Tender Dracula – review

Directed by: Pierre Grunstein

Release date: 1974

Contains spoilers

I was rather happy when this little piece of vampire obscurity dropped through my letterbox. Okay, I knew it was on dvd-r and that the quality of the print was going to leave a lot to be desired but it is obscure, it does star Peter Cushing and Cushing plays the (alleged) vampire. Cushing plays a vampire!

I am still happy, as it is so rare and thus finds a place in my collection as a piece of obscurity. What I found, however, was a sub-rate, almost psychedelic, French bedroom farce (with an alternate title of Confessions of a Blood Drinker – obviously to cash in on the ‘Confessions of’ movies). It had perhaps overtones of the year before’s “Case of the Smiling Stiffs” – though that had a lot more going for it (and if you’ve seen the earlier film you’ll realise that is no good thing). Tonally I was also reminded of the later and risible Mama Dracula.

What I also discovered was something that reminded me, in places, of the following year's 'the Rocky Horror Picture Show'… There were (blooming awful) songs in this, there was even a song as a woman bandaged an injured man whilst ripping her underwear into strips (a sequence that ends in a level of nudity unseen in Rocky) and there was a launching castle at the end. If Richard O'Brien took anything from this he only improved it but nevertheless the fact that it brought Rocky Horror to mind was nothing short of bizarre.

The film begins with two men running around corridors as, elsewhere, a surgeon looks down on two women – one young and one old. Eventually we see the throat of the young one cut but it is obviously a dummy and a bad effect at that. The two men burst through a door, the surgeon reveals his face. It is a film (they have entered the screening) and the surgeon has been played by MacGregor (Peter Cushing).

The studio’s producer (Julien Guiomar) has a problem, MacGregor doesn’t want to do horror any more – he has a clause in his contract that has allowed him to refuse horror roles and he now wants to do romance. The two men, Alfred (Bernard Menez) and Boris (Stéphane Shandor), are writers on the romantic drama ‘the Growing Pains of Daphne’. They are to travel, with two actresses Madeleine (Nathalie Courval) and Marie (Miou-Miou), to persuade him to do horror and then change their show accordingly.

At the castle they meet the brain damaged servant Abélard (Percival Russel) and MacGregor’s wife (Alida valli). She was originally Abélard’s wife until his accident and was called Mable; MacGregor changed her name to Héloïse as Mable did not contain the spirit of romance. He is fixated upon romance, for example he deems the fact that they arrived at the castle on foot - the car crashed - without luggage as fitting for romance purposes, and really refuses to go back to horror as it is a dead genre (and if this film could have had anything to do with it then it would have been a dead genre).

As the films grinds slowly on it becomes clear that strange things are afoot. Is MacGregor, in reality, a vampire? He does seem to have fangs, he like to dress in formal wear and seems to drink a glass of blood for breakfast – but then claims it to be a Bloody Mary. Things are fairly psychedelic, but not in a good way, and even the nudity can’t keep the viewer's interest. This really is a prime example of poor film making and, I would have to say, probably the worst film Peter Cushing ever made.

The surrealistic nature of the film runs from beginning to end, be it the producer throwing a knife at MacGregor’s picture that then bleeds, or Héloïse stating that she loves the young and the beautiful (the two writers were far from young and beautiful) to the revelation that the producer and a film crew were at the castle, in bed sheets like ghosts, filming the weekend. And yet… I couldn’t have cared, so difficult it was to keep my attention focused on the pile of celluloid faeces before me. 0.5 out of 10 is only given because it would be a sin for a Cushing movie to get a big, fat zero.

One for the collection, though it’ll never be watched again! Unless you are an obsessive completist, I would say avoid.

The imdb page is here.

Honourable Mentions: Madhouse

Okay, this one is a real stretch and just to get things straight – whilst there are two people dressed as vampires in a costume party (and another as a vampire’s victim) – there are no real vampire moments in this. However a connection to a famous vampire movie lends this a genre interest.

