Honourable Mentions: Debbie Does Demons

Ah, Donald Farmer, director of many a poor film… this is his 2023 opus and, whilst rubbish, it is so knowingly so that one almost can take it as a self-styled meme and appreciate it for that. The primary reason for having the mention is that the central antagonist is named Carmilla Karnstein (Jessa Flux) – the name obviously coming from Carmilla and her look owing a tad to Franco’s Female Vampire - though in this she is a witch.

The opening credits actually seem quite well shot, a low tracking through a graveyard that has a feel of film of a more 60s/70s pedigree (and added pops and scratches). The cuts to shenanigans with rubber demons probably breaks that a bit but this is a rule of thumb for the movie – all the demons look blooming awful.

Carmilla grabs an innocent

We get some detail about the witch Carmilla, from the witch herself, and then we are in the show Debbie Does Demons (named, of course, for one of the most famous of adult movies). Debbie (Angel Nichole Bradford) is the host of a horror show and the next scene would seem to be presented on the show (except that the Carmilla character is played by Flux and thus it might also be a flashback). If the former then we can forgive the fact that the nun and monk outfits are clearly cheap end Halloween costumes of modern material and, as well as a cape, Carmilla wears some very modern briefs (and nothing else), this also allows a forgiveness of the very shaky camerawork (as the show is on the cheap) if the latter, then it’s poor.

the possessed monk

Anyway, Carmilla has grabbed a woman in period dress and is promising to use her virgin blood in a rite that will allow her mother, killed by witchfinders, to possess the innocent's body and finish the work of bringing Hell on Earth. Her plan is foiled when grabbed by a monk – who is a witchfinder – and a couple of nuns. However, she then decides to pass her spirit (mouth to mouth) into the witchfinder, who subsequently spits blood onto a nun and is now Carmilla… the story ends, Debbie ends her show.

the friends

Four friends Lauren (Morrigan Thompson), Jan (Dixie Gers), Ashley (Roni Jonah) and Adam (Adam Freeman) are watching the show (bad scripting later makes incorrect names be used – Ashley is called Angela at one point – and things be forgotten, such as Lauren forgetting that the Debbie Does Demon show exists after making her friends watch it). Lauren knew the episode was about Carmilla, announces she is a descendant thereof and suggest contacting the witch through a ouija board. As soon as it works Adam and Ashley leg it to their rooms upstairs and Lauren has a seizure. Jan runs to her room and is first to meet Carmilla who manifests in the shower, as you do, because… boobs (though they are out through 95% of her screen time anyway).

attack of the vampire nuns

So, Carmilla turns Jan and Adam into demons (who actually just look a bit like really low budget zombies whose makeup comprises of blood round the mouth) and Lauren has to find a way of unsummoning the witch. But, whilst I have mentioned this because of the use of Carmilla's name, there are two scenes to mention that are part of the Debbie Does Demon show. The first is linked as a piece on a haunted mansion, but instead we see a priest with a stake go to a building, be let in by nuns who are more in fetish dress than holy vestments – and they call the place the Church of Hallowed Holes. We see a woman (presumably vampire) get out a coffin and the priest attacked by nuns (who were previously licking blood from a naked nun) and consequently put in the coffin. It’s definitely a vampire scene with no narrative to speak of.

the succubus

At the end of the film, we see another part of Debbie’s show that has adult film maker/star Newt Wallen (Les Price) go with a crew to a burnt out building where his father had tried to summon a demon to have sex with and the place had burnt down. Newt is going to try and summon the demon, a succubus (Roxie Rose), for the same reason. She appears and then bites his bits off as the woman with him shows fangs. All in all, the two scenes are just fleeting visitations. The film itself is rubbish, but so knowingly rubbish it was actually not as bad as it should have been.

The imdb page is here.

On Blu-Ray @ Amazon US

On Blu-Ray @ Amazon UK