Onlyfangs – review

Directors: Angelica De Alba and Paul Ragsdale

Release date: 2025

Contains spoilers

Onlyfangs is a vampire comedy that was crowdsourced for funding, I had backed the project and so got the electronic release as my perk. We are back in the world of the content creator – the online amateur cryptozoologist, in the case, and a more adult version of content creation – and the influencer is very much a theme in several vampire (and more generally horror) films at the moment. The film, unfortunately, has a major issue, which is a shame as it does much right.

Neve and Scarlett

So, it begins 100 years ago with Neve (Delawna McKinney) and Scarlett (Nina Lanee Kent), who are running through the countryside, trying to escape *him*. Do not let, what might be, night-for-day shooting put you off. It may just be twilight as these vampires can go into the sunlight it seems. They get to a river and we do have an issue I’m picking up on regularly in budget flicks – modern technique tattoos on vampires in period settings. In this case, they are visible but it is a quick scene and ultimately forgivable. *He* is Harvey (Nick Zagone) and he catches the errant vampires – they are his (there is an underlying theme of ownership of women) and he kills Neve.

turning Reece

Cut to modern day and Scarlett, along with Zooey (Meredith Mohler, Queen Dracula) and Selena (Adriana Uchishiba) are having a photoshoot featuring Reece (Kansas Bowling, Verotika & Death Rider in the House of Vampires). At the end, Harvey comes in, the other women leave and there is almost a casting couch feel, which leads to him biting and turning her. Later we see he keeps her in a cellar/cell and feeds her mice – however, Scarlett appears along with Selena, with a sword, who takes care of him.

on the road

The credit scene then sees the four vampire ladies trudging through California, with Reece dragging a trunk – later we discover it contains Harvey, his arms and legs removed but still undead as Scarlett wants him to suffer. There is a montage of travelling (taking turns dragging the trunk) and then getting a ride, who they kill and take his vehicle. Eventually they set up shop in an abandoned skate park. They then go hunting. Three go to a bar, where they dance on the bar top and then slaughter the people there, whilst Reece goes on a date. Clearly Reece was always going to eat him but, before that, he goes all murderous Christian Nationalist/incel on her. This gives her a reason beyond vampirism for her attack. There is a theme through this, which takes aim at conspiracy theorists and the MAGA type,

The Monster Boys

Elsewhere in the park that Reece is in, Wes (Drew Marvick) is shooting content with sister Gwen (Jessa Jupiter Flux, Debbie Does Demons) and friend Quentin (Shane Meyers). Together they are the Monster Boys (Gwen notwithstanding) and they are looking for monsters in a park, where Wes' hero, monster hunter Wilhelm Johanssen (Bryan Hurd), allegedly found a chupacabra. Gwen isn’t in to it, Quentin gets lost and Wes stumbles upon Reece feeding, gets footage and legs it.

Reece feeding

So, without dragging this out – as dragging things out is an issue with the film – the vampires meet Wes. His footage is too blurry and ridiculed to cause them an issue. However, he does have an idea for OnlyFangs, shooting subscription based vampire footage, including visits to clients for the full vamp experience (it is notable that he thinks it a gimmick until later in the film). Peril comes in the form of a MAGA type congresswoman (Ellie Church). So, what about dragging things out? Well, the film has a 2-hour running time, and that is way too long. It’s pacing suffers and it outstays its welcome. Wes has a group of conspiracy nut friends and the vampires kill them. They could just let all that hit the (virtual) cutting room floor – it really doesn’t add to the film.

offering her blood

That said there are some great vampiric images and the photography is professional, but story elements don’t add up. The vampires are keeping it on the down-low after what they did to Harvey and yet indulge in a viral app phenomenon. They seem to have other vampires involved internationally but then there is talk of a war coming with the vampire elders (so why get involved with other vampires and, presumably, bring more focus to them) and needing to build a vampire army. The dialogue does touch on Scarlett hating capitalism and corporations – and yet content creation is an act of micro-capitalism. The big issue, though, is the running length and it is because of this that, despite some earnest performances (and a particular shout out to Adriana Uchishiba, whose Selena was gloriously demented), decent photography and good imagery, I have to hold this at 4 out of 10. A substantial re-edit would earn it a return review.

The imdb page is here.