But first of all let us look at some of the stars of this 1974 joint API and Amicus film that was directed by Jim Clark. The star was Vincent Price (the Last Man on Earth, Scream and Scream Again, the Monster Club and a voice cameo in Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein). It co-starred Peter Cushing, Robert Quarry (Deathmaster, Count Yorga, Vampire & the Return of Count Yorga), Adrienne Corri (Vampire Circus) and Linda Hayden (Taste the Blood of Dracula & Vampira). It also contains archive footage, staged as films starring Price’s character rather than Price himself, with Basil Rathbone (Queen of Blood) and Boris Karloff (Isle of the Dead, Black Sabbath, House of Frankenstein, Mad Monster Party? & hosting the Thriller episode Masquerade). A veritable smorgasbord of genre names.

Robert Quarry and Adrienne Corri

The story starts 12 years ealier and a private screening of the new Dr Death movie – starring Paul Toombes (Vincent Price) as the titular character. After the screening Toombes announces his engagement to Ellen (Julie Crosthwaite). There is some bitchiness from a previous leading lady, Faye (Adrienne Corri), who suggests that all Toombes gave her was a stake through the heart. Then producer Oliver Quayle (Robert Quarry) drops the bombshell that Ellen was a lead… in his porn films. Toombes is incensed and then, as she retreats to a bedroom, we see someone don the Dr Death gloves. Toombes wakes from a blackout and goes to apologise to Ellen but, as he touches her shoulder, her head falls off.

Vincent Price and Peter Cushing

The credits show us Toombes being treated in a mental institution and we discover that it he was acquitted but the psychiatrists believe that he had a breakdown and became the Dr Death persona. Twelve years on and he has been released and called over to England where his friend Herbert Flay (Peter Cushing) – the writer of Dr Death – has sold a TV series based on the character to Quayle. They want him to reprise the role. However people start dying in ways identical to deaths in the Dr Death films and Toombes can only question his own sanity.

Yorga outfit

The reason for the mention centres on a costume party celebrating the TV series. It has Flay and Quayle dressed as vampires and PR woman Julia (Natasha Pyne, who played Laura in the unfortunately lost Mystery and Imagination version of Carmilla) as a vampire victim. There was an irony, of course, to Cushing being dressed as a vampire given his association with the Van Helsing character but we should remember that he made Tender Dracula that same year, in which he played an actor who believed he was a vampire (and may have been, though the film is unclear). Natasha Pyne as a victim, given her Carmilla role, and Quarry as a vampire seemed in-jokes. It is because of Quarry, however, that we mention the film as (according to IMDb) the outfit he wore was the very one he wore in Count Yorga, Vampire – though to be honest, Quarry and Cushing just dressed as vampires would probably have been enough for me.

The film itself is fascinating, star studded, silly and – eventually – blooming ridiculous. The imdb page is here.

The Lost Hammer Films?

It is astounding what you discover on the web and I caveat this post with the concept that the MySpace Blog I found this on is likely indulging in a gentle hoax or simply indulging in wishful thinking – though one hopes, wishes even, it to be true. However, on the Christopher Lee Fan page is a blog entry regarding 4 lost Hammer films that where found in a vault in Bray Studios. 3 are vampire orientated. The descriptions are quoted directly from the blog.

Scourge of the Vampires:

“(1961). Right after Hammer made Brides Of Dracula, the studio realized that David Peel made an, er, "a-peeling" vampire. The studio also finally convinced Christopher Lee to return to the Dracula role. The obvious result was a film that pitted both Peel's suave nobelman vampire and Lee's Dracula against humankind. Alas, Jimmy Sangster's script tried to give both actors equal time, which pleased neither. Lee stalked out in a snit during filming, and refused to don the Dracula cape again until 1965's Dracula, Prince Of Darkness. Peel asked for more money to continue in the film solo, and he was released by the studio. What remained of the film was relegated to the vaults.”

