Seymour the Unfortunate Vampire – review

Director: Joe Kane

Release date: 2024

Contains spoilers

This film was, I believe, a reconstruction of a web serial, now pulled into a feature and despite trying to do urban fantasy, in a comedic way, on a budget I was really rather taken with it. There were some fun characters, and it was helped that Seymour (Joe Kane) was rather endearing.

It starts with an almost industrial moment and then we see movement through trees into suburbia where Seymour is outside the house about to smoke a cigarette. His friend Corina (Jacqueline Real) arrives, asking about friend Wally (Wayne Heckler) – he’s inside – and nags Seymour about the cigarette. Once she has gone in he is suddenly confronted by a man, Basil (Chritian Titus), bumming a cigarette. We see the fangs, Basil attacks Seymour.

attack

The titles contain background, talking about humans becoming fearful and destructive towards the supernatural creatures, the Salem witch trials and the council of royal vampires (purebloods we later hear) creating the Shadowlands as a haven. There was then civil war and the royal vampires were defeated. Back in our timeline and Corina and Wally interrupt the attack. Seymour's subsequent turning process involves various visions.

Seymour and Agent Odin

Basil is confronted by Director Hagar (Brimstone) of the Supernatural Rehabilitation Services (SRS). Attacking a human (and turning him) is a big no no. Hagar rips the heart out of his chest and boxes it. Elsewhere, Corina and Wally speak on the phone as they are out and about – Wally is taking no chances, despite Seymour being their friend, he has filled his contact lens case with holy water and bought Garlic powder. Meanwhile Agent Odin (Sal Conca) of the SRS drugs and kidnaps Seymour, ensures he has not fed off anyone, gives him a rule book and a pill box full of blood. I should mention that vampires, in this, have reflections but they can act independently of the physical self.

Wally and Corina

So we follow Seymour getting used to the new way of life, being tutored by Chester (Marshall R. Teague) the werewolf, on the radar of a couple of vampire hunters and learning that he should avoid fairies – they like to drink vampire blood as it is a drug to them and he eventually discovers that drinking fairy blood puts the vampire into a coma. A bit of a spoiler but I did want to mention that the film does jump forward five years part way through, due to this mishap, and whilst it jarred immediately, it did quickly work and drew in a larger conspiracy.

the vampire hunters

As I said at the head, this was fun. It was really inventive and, whilst the budget did show, they did much with little. Seymour, as I mentioned, was endearing and most of the characters worked really well (barring a couple of side characters later on that were there for plot/numbers and not developed in the same way). I would have liked to see more of the vampire hunters – they were fun – and more of Seymour’s family, but they did pack a lot into the short running length. 6.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK

Remember Remember – review

Director: Mark Hindman Smith

Release date: 2021

Contains spoilers

Let’s aim for the elephant in the room first, the very idea of Guy Fawkes as a vampire hunter brings Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter immediately to mind – Fawkes would seem to be as prevalent in the UK collective psyche as Lincoln is in the US, though seen as a challenge to authority rather than an exemplar of it. This anti-establishment re-write (in reality Fawkes did not want to end the British monarchy, rather replace it with a pro-Catholic branch) has an international relevance thanks to the Fawkes masks in V for Vendetta.

fangs a lot

Of course, the big difference between this and the aforementioned Lincoln vehicle is one of studio vs indie, big budget vs shoestring. This does have heart but it also makes some fundamental story errors along the way. It also is the first part of the story – whether the filmmakers have plans to continue is unknown as I write this.

ferals

The film starts in Black and White as we see a fight between a group of hunters led by Guy Fawkes (Mark Hindman Smith) and a horde of vampires that seem to pour from a house. We later discover these are feral vampires; humans who are bitten, consume blood and go mad (though there does seem to be some level of cognitive ability left). There is fight choreography, though the action direction does occasionally pull a punch and this is probably down to there being a varied level of skill amongst the actors.

Ruth Stapleton as Mercy

We then get a narration from Fawkes, mentioning the issue (in the future for the film’s timeframe) of being caught under Parliament. He mentions being part of a secret society that hunt the equally secret vampires. The film moves to a tavern and Mercy (Ruth Stapleton, Bite Night) sings until Fawkes enters and she suddenly stops. Her sister, Grace (Gemma-Louise Keane), runs up to Fawkes to greet “uncle Guy”. He has noticed Mercy’s mood and she vanishes off to speak to her mother (Amelie Leroy, Nest of Vampires). In that conversation we hear that tavern owner and father to the girls, Byron (Mark Ward), and their mother are vampires, as are the girls and the family have been enacting a charade with Fawkes and his hunters for ten years.

