful to the dead. He explains that souls return seven days after death to ensure that the body is being treated correctly. Just then the shutters blow closed and it appears that the ghost of Lei has arrived. However it is her sister, Moon (also Candice Chan), who has come to sit and await the soul’s return.

That night one of the guards, Fatty, who was involved in the rape is asleep when a figure passes his window. He is awakened by the large spiders that crawl over him, they bite him and he dies. It seems as though the spirit of Lei is looking for revenge.

Meanwhile Miao and Ann go to do the autopsy. They go to the toilet and Song takes the opportunity to hide the mayor’s body, dress as a kyonsi and scare the women. When they find the truth, Miao slaps him several times and tells him to return the body… but it has gone.

From then on the ghost of Lei seems to be killing those associated with her rape and death and the kyonsi seems rather interested in the new mayor. It all seems tied into the grave of a famous general that is concealed in the graveyard, under an ordinary marker. The new mayor should know the truth of the grave but, of course, the previous mayor should have been able to pass that knowledge on before his untimely death.

Ricky Lau came back with a film that balanced mystery, thriller and comedy in a way that Lau does well. Perhaps it didn’t all hold together as well as Mr Vampire but few things will. There is a little bit of martial art action, a lot less lore – though we get the idea of peach wood bullets to stop vampires – and a good splattering of comedy. The comedy centres on Song, whose effeminate traits are blamed on his parents – they dressed him as a girl to cure his sickly demeanour. However, the jokes are actually sympathetic towards him and he becomes both the hero of the piece and Miao’s love interest.

There are some unanswered plot points within the film but I can’t spoil them without spoiling the crux of the film. These do, however, annoy as you realise they are there. However, all in all this is a good little piece, a solid comeback and a film that those who enjoyed Mr Vampire will get much out of.

6 out of 10.

Ang Darling Kong Aswang – Review

Director: Tony Y Reyes

Release date: 2009

Contains spoilers

I very much enjoy films about Aswang, or at least the concept of them as the films themselves can be somewhat of a mixed bunch quality wise. I have seen Western takes on the legend and home grown Filipino films.

This is one of the more unusual takes as I never thought to see an Aswang romantic comedy! I understand that Vic Sotto is somewhat of a household name in the Philippines and that his collaborations with director Tony Reyes are pretty much taking a general direction. But hey, I haven’t seen any of those films and, despite this being somewhat over-long, this was great fun.

The film gives us a brief explanation of spirits, suggesting that good spirits emerge when the sun is at its brightest but that the time of the full moon is reserved for those creatures who transform. The imagery of mananaggal and aswang fill the screen and then we cut to a group of people holding some sort of ritual led by Barang. They rub a liquid onto their skin as they begin to transform, developing fangs and claws – some taking the form of dogs we see later on.

In a village a church service is being held when a Mr Kurawasa – a Japanese filmmaker – arrives to film a documentary. All would be well but the aswang sect descend upon the village attacking everyone. The scene is protracted by comedy moments – a trio of gay men fighting off the aswang for a while provide the most jokes. During the (off-screen) carnage the trio of aswang known as the three sisters spot mother and daughter Ida (Agot Isidro) and Eliza (Cristine Reyes, Patient X) eating meat that they quickly hide – later we discover this is because it was goat rather than human.

Victor (Vic Soto) works as a call centre manager in the city, where he has got his cousin Tom (Ritchie D’Horsie) a cleaning job. Tom is one of the staple comedy characters in the film. Victor is a widower, the son of the community head man and lives for his daughters Angel (Mika Dela Cruz) and Aileen (Barbie Forteza). There is a suggestion that perhaps he should remarry but he doesn’t want that. I mentioned Tom and some of the comedy is odd, like Victor meeting a woman whose car battery is flat and getting Tom to drink a poweraid drink and then charging the battery off his cousin.

Eliza is cornered by Joaquin (Rafael Rosell), who insists that she will be his. Ida decides to take her daughter off to the city where her cousin Banong was a house. It just so happens that (comedy character) Jerry (Wally Bayola) has broken down as his car has overheated. Victor has sent him and Tom to get water from a nearby house – the one where Banong lives. Therefore Victor is there when Eliza and Ida arrive. Eliza looks at him and her eyes turn red, eye mojo ensnaring the man’s heart.

The courtship of the couple drags on a while but then she tells him that she is an aswang. She proves this by leaping through the air with him on her back. He is not sure, then, about the relationship but soon decides that love conquers all. The two marry and we get a comedy then based around an aswang and human trying to cohabit (and keep her secret from the other humans).

Of course, the sect realise that Ida and Eliza have run away and want them back.

The lore sees aswang able to turn into dog form and, it appears, when angry or excited they develop fangs and might transform into dogs involuntarily. On the full moon the need to hunt overtakes them and whilst the three good aswang are drawn to a pregnant woman (and the scent her unborn baby releases to their sensitive noses) they manage to drag themselves away and attack a goat.

They have eye mojo, as I mentioned, and are kept at bay by various spices – salt, garlic and ginger all work and salt burns the aswang. This leads to gags about uneatable meals because Eliza doesn’t flavour her food when she cooks. The main aswang only eat human flesh and, whilst at first dubious, Ida and Eliza discover that forrero rocher and liver pate sandwiches are good to eat.

Religion is an interesting aspect to this. Whilst they attack parishioners in church at the beginning of the film, Eliza cannot have a church wedding. We discover that Victor’s dad realised what they were as Victor’s grandparents were aswang who went good and his dad was helped to be rid of his curse by a local priest (Victor was unaware of his heritage). When this is done it is more like an exorcism and a dark spirit is chased from the body of the aswang, making the condition more like a possession.

To kill an aswang a variety of implements are used. There is a gun with a holy bullet and a crossbow with blessed arrows. There is a sword made from a swordfish and a whip made from the tail of a stingray. Later it seems a head shot with any old rifle will do the trick. A killed aswang falls apart and vanishes with a greenish light. However, the aswang are very strong and fast and are able to leap in superhuman ways.

The last bit or lore to mention is the holy water – not used against the aswang as a weapon, as such, but put on the skin of a human it prevents the aswang from smelling the human. Victor is also given a magic stone that will allow him to become invisible for five minutes (everything these days is prone to expiration, as he is told).

This was great fun – but overlong. It could have done with around 30 minutes cut out of it. Some of the humour missed the mark for me, but one feels that much of that was cultural in basis – yet it was a genuinely amusing film for the most part. Sotto made a sympathetic lead and Reyes was beautiful and flashed good fang.

An unusual offering. 6 out of 10. The imdb page is here.