The Revenge of Dracula

“(1959). With the international smash success of Horror Of Dracula (entitled Dracula in the United Kingdom), Hammer Studios let no moss grow under its collective feet. It immediately commissioned another Dracula film, slated to star Christopher Lee. A corporate decision was made not to bring back Peter Cushing's Van Helsing in order to put the emphasis on Dracula. Again, the busy Jimmy Sangster wrote a script, whereby Count Dracula's loyal gypsy tribesmen collect his ashes and use black magic (and the blood of several virgins) to revive him. Using his loyal gypsies as shock troops, Dracula begins to systematically wipe out the villages that he believes betrayed him. The planned scenes of horrific carnage were to be leavened by a romance between a sensitive gypsy man and a gypsy girl whose sister was one of the slain virgins. The two take after Dracula, who is finally destroyed when the spire of an ancient church topples and penetrates his black heart. This rousing production came to a screeching halt when Lee adamantly refused to play the role again. As a result, a hasty re-shuffling resulted in Brides Of Dracula in 1960, which did co-star Peter Cushing in place of Lee.”

And the ‘Monster Mash’, The Edge of Midnight

“(1969). By the end of the Sixties, Hammer's original gothic horror product was showing its age, as were its horror stars. Just as Hammer aped Universal Studio's classic monster series with its own gothic horrors, Hammer decided to give its monster series a shot in the arm with a tag-teaming of monsters, just as Universal did with its "House" movies in the late Forties. Lured back to Hammer with a promise to direct as well as script the picture, Jimmy Sangster concocted a plot in which Peter Cushing's Dr. Frankenstein and his Monster meet and battle Christopher Lee's Dracula and Hammer's Spanish werewolf (played again by Oliver Reed). In the script, Dr. Frankenstein steals Dracula's ashes to experiment on them and is driven away by the authorities. He escapes to Spain, where he hears stories of the el hombre lobo and digs up the werewolf's corpse and revives him. Of course, a battle royal results. Unfortunately, neither Cushing nor Lee nor Reed could keep a straight face during filming. After many blown takes, the project was shelved. By the way, it is not true that Hammer later planned to salvage this film by adding the talents of Rowan and Martin. The atrocity known as The Maltese Bippy cannot be laid at Hammer's doorstep.”

Unfortunately, one does question the authenticity of the post given no sources are quoted, simply that the info was found on the web – I can find no such info. Even if it were true, how much footage there could be? However, these are fantastic concepts and if anyone out there could confirm the validity of these (partial, unfinished) films to this old cynic – well I’d be grateful.

Finally, thanks to the Christopher Lee Fan Page – the post made me smile and misty eyed in equal proportions.

Corruption – review

Director: Robert Hartford-Davis

Release date: 1968

Contains spoilers

This is another film where medical processes are used in a vampiric way – this time to restore beauty, which makes it analogous to Atom Age Vampire, indeed like that film the disfigured woman’s scarring is on half her face and like that film the mad doctor undergoes a Jekyll and Hyde like transformation – the difference here being that his transformation is not physically into a monster but mentally through the stress of the position he is in.

leaving theatre

It starts with an operation and the lead surgeon is Sir John Rowan (Peter Cushing) who has completed a monumentally long surgical procedure. He goes home and falls asleep to be woken by the telephone. It his fiancée and model, Lynn Nolan (Sue Lloyd), who reminds him of a party that photographer Mike Orme (Anthony Booth) is throwing. When the couple arrive in the car we can tell it is a May to December relationship and once in the party it is clear that Sir John does not belong in this swinging (sixties) scene.

injury

Mike clearly has a thing for Lynn and spurns another model (Vanessa Howard, the Blood Beast Terror) to photograph her. When he starts encouraging Lynn to undo her dress, suggesting the shots get kinky, Sir John intervenes and the two men fight. A photography light is knocked over, landing on Lynn and badly burning her face. In the hospital the fiancé is told they have saved Lynn’s sight and her distraught sister, Val (Kate O'Mara, the Vampire Lovers) arrives.

scarred

Lynn wakes screaming and Val is by her bedside. She is back home and Val tells Lynn that Sir John is working day and night to find a way to rejuvenate her skin. For her part Lynn, knowing that her modelling career is over and knowing she is now disfigured, simply wants to die, asking for a bottle of pills to be left for her. Sir John, for his part, is irritable given setbacks. Eventually he decides he has found a cure and shows Lynn a Guinee pig he claims to have injured in the way she was and cured.

surgery at home

He goes to the hospital and performs an unauthorised autopsy on a car crash victim stealing her pituitary glands. He is caught by his mentee Steve (Noel Trevarthen) who reluctantly turns a blind eye. At home he has made a surgery theatre with laser medical implement (the film was also released under the title Laser Killer) and operates on Lynn with Val assisting. Whether he transplants the gland (ala The Man In Half Moon Street or makes some form of injection I couldn’t tell, but the surgery also involves cutting scar tissue with both scalpel and laser.

the kill (UK version)

The next scene has a dinner party with Steve attending and Lynn’s face is back to normal. Lynn and Sir John are to go on a cruise but they return early as her face reverts to what it was. Sir John decides it is because he used a dead gland and must use a living one (how long it is deemed ‘living’ is questionable given the violent removal, as we’ll see). This sees him visiting a flat of ill repute and here the film has two versions. The UK and US versions have him visit a prostitute (Jan Waters), there is a bizarre scene of her taking a phone call and discussing clients, him getting cold feet and it all leads to an attack that is mostly unseen. In the continental version the prostitute (Marian Collins) strips and he gets cold feet, she demands payment and he begins a frenzied attack. In both cases he cuts her head off. All three versions are on the Indicator Blu-Ray.

Peter Cushing as Sir John Rowan

Long and short, the “living” gland also degrades but slower and Lynn demands another operation before the scarring returns. However, it is Cushing’s deranged attacks on victims that makes quite a ludicrous narrative (which includes a home invasion by criminal beatniks – or British cinema approximations of such, a most audacious train carriage murder/decapitation, and a mass laser killing) watchable. Cushing offers a superb performance, from suave to manic, with regret, shock and pathos. He makes this worth watching. Sue Lloyd likewise offered a chillingly sociopathic performance. There is an undercurrent of misogyny to the murders, which matched the cinema poster tagline “Corruption is not a woman’s picture”. The coda scene fails to hit the mark but I won’t spoil it, nevertheless 5 out of 10 for a superb Cushing performance.

The imdb page is here.

On Blu-Ray @ Amazon US

On Blu-Ray @ Amazon UK

The Blood Beast Terror – review

Directed by: Vernon Sewell

Released: 1968

Contains spoilers

This was a movie from Tigon films; now if Amicus were Hammer’s poor relation then it seems to me Tigon were Amicus’ poor relation – which isn’t really a good pedigree. That said this does have Peter Cushing in it and a rather unusual vampire. The unusual vampire, however, is not necessarily a good thing.

After views of an expedition in Africa, looking for moth chrysalis, we cut to England and a hansom cab being drawn through the heath. The cabbie hears a scream, stops and goes to investigate. He finds a young man bloodied and dying. There is the sound of flapping and the cabbie gasps as he sees something, unseen to us, that makes a guttural screech.

Dr Carl Mallinger (Robert Flemyng) is giving a talk on entomology. Detective Inspector Quennell (Peter Cushing) arrives at his home and is told by the scarred and officious butler, Granger (Kevin Stoney), that it is inconvenient for his visit but Quennell enters the talk and sits at the back. After the lecture the Inspector asks Mallinger about a student who has been killed, Fisher, and the entomologists informs him that it is a terrible waste. During this a student places a spider (fake or dead?) on Mallinger’s daughter’s arm, Clare (Wanda Ventham) screams and faints. Suddenly the policeman is called, his sergeant (Glynn Edwards) has arrived.

The body of the new victim has been found and Quennell, on looking at him, realises he is still alive and calls for Mallinger. The Professor seems reluctant to help, as he looks at the body, but the young man dies anyway.

Back at the station Quennell is informed that the cabbie is to be sent to an asylum as he is raving. Going to see him he hears a tale of a creature with big eyes and giant wings. The inspector then goes to the morgue, and these morgue scenes have a generally unfunny comedy relief in the form of the attendant and we discover that the latest victim is number 6, that all the victims are men, they have damage to the thorax and are drained of blood.

The police search the heath but there is little to see, except some strange things dropped around the area, which the Inspector takes to Mallinger to identify. He seems shocked when he sees them and tries to take them all, for testing, but Quennell only lets him have one.