Mark Hindman Smith as Fawkes

How are they getting away with that? Firstly, by not hunting – they feed on pig’s blood. Mostly, however, we hear through another hunting unit that Fawkes’ unit may have the highest kill tally in the society but they are in the dark about certain aspects of the creatures they hunt. They know about ferals but have not been told that there are born vampires (and purebloods – the two seemed to be mentioned as separate things but without an obvious distinction) who are not feral and can pass for human. Sunlight in this can weaken, disorientate and, if direct, cause collapse and eventual death.

Rachel Brownstein as Glover

This other group of hunters is led by Captain Glover (Rachel Brownstein, also Bite Night) who has a disagreement with her second in command Sergeant Parsons (Maria Lee Metheringham, also Bite Night) who wants to tell Fawkes what is going on. Their unit is tracking a vampire and they have noticed non-feral vampires moving North. The vampire they track is Isaac (Damian Freddi). He happens to be looking for a pureblood to breed with and sets his eyes on Mercy. He slips her human blood but she turns feral and runs off, killing one of Fawkes’ brethren hunters (Richard Carter) and revealing the innkeeper family’s nature – this was one of the feral moments that suggested they were not devoid of human knowledge or drive as she clearly headed towards the tavern, and after feeding returned to Issac (and was imprisoned).

Fawkes and Parsons

The film was clearly on a small budget but also showed a lot of heart and ambition. There were, however, issues. The dialogue sometimes strayed into either feeling a tad too modern or beyond the social status (some of Mercy’s dialogue seemed too book smart for a tavern-keeper’s daughter). Delivery was often rather stagey as well. Action sequences, as mentioned, suggested different levels of skill/experience. It was story moments, however, that caused the film to stumble. Aspects seemed off – Byron, discovered by Fawkes, manages to choke him into unconsciousness and tie him in the cellar (there is some confusion as to location, with scenes concerning Isaac and barmaid, and Fawkes’ love interest, Maria (Caroline Dunne) in a cellar that one would assume to be the same place but Fawkes is mysteriously not there). This is all well and good but why spare him and then lead him to a cave full of ferals, and likely death, when it is clear he would try and track the vampire family down? Why did Isaac let the feral Mercy leave his mansion, knowing she would likely kill and draw attention? Why would a commanding officer keep his unit in the dark about the threat the enemy poses (there may have been reasons but the narrative didn’t suggest any)?

Mercy feral

The primary lore – beyond purebloods and ferals and the sunlight that I have already mentioned – includes a bite turns (though it is the imbibing of human blood that sends the turned person feral) and stabbing the heart seems to be the primary kill method (Fawkes uses his skills with gunpowder to hide evidence of the vampires – thus blowing up the house at the start of the film). Purebloods span all levels of society, ferals hide away from towns and cities (though given the numbers we see it feels plot weak that the populace do not know of the existence of vampires). Byron has discovered that the blood of different animals offer different skills to the vampire (cat, for instance, seems to be speed).

blood spattered

Despite the issues I have mentioned, this film did have heart and star/director Mark Hindman Smith looked to be enjoying himself. It is the feeling of loose narrative direction and the questions this raises that causes me to depress the score down to 4 out of 10. A good script edit would have done wonders for this. The imdb page is here.

Bleed Them Dry – review

Author: Eliot Rahal

Artist: Dike Ruan

First Published: 2021 (TPB)

Contains spoilers

The Blurb: The year is 3333. Earth is in a state of recovery. Vampires are real, and though far less populous, they thrive alongside humans in the Japanese-engineered mega-city known as Asylum. People have come to understand that some Immortals are good, some are bad, and most navigate the world without incident. There is peace. That is…until now. Someone is brutally murdering vampires. And Detective Harper Halloway has been assigned to the case. To solve it, she’ll have to unearth a much deeper truth: The future of humanity has been edited.

