Protégé Moi – review

Director: Robbie Lopez

Release date:2023

Contains spoilers

It is a bad sign when I have to rewatch a film, that I had been watching for review, because I fell asleep first watch. I mean, I am a man of a certain age but most vampire films, no matter how poor, keep my attention locked and my eyes open. I think, as we'll see, the issue with this film was the lack of cohesive narrative.

opening

After a production credit that borrows the Marvel production music we get a negative silhouette animation telling the story of Ambrigio who goes to Delphi, consults the Oracle, falls in love with Pifia who is beloved of Apollo and ends up cursed (becoming burnt by the sun, because Apollo and then made a vampire by Hades) – she is turned into a monster and forced to stay with him.

Alexandra Faye Sadeghian as Soelene

Now all the above was based on a supposed legend and vampire origin myth, something I have heard people tout as the oldest vampire tale, but research showed it to be a piece of 21st century creative writing. It is interesting that it is creeping into filmic vampire stories, though the original creative writing had the girl named Selene (there is a character in this, later, named Soelene (Alexandra Faye Sadeghian, Ditch Boys)).

Richie Ramone as the King

The vampire king (Richie Ramone) we get in the film, who sometimes takes on a Nosferatu type look, is presumably Ambrigio. Later we get a scene in the throne room with vampire women giving him a lapdance as a cover of Cry Little Sister by Richie Ramone plays. It isn’t a bad cover, all told, but it is unnecessary given we have the original and multiple covers.

hunter tech

Here's where the narrative gets hazy (and that’s polite) we meet Johan (Thomas Smith) who speaks about taking 3 ships and 18 months to get to the shores he is on. He is a vampire hunter. Except… We then see him (in what amounts to a medieval world) with some sort of sci-fi holographic scanner. Then we are told he’s battled their kind many times and we’re sent to Transylvania 1983, but then Egypt in 3100 BC and then the planet Cadavern in 2038… Space traveller? Time Traveller? We just don’t know.

the throne room

Then we meet Soelene properly. She is a vampire and one of the King’s brides/subjects. She has maintained her humanity, eschewing an attack (the king then kills the victim) and looking after her aged mum (who conceived her through the help of a witch and named her after said witch). Mum doesn’t know what she is and the King does punish her for such humanity. Of course, hunter and coven of vampires collide (the locals do not seem to know what a vampire is or who is in the castle (that is CGI rendered like a Cathedral).

papier-mâché head

The entire thing seems to be green screen produced, giving it a graphic novel look and this is meant to be part one. I’ve mentioned narrative issues above but the general story (vampire hunter kills bride, vampires go for revenge, Soelene is caught in the middle looking after mum) has no real depth or nuance to it. Stakes kill. So does sunlight allegedly, but that rule seems to break. Vampires feel it when another is killed. There isn’t much more to say. Some of the effects are truly poor – papier-mâché head I’m looking at you. 3 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK