Fangs Vs. Spurs – review

Director: Patrick Love

Release date: 2016

Contains spoilers

To be honest, the idea of a film being released in 2016, not garnering a single IMDb review (as I wrote this) and hitting Amazon VOD in 2023, just does not bode well. Yet, strangely, this low budget comedy was more entertaining than it had any right to be. It is certainly low brow but done from a place of fun and – in the right surroundings – it will prove fun for viewers. At least it did for me.

It starts at night with Tom Crandom (Harold Dennis) being awoken as, somewhere in the night, his son screams and the vampires take him.

Joe Estevez as Bartlett

Following credits, we find ourselves in a saloon, where a majority of the film is set. At the bar is Sheriff Bartlett (Joe Estevez, The Caretakers & Drakul) drunkenly telling the barkeep, Charles (Chad Foor), about arresting Black Jack Doolin (Phranque Wright). Bartlett notices new barmaid Sally (Deann Baker) and is about to be introduced when Crandom barrels in.

Deann Baker as Sally

He demands that the Sheriff deal with the vampires, but Bartlett is sceptical. Not of the vampires but because they have not been bothered for years after the war they had with them and the truce that they entered into with vampire leader Strychnine Von Ulf (Thomas A. Jackson). The younger cowboys don’t believe any of it but Bartlett gets his deputies together to go out and speak to Von Ulf. Unfortunately there wasn’t a truce – as soon becomes apparent.

Thomas A. Jackson as Von Ulf

What actually happened was that Bartlett and other townsfolk had killed Von Ulf’s brood (including his wife) but couldn’t kill the master vampire and so locked him in his castle (we see the interior, which looks more like a mine, but never an exterior shot). Von Ulf has brought his wife back and created a new brood. They kill Bartlett and his men and turn their attention to the town.

North Roberts as Bill Ford

The first attack seems devastating and leaves a ragtag bunch of survivors including Sally and Bill Ford (North Roberts). The film is played for laughs so one survivor had his arm torn off but seems none the worse for wear. For some reason Von Ulf wants Ford on his side and the cowboy was bitten, but his impressive willpower is fighting the poison. Some of the vampires are less loyal than they might be and one lets the townsfolk know that Ford can be saved by them killing the vampire who bit him (Von Ulf). This was a moment that showed the film at its worst – the vampire talks treason in the castle and then is in a jail cell – there is no intervening moment and no answer to how he made it out in the daylight. It feels like a chunk of film is missing but in reality I suspect the filmmakers bypassed a plot difficult moment.

those darn knots

However, despite moments like that, the film was entertaining in its own silly way. None of the humour is particularly sophisticated and it didn’t need to be. We do get a cameo from Calamity Jane (Colleen Elizabeth Miller), or her Buffy-like variant, and Wild Bill Hickok (Wolf McKinney). The vampires can turn into bats, vanish off, they burn in the sun, are repelled by crosses and a stake to the heart kills (as does a wooden bullet to the heart). The male vampires are bald, the female vampires not. One nice addition was making them obsessive about knots. Not the greatest film but entertaining enough. 5 out of 10 because it carries a low budget charm.

The imdb page is here.

On Demand @ Amazon US

On Demand @ Amazon UK