The Review: Originally created by Hiroshi Koizumi, this graphic novel was subtitled as a Ninja Vampire Tale and set over a millennium from now. The setting is the International Republic of Displaced Peoples – or the city of Asylum and starts with the investigation of a murder of a vampire by detectives Harper Halloway and Atticus Black, a human and vampire respectively. In this there are several levels of vampire – there are purebloods, turned (by being bitten but there are also turned through genetic manipulation we later discover) and hybrids (which, as we get an area of the city called Dhampir Island, I assume are offspring but they tend to just be mentioned as weaker than full vampires).

Very early into the book Black captures the serial killer who has been murdering vampires… or so he claims. It becomes clear that there are two vampire killers out there and one is Black himself (and the person he arrested is a patsy). As Harper discovers the truth she is bitten by Black, who suffers a huge amount of damage at the hands of Toyo – the other vampire killer. Black is rebuilt (replacing an arm, half his torso and both legs with cybernetics as, whilst vampires can heal, they cannot regrow limbs) and Harper is framed as an accomplice of the killer. Toyo was a genetically manipulated vampire from a thousand years before and knows the truth: the pureblood vampires are not from our world, rather they came from another dimension in an invasion. They quickly took the world and had survivors build asylum – which was essentially a human farm – and then manipulated media (and history) to make out that they were the liberators of humanity rather than the oppressors. Toyo was one of a group of anti-vampire ninjas created by the yakuza, who had taken the mantle of the resistance after the world Governments capitulated. Unfortunately, he had been buried, sleeping, in the manipulation pod (during what appeared to be the base collapsing, of course he was unaware of the event) and has just woken and continued his mission.

There are, as you can see, some great ideas in this. One brief (a frame long) one was seeing Black before a mirror that only reflects his cybernetic parts. However, the great ideas aren’t developed as much as they could have been and there is so much more that could have been explored. As the book is labelled as the complete series, I suspect they will go unexplored. The book itself, moves from one battle to the next as the ex-partners, along with the ninja from the past, battle each other. The art is solid and consistent, looking good throughout. The location was strange in that, despite some futuristic looking skylines and Black’s cybernetics, it didn’t look too futuristic but that can be said to be down to the oppression the humans are under (without realising). If this disappointed in any way, it was down to the fact that there are characters and concepts that deserve exploration. 6.5 out of 10. Thanks to number 1 son, who got me this for Christmas.

In Paperback @ Amazon US

In Paperback @ Amazon UK

Age of the Living Dead – season 1 – review

Director: Paul Tanter

Release date: 2018

Contains spoilers

This series (season 1 running at 6 episodes) was a Fox one that didn’t even flicker on my radar until it appeared recently on Amazon Prime… and there is a reason for that I think.

Set in an America following a vampire apocalypse (this is set ten years in) this doesn’t appear to have generated any buzz and that’s probably due to it not realising an apocalypse in any sense, so let’s explore.

the Elders

America is now divided into three zones, the vampires live on the East Coast and, presumably, this is where the outbreak began. The cities are complete, the scenes we see suggest that the vampires have simply usurped humanity and now live as top dogs with humanity as slaves. The vampires themselves are divided into born (so purebloods one would guess) and those who have been turned and have a ruling council of elders. They have machinations and politics and killing another vampire is allegedly a no-no.

Julia Farino as Pres. Robertson

The humans are on the West Coast, they still have a President, Margaret Robertson (Julia Farino), and a fragile truce with the vampires that has made it necessary to have compulsory blood donation to send to the vampires as a condition of the peace (known as the Bloody Sunday agreement). The centre of the country is a no-man’s land where both sides are meant to avoid… of course the humans have a dessert base there – the Haven. The country is quarantined by the rest of the world – what happened to central and south America and Canada is not mentioned at all.

victim

So, the vampires have been doing experiments and are creating a synthetic blood, which means they won’t need the humans any more. The humans have managed to reactivate a nuclear weapon (during the fall, the president at the time had them disarmed to stop the vampires getting them) and have decided to take out the drones (which the UK have flying over America) and nuke the East Coast. Meanwhile the Brits (who have told the public that there are no human survivors in the US) have developed a cure (that you have to inject directly into the heart) and – once they realise the American plan, send in an SAS team to deliver it (by dropping them in no-man’s land and not on the East Coast).

Yvonne the daywalker

The commander of the Haven is Gerry (Simon Phillips, Strippers Vs Werewolves), who lost his wife Marie (Eve Mauro) during the uprising and whose son, Adam (Everett Moss), has grown up in the apocalypse. Adam finds a passed-out girl, Yvonne (Nicola Posener), in no-man’s land and brings her back to the Haven where it turns out that she is a vampire. She claims to want to warn the humans about the synthetic blood and hates her condition, they fall for each other but no one seems remotely interested in the fact that she doesn’t seem to frazzle in the sun (she’s been scientifically manipulated and also doesn’t have vampire eyes). It is also bizarre that it turns out that Marie is her vampire mother (or step-mother, presumably) as it is a coincidence too far really and betrays a soap-opera heart to the storytelling.

in sunlight

So, despite the Haven crew’s raggedy outfits, none of this feels like an apocalypse. The vampire territories and human territories seem like business as usual. The vampires are incredibly overpowered – humans don’t stand a chance (Yvonne saves them from one raid and, despite accepting being imprisoned, could have just broken the door to her cell) – and we see them in daylight with either whole body covering or lashes of sunblock. The SAS frazzle one with a UV light so one wonders why none of the US soldiers seem to have the same.

David B. Meadows as Victor

The acting is ok with some of the cast but with others it feels off – the vampire Machiavelli called Victor (David B. Meadows), for instance, would probably come across better if the thick accent was eschewed. There is no rhyme or reason for the vampire hierarchy (the elders are there by dint of age – and the chief elder is an exercise in lack of exploiting the casting as Bill Oberst Jr. (Black Water Vampire & Dis) is too good of an actor to have been used so little) and thus the elevation of Marie, as a newly turned, seems unrealistic. But it is the underexplored and thoroughly holey backstory that spoils this the most. 4 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK

NYV: Goth – review

Author: K.D. McQuain

First Published: 2018

Contains spoilers


The Blurb: Blood Stains Don't Show On Black!

Being friends with a vampire can be hazardous to your health. That’s what Christian’s tribe of New York City street punks has been finding out the hard way. Ever since his transformation, the people who get close to him have been dropping like flies at the hands of the fiend that infected him. His girlfriend Cara was dead and his roommate Rachel lay grievously wounded as he headed towards an uncertain and perilous future.

Now he must quickly learn to defend himself if he is going to face The Chord and find a place in vampire society. Fortunately, he has his sword wielding mentor Amym and a beautiful Gothic exotic dancer named Joyce, to help guide him.

The review: I reviewed the first book in this series, NYV: Punk over at Vamped and, at time of the publication of this review, the further review I have written of the series related novella, which gives the background of the character Amym, is pending over there. Author K.D. McQuain approached me independently and offered me book two of the series for review.

The first novel was set within the early New York punk scene and this book moves forward into the early days of the Goth scene (actually, probably better described as Post-Punk). Main character Christian, or Chris, has been turned into a vampire by accident and in this world vampires are divided into two types. Those born as vampires and those turned (who are known as the Lesser Blessed). The ruling vampire council/society is known as the Chord and Chris is sent to be trained as they decide his fate – in this world the Lesser Blessed serve the Chord usefully or die.

What they decide is essentially an experiment. Chris and fellow vampire Joyce are to reveal themselves on the Goth scene, they are to offer (without giving - for obvious reasons but also as Lesser Blessed cannot create vampires) immortality and create a vampire lifestyle group of followers. The experiment is, essentially, obfuscation of vampires by creating a false mythology. This aspect of the book was interesting in and of itself. The horror in this volume is delivered through Chris’ sire – both his abusive modern-day activity and the backstory that reveals the born vampire was Gilles de Rais and we explore his crimes, his punishment and his survival. The two aspects come together at the end of the novel when the born vampire creates a coterie of out of control Lesser Blessed that the Chord send Chris and Joyce to deal with. There is a moment at the end that goes into the mystery of Chris’ upbringing that has been left silent since the opening of book 1.

McQuain’s writing has strengthened from the first book (actually something I noted in the novella Amym). The moments of Chris seeming too knowing and his dialogue feeling a little off because of this are few and far between and the pacing of the book is stronger, with the flashbacks and contemporary horror moments balanced nicely. The books draw both an interesting version of vampirism and a decent level of mystery still to be revealed. 8 out of 10.

In Paperback @ Amazon US

In Paperback @ Amazon UK

Vamp or Not? All the Devils are Here

This is a 2014 film by Ryan Lightbourn and when I put it on I wasn’t expecting to do a ‘Vamp or Not?’, I was content to be watching a mid-range creature feature/Evil Dead/kids find themselves at a deadly cabin type flick. A little film with which to while away the hours. Next thing I know the damn thing (which had started to look like a zombie/outbreak film) is mentioning vampires and I’m having to screenshot and think about the (admittedly clichéd) plot.

