Burns Night – review

Director: Dean Hoff

Release date: 2021

Contains spoilers

This is a low budget, indie flick from Glasgow where the central figure is a vampiric Robert Burns (Joshua Layden) and my initial reaction, after viewing, was that whilst inventive, the budgetary constraints did limit it and it was perhaps a tad confused… or more likely, less confused but more the viewer picked up the pieces from a much larger world that perhaps needed more communication. Then I discovered that it was based on a series of urban fantasy books by Hoff, which also became a two series web serial called Caledonia (or Caledonia Mortal Souls – it looks as though there was a short, Caledonia, that became the beginning of the web serial Caledonia and season 2 was titled Caledonia: Mortal Souls). The viewer confusion in the film probably stems from not knowing the serial (which I will look at separately) and perhaps then an assumption of prior knowledge on behalf of the filmmakers.

Joshua Layden as Burns

After scenes of Scottish countryside (including a very apparent Nessie in Loch Ness), the film cuts to Glasgow. A woman is having a hard time romantically and is on the phone. She is observed from the darkness by Robert Burns – yes, the Scottish National Poet – freaked she arranges to meet her friend as a man in the background is pulled into the darkness. Burns emerges with blood at his mouth. We then see a man, Chief Inspector Benandonner (Jan van der Black), who watches revellers and declares he hates Burns night.

Maria Jones as D.I. Bishop

Moving indoors we see people go to tables. This is a police station of sorts and the underlying problems within the film come into view during this scene. Firstly, it looks little like a police station and is obviously the set they could get – forgivable, it happens often in budget productions – and then there are the guys who look like they’re in cosplay. Actually, this is a monster facing branch of Interpol and they are creatures of folklore, but we are left assuming that. Eventually the only human on the books, Detective Inspector Leah Bishop (Maria Jones), lets us know this but, before that, we are unaware. It isn’t the biggest issue, but it can leave one a tad confused over details that the series and, probably more so, the books have room to expand into.

Burns and Desdemona

A known person of interest, Sebastian Bloodworth (Stephen Bell), comes into the station claiming it is chaos out there and safer in the station. Bishop has to discover what’s going on but her partner, Dorian Grey (Alasdair Reavey) a half-selkie vanishes. Benandonner enlists Burns to work with her – Burns unrequited love Desdemona (Dean Hoff) had appeared back in town and is also said to have vanished. He goes to Bishop, who embarrasses herself by looking to kiss him – assuming his presence meant she was in a dream. Reality seems adrift, people are stepping into their own dreams (more often nightmares), Burns becomes suddenly human again and Bishop finds the monster under her bed (who injured her as a child, leading her into the world of monsters) is now a cute shoulder pet.

Baobhan Sith

The essence of the film centres around the dreams and mostly we follow Burns from dream to dream, starting with a dream of first meeting Desdemona, a Baobhan Sith who was a general in the fae armies at the time, him becoming a poet (and somewhat unable to keep it in his pants – the real Burns had 12 children) and eventually getting Desdemona to turn him. Probably a bit of a spoiler, but later on we discover that, unbeknown to herself, she didn’t turn him. His love for her and belief in her ability to do so made him become a vampire. As they go through various dreams, they discover what has caused the rip in reality but can they fix it?

a bite

This is more fantasy (and urban fantasy at that, with a lot of fae lore) and a whole lot less horror. The film suffered for budgetary issues – the merman’s tail for instance would past muster on stage in a play, perhaps, but not on screen and the monster from under the bed was cute but clear artifice. Some aspects – for instance two guardians of Glasgow one wearing a Celtic and the other a Rangers top and one of them meeting an angel – needed narrative expansion. Other throwaway bits were genuinely amusing, breaking with the primarily Gaelic mythology, we see Jesus (Neil MacKinnon) in a bar, swirling a glass of water that becomes wine and the barmaid pointing at a sign prohibiting drinking beverages not purchased in the establishment. This was a brave use of Scottish lore and history, which seemed to aim at nothing less than proudly celebrating Glasgow as a city in the denouement. If it was let down, it was mostly in the budget and explaining aspects more thoroughly. 5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.