A naturalist, Britewell (William Wilde) turns up at the police station looking for Mallinger’s house. He is recently returned from Africa, where he has been collecting samples for the professor. He is taken to the house by a bobby. Once there he falls for Clare and we see more of the Professor’s strange mood swings. Clare is part of an amateur production of a Frankenstein based play that the Professor’s students put on in the house. Following the play Britewell sneaks off for an assignation with Clare but she purposefully looses him in the woods… he is attacked.

Ahh, our vampire emerges and it is… a moth. That’s right… a giant, man sized moth. I cannot begin to tell you how rubbish this looks, it is the pits of monster makeup, but there you have it. Now we are in the time of gas lamps, rather than the electric bulb, but you’d think this thing would be easily distracted/destroyed by putting a light on… hold on, I’m perilously close to giving the climax away! To a degree this probably should have been a “Vamp or Not?” but I stuck to the generic line that it is genre – just.

Anyhoo, having denied knowing Britewell the Prof knows that the jig is up and legs it with Clare. Quennell is quickly on his tail. We learn little more about the moth – who is also Clare if you hadn’t realised (don’t worry, it is blooming obvious so I don’t class that as a spoiler). We know that she has a taste for human blood; we know that Mallinger created her and we know he is making a mate for her. The mate, it seems, needs human female blood to grow. The things Quennell found on the heath were scales from the giant moth wings.

Mallinger seems to be a jack of all trades. He is a Professor of entomology, he is a doctor, he is a mad scientist, he is very proficient at hypnosis and he is, above all else, very bad at not looking guilty whenever anything comes around that might give the game away. Indeed our cast of characters all seems a little odd in one way or another.

Cushing, as always, is excellent. You could put him in anything, it seems, and he would shine. Cushing went on the record as saying that this was the singularly worst film he ever made. I guess part of the problem is that the concept was from a different age to when this was filmed. If this had been a cheesy, 50s drive-in we might have accepted it more – but it is filmed in such a dead pan way (other than the comedy character) that its audacious premise seems all the more bizarre.

That said, there is some camp value to a giant moth bumbling around the countryside and I’m tempted, for this reason alone, to give this 2 out of 10. A word of caution, I got my DVD cheap from ebay – fair enough – but it is the French edition. The film is on the disc in either English or French, but the French subtitles are embedded into the English version rather than being a separate subtitle track, so you have to put up with subtitles through when you don’t need/want them.EDIT: Though there is a shiny UK Blu-Ray now.

The imdb page is here.

Vamp or Not? Island of the Burning Damned

So, this is a 1967 British sci-fi/horror that was directed by Terence Fisher, starring Christopher Lee and guests starring Peter Cushing. I was contacted by Clark, who asked whether I had seen the film (under its title Night of the Big Heat) and looked at it as a ‘Vamp or Not?’ Given the director and stars I have mentioned it should be great, thought I, but Clark cautioned, “It's dreadful, you'll love it”, and he was right.

It starts with a meteorological station, on the island of Fara, and a car with its soft top down drives past. The driver, Angela (Jane Merrow), is clearly feeling the heat. Meanwhile a man, Godfrey Hanson (Christopher Lee), is checking a camera. It is melted. He sets up a new one but is observed by a tramp (Sydney Bromley, the Fearless Vampire Killers). The tramp has a gander at the equipment once Hanson has left and then heads to the cave where he lives. There is a high pitch sound and he looks fearful as he dies…

Jane Merrow as Angela

Angela has broken down as the car is overheating and a van, driven by Tinker (Kenneth Cope), stops. Angela can’t understand, she had the water checked on the mainland and he asks if she has put anti-freeze in it. She has and that’s the problem – as it is causing the overheat – but, she insists, you need anti-freeze in winter. As we discover it is winter throughout the UK but Fara is having an unseasonal and localised heatwave. He puts water in her car and tells her to let it cool down. By the time she reaches local inn the Swan he is sat outside enjoying a pint.