So, it starts with a couple of cops transporting prisoners and they’ve hit someone with their truck. Jenkins (John Russo, Minutes Past Midnight) goes to radio it in whilst the other, Bridges (Reggie Peters), checks the rather messy victim for a pulse. Said victim rubs gunk into the cop’s face – who shoots him. There is movement in the woods and Jenkins goes to investigate and doesn’t come back. Something goes for Bridges who opens the van before being got. The prisoners Tre (Doo-Doo Brown) and Brody (John Pelkey) make good their escape.

the Mysterious Old Man

We have a brief meeting with Owen (Ben Owen, also Minutes Past Midnight), his girlfriend Kate (Ansley Gordon), her college friend Evan (Tommy Goodman) who she invited along (and who Owen has decided he dislikes), Owens’ friend Kyle (Ben Evans, also Minutes Past Midnight) and Kyle’s girlfriend Amy (Amanda Dela Cruz). These college kids are going to a cabin owned by Owen’s parents. But enough about them because the cops have just picked up a Mysterious Old Man (John Archer Lundgren, also Minutes past Midnight), found naked in the woods, and handed him over to nurse Sheryl (Erica White). She lets him get cleaned up and he finds that his hair is coming out in gloopy amounts and his teeth are falling out too. She comes back in and he attacks…

the kids arrive

So, we get to the cabin, the kids have a good time – bar the antagonism of Evan by Owen, who is convinced the former wants to sleep with Kate – much drink is had and mushrooms – though Evan is convinced he can hear something out in the woods. In the morning Owen and Kyle have gone to a store to get supplies before the others awaken. They find themselves in a hold up, as Tre and Brody are there. Also Sheryl is outside, milky eyed and acting odd. Store owner Kenny (Dale DaBone) turns the situation around and suggests that the sheriff has warned that Sheryl has a form of rabies. They try sneaking out the back with the two cons as prisoners. Now, Sheryl looks zombified and rabies is a go-to for zombie and vampire movies.

a nightwalker

So, what is going on. Well we later hear of a native American legend about an evil that wishes to wipe out humanity. Their bite contains a venom that turns the victim into one of them. So why vampire? Well because the cast keep referring to them as vampires, one even suggesting that someone will turn into a vampire. They also refer to them as bloodthirsty (but that doesn’t necessarily make them blood drinkers, of course). One notable fact is that they are very sensitive when it comes to light and avoid the daylight and bright lights as a result. Right at the end of the film they are referred to as nightwalkers.

the queen

We also discover that they can breed, as well as turn, and we see a nightwalker Queen (Brett P. Carson) birth a fully-grown nightwalker (Charlie Shaw). She is then killed by cops who have investigated the cave they’re in. The reaction of the other nightwalkers is to grab and kidnap a human female (rather than bite her) and they are going to feed her something that will (presumably) transform her into a nightwalker queen also. So, we could arguably say there are purebloods and turned and that the creatures display intelligence.

survival horror

This clearly has as much to do with the zombie genre (though they are not zombies but humans transformed into creatures) as anything else and takes some inspiration from that genre. However, the deliberate use of the V word is telling and the light sensitivity is straight out of that playbook (Sheryl isn’t fully transformed, hence her being out and about in daylight, I assume). In some respects, I am tempted to go down a zompire line, the set up doesn’t feel wholly vamp but the filmmakers were definitely flirting with the genre and its tropes. Possibly a tad more genre interest than genre. The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK

The Caretakers – review

Director: Steve Hudgins

Release date: 2014

Contains spoilers

Not to be confused with the earlier (and singular) the Caretaker, writer and director Steve Hudgins has followed a line of concentrating on the vampire’s human servant that has also been seen in such films as the Familiar and Sodium Babies.

The film has been made on a budget and it does suffer for that but, on a positive, there are some really interesting lore aspects and quite a complex story drawn – much more complex than one would expect on the budget.

Jessica Dockrey as the Albino

It starts with a voiceover and then meet Jack (Nick Faust) who is on a porch when Catherine (April Jennings) and Paul (Travis Shanks) walk up. Catherine orders Jack to train him, after asking the man’s name Jack shoots him in the face. Catherine simply walks into the house. We see (by virtue of a binocular shape on screen) that they are being watched. This turns out to be by a private investigator and his albino sidekick known, imaginatively, as the Albino (Jessica Dockrey). I’ll come back to the Albino later.

