Monday, October 22, 2012

Honourable Mention: Monster High: Ghoul’s Rule

Oh Lawdy, lawdy but I do watch some absolute rubbish for the sake of this blog. How low can a toy company like Mattel go… pretty darned low it would seem as they take the good name of monsterdom and vomit their own special brand of kinder-capitalism across it. You know, I wouldn’t mind so much but when those bastions of Spanish pop-horror-punk (and stars of not one but two Jess Franco movies) used the name Barbie the po-faced company took legal action, hence the spelling difference. To do that and then pee all over the monsters of yore is just not cricket.

The reason for the mention is mainly the character Draculaura (Dee Dee Green). Pure laziness forces me to simply quote the Wikipedia description of the character (accessed 20/10/12) “Draculaura is the daughter of Count Dracula. She was 1,599 years old and is now 1,600 years old as of Valentine's Day, and her pet is a bat named Count Fabulous. Although a vampire, she is a vegan and does not drink blood, and is scared to say the word "blood" and faints when she hears it. She has fangs and pale pink skin, and is very friendly.
Clawdeen and Draculaura
She likes to write stories about her friends and loves to take long walks under the sun (with an umbrella, of course). She is dating a werewolf named Clawd Wolf who is also Howleen and Clawdeen's big brother.” Incidentally, I have no intention of adding a meta-tag of vegan vampire, so she has been relegated to vegetarian for the sake of the blog.

vegan vampire
Her in-flick story is a sub-plot about double-dating (or failing to) with Clawdeen (Salli Saffioti), which leads to forcing Clawdeen into speed dating… it is just so, monstrous… It seems that Clawdeen has never dated before and thus is scared (oh, the humanity, or not). The other Draculaura moment was a sepia toned memory of being driven out of the Old Country by normies, who saw her looking blood splattered (it was tomato) and assumed the worst. This feeds into the general paranoia vis-à-vis normies attacking the monsters on Halloween.

Thad sparkles
There is a potential further vampire character in the form of Mr Rotter (Cam Clarke) who has a Bela Lugosi-esque accent and also Thad (Evan Smith), who is Draculaura’s cousin and the subject of the attempt to get Clawdeen dating. If you thought it couldn’t get any worse then, hold on to your hats… he sparkles. Yup, that little trope has been added in to a programme ‘inspired’ by profit… I mean classic monsters.

And now I will go and shower and scrub, so very hard, until the memory is scoured from me… for those of you who might care, the imdb page is here.


Alex. G said...

I think I'll stick with Gravedale High instead thank you very much.

Taliesin_ttlg said...

Do so Alex :)