Short Film: 400 Ways to Kill a Vampire

This Christine Parker directed short was released in 2013 and comes in at around the 21:30 mark. What we get is a vampire hunter’s story and a lovely nod over to many classic tropes.

The opening credits have various clips from vampire films, shown in Black and White, and then it starts with a homeless man (Bill Mulligan) walking, with the aid of a staff, through the night time streets, moving into a wooded area and we also see a figure (Michael Ray Williams) following him.

He gets to a wooden bridge (over a depression in the forest floor) when the vampire following him is suddenly in front. Quick as a flash the man presses a Taoist prayer scroll to the vampire’s forehead, freezing him. As he takes the fake beard and moustache away the hunter – named as Vordenburg in the credits, the name being a lovely nod to Carmilla - explains that it doesn’t matter that the vampire doesn’t read Chinese or know of the book the kanji are copied from for it to work. He asks if the vampire can speak but he clearly can’t.

prayer scroll

Vordenburg explains that he is writing a book on how to kill vampires and claims 400 kills – later he says the kill count is 570 in 400 different ways – he also asks if the vampire will promise not to attack if he removes the scroll. He manoeuvres the vampire around so, when the scroll is removed, he falls from the bridge, this is followed by tossing a cross at the vampire who stumbles backwards and is caught in thorn bushes (later confirmed to be Hawthorn – and apparently the thorns cause the vampire to continuously bleed and eventually bleed to death).

worse things inn the night

The hunter takes a picture of the vampire (they can now, digitally) and sends the picture on, to have his organisation run him for an ID – guessing he was only two weeks turned. The vampire comes out with a pretentious vampire name and clan but the search says he is named Eddie, a high school dropout. Vordenburg wants to question him and eventually Eddie lets slip that he has a Mistress (Amber Teachey) – as it is she turns up. Vordenburg decides to leave his circle of protection to face what he realises is a very powerful vampire, knowing that pitting wills against her is dangerous but not realising the night might hold worse things.

the mistress

I did like the pitting of wills as the dialogue used indicated this was an inverted nod to Salem’s Lot and the pitting of wills between Barlow and Callahan. I also liked the various bits of lore tossed in – I was particularly taken by the idea of getting a vampire (a clan leader it is suggested) and dropping them in the centre of Jerusalem to watch them find something touched by Christ at every turn. The film does feel like a set up for more (either shorts or a feature) but it is still enjoyable in its own right. When I first started watching it I wasn’t sure, the opening scenes are deliberately dark and it just felt off a little, but as soon as the scroll was placed on Eddie’s forehead it had me.

The imdb page is here.