Michael Coon as Jimmy

Elsewhere there is a knock at a door and a woman answers to see a young man, Jimmy (Michael Coon), who is sweating. He suddenly grabs her and drags her inside, eventually stabbing her viciously – we’ll talk blood soon as well. As it is he gets a testing kit out and checks the dead woman’s blood type but it is wrong. By now his companion, Rachel (Brittney Saylor), has entered the house and he tells her this. She insists on being locked up but starts getting violent with him as he does as she asks. Rachel is a vampire and the hunger is out of control.

Sally and Parker

I don’t want to spoil too much storyline, as this is the strongest aspect of the movie, but there are some bits I need to explain. Rachel’s father (Bill Johnson) has gone to a couple, Parker (Joe Estevez, Blood Slaves of the Vampire Wolves) and Sally (Felicia Stewart), to help him find his daughter. They in turn have hired the PI and the Albino and are aware of vampires.





Catherine and Jack

Catherine is a pureline vampire – another species. This is where we get the interesting lore. The pureline vampires have one main vulnerability – that is the deepest part of their sleep is so deep that anything could be done to them. Because of this they are secretive and have human caretakers. Jack is Catherine’s caretaker but she realises that he wants more out of life, which is why she wants him to train his replacements – this ends up being a father and his daughter who Catherine had saved from a serial killer.

overhelmed by hunger

We discover that the purelines have telekinetic and limited telepathic powers (she knows when her caretaker is hurt) and a support network through human society. They feed on blood but it is slightly different to most vampire films. They have to bite their victim and release a chemical into the wound that alters the blood over a period of time – making it drinkable (though this does not sound like a good evolutionary survival tactic). If a victim should escape with their blood altered – like Rachel did – then they become a hybrid, developing fangs and an overwhelming and inescapable hunger. They must drink their own blood type and become increasingly unstable and violent. Rachel quickly develops the ability to smell her own blood type. Catherine wants Rachel found and destroyed.

pureline vampire

This had problems but generally story wasn’t one of them – it gave us story in spades and a complex one at that. One aspect that I did like was that there was no moral judgement on the part of the filmmakers – the characters simply were. However some bits didn’t ring true, for instance the complete lack of comeback when Jack killed the first new caretaker. The acting was ok, amateurish in places but good enough in the main to go along with the story. The photography was amateurish, to be honest, though kudos to those behind the lighting as the use of coloured light was reminiscent of classic Euro-horror. However it was in some of the sfx that we see our biggest issues.

badly realised blood

I’ll start with blood. The vivid pinkish-purple blood was entirely the wrong colour to be blood and it looked daft. However many a film gets blood wrong. I was also thrown, in the very first instance, by the Albino. We didn’t get her name at first and I assumed with the pale makeup, the white contacts and the wig that we were faced with some form of undead. The fact was that making the character an Albino added nothing to the film – she could have given the same stoic performance as just a specialist PI/vampire hunter – but the look was a jolt as the makeup/contacts/wig were unnatural and a detriment to the film.

fangs

All in all the photography and some bad sfx choices underlined that we were not dealing with a more professional piece and kept the film off kilter despite having plenty of story. On balance this deserves 4 out of 10, as a flawed film with some good aspects and worth a watch for the story at least. The film was produced by Big Biting Pig productions.

The imdb page is here.

New Blood Rising – review

Director: Chad Zuver

Release date: 2014

Contains spoilers

So, when I write a review I like to get actor details from IMDb but avoid the other reviews until I’ve written mine. However, having noticed the rather high rating and having just seen the film, thus knowing what my rating was going to be, it all seemed, shall we say, incongruous. This time I decided to read the reviews anyway.

Well bless me, they must have all, each and every one, been seeing a different film because they were kick ass reviews. I don’t know what actor Nathan Pelland had done to offend, however, as he seemed to be the one bad thing (according to a couple of reviews, anyway). To be fair to the gentleman, he wasn’t any worse than anyone else in the film.

