Friday, April 06, 2018

Honourable mention: Fangs for Nothing

This 2010 film by Andrew N. Shearer (the guy behind Space Boobs in Space) was originally called Fake Blood and was actually a fascinating little conceit.

Taking the role of Edward D. Benjamin, Shearer (who was also in Marty Jenkins and the Vampire Bitches) plays a married man who – when his wife (Cara Lott) was pregnant – was talked into using some of their savings in order to make a vampire movie. The coercion was by his sister Meredith (Monica Puller, Faces of Schlock) and her specialty is sfx – especially fake blood (hence the original title).

Mitsu Bitchi as Veronica
The film was be designed to make money; so lesbian vampires, boobs and blood. Kathy (his wife) is hostile at first but comes around to the idea. They manage to get a soap actress, Veronica (Mitsu Bitchi), as the vampire victim but he struggles to cast his vampire. Eventually he gets a local musician (who’s just been kicked out of her band for, it sounds like, partying too hard) but she doesn’t turn up for a read through. Then he finds out that she celebrated getting the role and accidentally killed herself.

film footage
Meredith has to take the role of the vampire but, when shooting starts, they discover that Veronica is somewhat stranger and more diva like then they thought. What we get is footage from their making of video (bar the odd scene from the production) as the film never saw the light of day…

And that’s it. It isn’t high cinema but it is strangely fascinating watching something you know from the outset will be a car crash go horribly wrong. No vampires, of course, but someone acting as a vampire.

The imdb page is here.

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