Cushing and Lee

The Swan is run by Frankie (Sarah Lawson) and the only customer indoors is Dr Stone (Peter Cushing). Angela introduces herself, she is looking for Jeff (Patrick Allen), Frankie’s husband and novelist, and she is his new secretary. Jeff has popped over to the mainland and Hanson comes in asking if Jeff has returned with his parcel. He is due any time. As it stands, unknown to Frankie, Angela and Jeff had a fling and she has followed him to the island to continue it (it sounds as though he moved there with Frankie to get away from her). The heat is rising (literally), folk start acting odd and only Hanson suspects the truth.

attacked

Hanson is a scientist and he believes that the island is being invaded by an advance force of aliens. They are increasing the heat to make the island hospitable. They start attacking energy sources, including animals and humans. I’ll let Hanson explain, “we’ve been sending out high frequency impulses to explore space… …to these beings, they represent a life force… …these beings are composed of high frequency impulses in heat form. They transfer like any form of high frequency…” so they came through the station’s scanners and then materialised, physically, in the atmosphere. At one point Hanson suggests they are from another planet, at another from “where the cosmic gases ferment”. There is so much scientific techno-babble it is untrue. The aliens, they discover, are attracted by light (another energy form) but why ‘Vamp or Not?’

a creature

Essentially, each attack sees them drain the energy (from a car battery, for example) but also from the animals they attack (be it sheep or humans). They do this by causing the animals to burn, through the sound one assumes, and extracting the energy from the combustion – Hanson suggests they are looking for an energy source to keep them alive. So, essentially, they are eaters of energy. They look like blobs that glow and the men try to use explosives to destroy them (of course, that is another energy form). How can they be killed, let us just say that we have a methodology akin to War of the Worlds – not a virus but the Earth has a method of combating the invading force.

winter heatwave

So, Vamp? Well they do consume energy – any energy (there is a logical flaw with them wasting energy by heating the planet up – assuming they somehow generate the heat) and so it depends how generous you want to be about their vampiric nature (my inner jury are still out). However, if you are happy to go down that route I can tell you that Clark was absolute right, this is dreadful but I did love it. The imdb page is here.

On DVD @ Amazon US

On DVD @ Amazon UK

Honourable Mentions: One More Time

Now I have, many a time, stated that vampires get everywhere… and they really do. This is a 1970 comedy starring the wonderful Sammy Davis Jr. (Messiah of Evil & the Cannonball Run) as Charles Salt and Peter Lawford as Christopher Pepper.

It has much of what you would expect, a swinging soundtrack, mistaken (and assumed) identities and some bits that perhaps wouldn’t be put in a film nowadays. Aside from that it has the breaking of the fourth wall and some genuinely surreal moments in amongst the more mundane gags.

Christopher Lee as Dracula

The moment we are concerned with sees Charles Salt accidentally opening a secret passageway in a bookcase (the only book he could find of interest to read being the Kama Sutra and that is the secret switch). He looks into the dark passageway and is confronted by a cornucopia of horror characters that include Peter Cushing reprising, according to imdb, his Dr Frankenstein role (though I would have preferred to think of him as Van Helsing) and Christopher Lee as Dracula. Both actors were uncredited but both had a brief speaking moment.

Peter Cushing as Dr Frankenstein

Later, when trying to show this to Pepper, the secret door opens to reveal nothing more sinister than a booze cabinet. (At the end of the film it becomes the chamber of horror again, but unseen to the audience and only revealed in noises).

So, Sir Christopher Lee reprises his Dracula character again, if only briefly and vampires, yet again, get everywhere.

The imdb page is here.

Vamp or Not? Horror Express

This was a 1973 movie directed by Eugino Martín and was mentioned by regular visitor OllieMugwump as a candidate for a ‘Vamp or Not?’ investigation. I am always more than happy to receive ideas for flicks for me to look at – especially when it stars the horror greats who are Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing.

This movie proved to have an odd mix of the supernatural and the sci-fi, which makes the base story interesting in its own right and our bad guy, as it were, is “a 'mind-sucking' intergalactic being.” – which is great fun also, but we get ahead of ourselves…

The beginning of the film has a voice over by Sir Alexander Saxton (Christopher Lee) who is giving a report of the failed expedition to the Szechwan province in 1906. In a cave he discovers an apeman, mummified and preserved in ice by the looks of him. Of course this becomes a prime sample to cart off to Blighty and make a big song and dance about in the scientific journals.