Brie speaks to Archer

Things start going wrong with the opening intertitles. These suggest that vampires have ruled since the beginning of time (though no-one in the film would seem to have noticed) but the second intertitle has to be quoted, “Their bloodlines have come to an end by a group slayers called The Hunters.” Forgetting the uninspired team name for the slayers, I think what they meant to say was “have been brought to an end” and “a group of slayers”. Honestly, if you can’t get the language on a post-production intertitle right there isn’t much hope. Anyway they continue to inform us that there is one family of vampires left (remember that) and the Hunters are led by Archer (Chad Zuver).

the last vampire family

Said vampires are Jade (Kayla Elizabeth), the leader, her sister Ophelia (Vanessa Leonard) and their brother Bryce (the IMDb review maligned Nathan Pelland) and Jade’s goal is to raise a vampire army. Bryce has found *something ideal*, but Ophelia disagrees. Their internecine row is brought to an end by Jade who tells Bryce to check “it” out. It is a shop and a worker is just closing up. Jade becomes worried that Bryce will balls things up and they creep closer – remember, these are meant to be big bad vampires and they are scared that one shop worker might spoil everything for them. Bryce tackles the worker and the three vampires feed (just to note that the lot is by a road with cars whizzing past – so no stealth there) the blood effects seem orange on the chin.

Thomas Sloan as Karver

Fifteen year old Brie (Dana Furlong) wakes up, her dad (Allan Meyette) has a list of chores for her to do whilst she is grounded. As he has to work a double shift he wants her older sister Julie (Ashley King) to watch her – much to Julie’s chagrin. We discover that a new family has moved in over the road and Brie fancies one of them, Karver (Thomas Sloan). As dad leaves he meets the patriarch of the neighbours for the first time, who introduces himself as Archer – yes, leader of the Hunters. Dad is a little taken aback by Archer’s unusual name – strange for a man who named his youngest daughter after a French cheese. The Hunters (the other two are Riley (Lisa Marie) and Ash (Jesse Younkman)) are there to protect Brie. Julie takes Brie to the shops but, when they argue, she boots her out of the car and drives off.

using mojo

So Jade needs the blood of Brie, an innocent with pure blood, to raise her army of the undead. This is despite the fact that those they kill rise as vampires anyway and would seem to have more to do with the fact that she appears to be dying (this isn’t expanded on). After all the earlier bother around being caught taking over a shop we then discover that vampires are invisible to ordinary mortals if they wish to be. Sunlight kills, as does holy water and a stake to the heart and having their necks broken. Ophelia (who has constant red eyes) has a line in eye mojo that can allow her to make someone stake themselves – but that’s ok as stakes do not damage clothing or cause bleeding apparently.

bloodied chin

We also discover that crosses ward, which is blooming amusing as Karver takes Brie to meet Archer and the other Hunters in (what amounts to) an alley, but its ok, its daytime. As the day becomes suddenly overcast (vampiric weather control) they leg it to the Hunters' house (vampires need an invitation to get in). Before they get there they change their minds and go to the park as there is more room to fight, fight some minion vampires and change their minds again and go to the house. Not one of them thinks, let’s put Brie inside a church! Karver, who looks very young, tells Brie he has been doing this (hunting) for a very, very long time. Either he has a rubbish concept of time or the Hunters don’t age (they are a breed apart it seems) – in which case he is older than he looks and his attraction to the 15 year old (as we are repeatedly reminded of her age) suddenly seems very creepy!

Eric Badik as Brackos

Did you, like me, wonder why every vampire who comes back in programmes like Buffy the Vampire Slayer is suddenly a martial arts expert? You don’t have to worry with this as none of the vampires or the Hunters have particularly good fighting skills. Jade summons Brackos (Eric Badik) an ancient vampire only she can control, who attacks Hunters and vampires alike – Archer is aware and wary of him. Apparently having red gunk on your face makes you an ancient but… didn’t the intertitles suggest that the siblings were the only surviving vampires?

a (deliberate) stake in the stomach

So, the thing has holes through it. Brie’s innocence is, I am guessing, more a virginity thing as she is known to be trouble, always being grounded and a liar. Only a drop of her blood is needed (and the mentioned ritual not really a ritual at all) and so one wonders at how much effort it took to get that one drop – in fact, generally, these vampires aren’t that bad ass and so one wonders how they managed to rule the world, ever. Indie, no budget films are always difficult to judge as the lack of budget does make life difficult for the filmmakers. However good story, dialogue and acting can make up for elements missing due to lack of finance. It didn’t in this case as the story was bad, the dialogue poor and the acting amateur – but it is getting a sequel. 2 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

The Temptress – review

Director: Jeff Kirkendall

Release date: 2002*

Contains spoilers

*IMDb gives the release date as 2003, the DVD box states 2002.