At Shanghai, however, Saxton has a bit of difficulty in that the corrupt clerk has not booked him a seat on the Trans-Siberian railway. Enter Dr Wells (Peter Cushing) and his assistant Miss Jones (Alice Reinheart). He is not above greasing the wheels with some money – ‘Bribery and Corruption’ fumes Saxton. It is clear there is little love lost between the two men. Saxton is going to strong arm his way to his ticket when an officer and his troop arrive and offer assistance.

In the meantime a thief (Hiroshi Kitatawa) has tried to break into the crate. His body is found, quiet dead, his eyes turned white. A nearby mad monk, Pujardov (Alberto de Mendoza), blames the devil and then displays that whilst he can draw a cross on the floor with chalk, the crate will not allow a cross to be drawn on it. Is this a supernatural element? Saxton is dismissive, believing it is all 'hypnosis and yoga'.

Wells is curious as to what is in the crate – believing he has heard noise from within – and asks the baggage man to drill and sneak a peek. In the meantime Wells and Saxton have discovered that they must share a bunk and Wells has been approached by Natasha (Helga Liné), who claims to be getting away from Shanghai and has no ticket but is actually a spy (honestly the array of characters is dazzling). The baggage man does sneak a peek and then a hand creeps out and starts picking the lock. When the baggage man returns we see red eyes and his turn white as he bleeds from all facial orifices.

The on-board cop, Inspector Mirov (Julio Peña), has the crate broken into and they discover that the mummified apeman has vanished and the baggage man is in the crate. We have heard the creature hum the tune the baggage man was humming and picking locks was the thief’s specialty. So this is our mind-sucking creature…

Our characters begin to discover this slowly. Wells does an autopsy on the baggage man and discovers that his brain has become completely smooth. Later Natasha breaks into a safe to steal a package left by the Count (George Rigaud) and Countess (Silvia Tortosa) Petrovska – a new steel tougher than any previously invented. She is brain sucked for her trouble.

Wells comes across the attack and looks to be next on the list but Mirov comes along and shoots the creature. Not before they have made eye contact however. Mirov awakens and we know that something is hinky when he hides his hand. The reason for this is hidden for some time but it becomes apparent that he now has an apeman hand. We’ll get back to this.

Wells and Saxton are investigating the eye of the, now dead, apeman and discover that the inner fluid contains images of all it has seen… including dinosaurs and the Earth from space. This was just a little bit too silly, generally, and begged further questions such as – did the essence, as it were, pass the visual memories to the apeman as it wouldn’t have observed the Earth from space? However, audience questions aside, the all new Mirov has to break cover to finish these men off who know the truth and to get details of how to make the new steel from the Count. Pujardov, convinced that the creature is Satan, breaks faith and wants to worship him.

So we have a thing that can suck memory and transfer from one host to another - though why Mirov would develope a hairy ape hand was unknown and without any real internal logic. The magic eye-trick only works in the dark, when his eyes glow wonderfully. It is an energy creature stranded on Earth and looking to escape. It has animated the body of the apeman and those others on the train that it takes over. It can also animate its victims to be an army of white eyed zombies.

Is it vampire though? I can understand why Ollie would suggest watching this. We have had possession by alien energy as a source of vampirism before and it does suck the mind out. It attacks at night (or in the dark at least) and we might be able to conclude a type of psychic vampirism. However, there is no indication that this creature attacks for sustenance; it attacks for knowledge and for defensive reasons (we see it stand above two sleeping children at one point and then leave them be). I would say not vamp.

I will say, however, that it is good fun – if a little preposterous in places – and there are some great lines. Mirov suggests to Wells and Saxton that one of them could be the monster. “Monster?” Exclaims Wells, “We're British, you know!” I should also mention the appearance of Telly Savalas as a Cossack. Savalas is fantastic and, for a moment, we get Savalas, Cushing and Lee all together in a scene.

The imdb page is here.