It is sometimes difficult, when watching a low budget independent movie. Clearly you are not going to get the professional effects of a higher budget piece and the acting might be of a lower standard but there are often things that make the film stand out as worthwhile – even if it is only heart.

There were some serious issues with the Temptress – in narrative and photography primarily. However you can see that writer, director and actor Kirkendall really believed in what he was doing. The DVD I used for review is the special edition, this included the short film 3 to Murder, a prelude to this film. I watched Tempress first and wrote the review before watching the prequel (which will be subject to a further article).

felt overexposed

The film starts with a garage and Eric (Matt Kennedy, Bloodlust (2004)) is getting ready to go camping (though the full amount of gear he and his girlfriend, Tina (Jennifer Lescovich), take seems to amount to a cool box, wine and glasses, two lanterns and two sleeping bags). The car journey takes us through the credits – the music seems odd and ill placed, though a change of theme later in the credits suits the film better. The photography sometimes becomes way too exposed, perhaps indicating that Kirkendall was not au fait with the digital camera that he was shooting with for the first time (according to sleeve notes included with the DVD).

Amy Naple as Angelique

The couple get to their spot and Tina informs him that it is meant to be haunted. The story goes that, some time before, a man was tempted through the woods by a beautiful woman but then woke up back at the camp – as ghost stories go it is pretty darn lame. Night falls; we can tell as the lanterns are on because the day for night shot doesn’t even bother with a filter to try and disguise the technique… it is broad daylight but let’s all simply pretend it’s not. A woman, Angelique (Amy Naple), steals a lantern after waking Eric and draws him through the woods. She wears a sharp finger sheath ring.

Eric with lantern

They get to a building and she makes him sleep, and then awakens him straddling him. Why she had the finger sheath is unknown as she sprouts long black nails and fangs. He struggles and (at times) she appears to be Tina. Then she calls herself Tina and vanishes. It is a diversion. Tina is being fed upon and turned by Angelique and another vampire, Rose (Mary Kay Hilko). By the time Eric gets back to the camp site Tina is gone. This is followed by a scene, presumably some time later, with Karen (Jennifer Birn) being kicked out of a car (for not putting out). The previous day for night shot technique is abandoned for actual night shots (the lighting is heavy handed but the value of shooting night shots at night has to be stated). Karen is mugged, and the mugger is then killed by the vampiric Tina who has happened along (but he accidentally shoots Karen during the struggle) and so the dying Karen is saved by Tina.

feeding

Cut to the modern day and Karen, Tina and Rachael (Eileen McCashion) have taken up residence in a house. As we start Karen is talking to Ronnie (Tim Hatch) whilst Tina is getting it on with David (James Carolus, also Bloodlust). David is intent on robbing them but Karen has left a male victim to turn by accident and it all goes wrong. We then get a convoluted story of Angelique trying to get Rachael back (as a lover presumably), other female vampires vying for power off Angelique (or trying to get back into her grace and favour) and the main girls (bar Rachael who is mostly not in the film) trying to lead a life away from the head vampire.

Ronnie with stake

It’s actually an ambitiously convoluted plot but, with a 67 minute running time (some of that mis-paced with certain scenes lingering too damn long – such as Tina dancing with David) and poor narrative structure, the story loses itself and ambition falls over I’m afraid. As for lore a stake through the heart (or a vampire draining another vampire) kills – though why David stakes one vampire (Heather Blossom Brown, also Bloodlust) in the stomach, causes her to collapse, drops the stake, leaves her to get up as he hides, eventually follows her for some distance... and then he stakes her with a branch (rather than staking her when she was down) was beyond me. The vampires lack reflections, the awful day for night shots confuse us when it comes to the impact of the sun on the vampires and Angelique is a pureblood, born a vampire.

clowning around?

Effects were sparse but the staking was effective. I do have to say that, when Tina ate the mugger near the start of the proceedings, the blood round her mouth made her look like she was wearing clown makeup – a shame, but mostly the blood effects were quite good. All in all this was poor but I appreciate that Kirkendall really was doing something he believed in and that is worth mentioning as there is an honesty present, even if the quality falters badly. 3 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.