La Señora Muerte – review

Director – Jaime Salvador

Release date: 1969

Contains spoilers

A little while ago we looked at the Mexican movie Las Vampiras, which actually featured a dubbed John Carradine. Carradine actually made several movies in Mexico at around the same time including this, La Señora Muerte or the Death Woman.

Just as he did in las Vampiras, Carradine provided an opening narration but this is a completely different type of film and it features a (bad) science based vampire. Indeed there are overtones in this of Atom Age Vampire - which I didn’t feel was actually a vampire movie – but it edges much more towards I Vampiri.

Things start, however, with a couple in bed. Andres (Victor Junco) and Marlene (Regina Torné) are married and very much in love. She owns a successful fashion house and he is a doctor and, from their conversation, it appears that she cannot live without him and he… Well there is a dark cloud as he talks of death and it appears that is justified. He has what appears to be a heart attack and tells her to take him to Dr Favel (John Carradine) as only Favel can save him – she knows Favel has been kicked out of the medical and scientific community.

She follows his wishes however and takes her husband to what is a mad scientist’s lair. I have to say there seemed to be a clash between the main film that had a gaillo feel and the scenes in the lab that felt like they had been extracted from a movie shot 10 years before. Anyway Favel, who as well as the lab has a hunchback assistant called Laor (Carlos Ancira), confirms that Andres has degenerative cancer. He places the patient into suspended animation.

To save him, Favel says that he is replacing all his blood with healthy blood but something goes wrong and Andres dies. Not to worry, he can bring him back – he just needs healthy young blood – like Marlene’s. She offers every last drop and the procedure is scheduled for the next night. She gets back to her home and her assistant Lisa (Isela Vega) is there preparing invites for the next fashion show. Actually she is waiting on the designer Tony (Miguel Ángel Álvarez) with whom she is having an affair.

Marlene returns to Favel’s lab and he explains that he is going to draw her blood for Andres, treating it with radiation. She lies down and he starts the procedure but, again, something has gone wrong. She rushes to a mirror and half her face is old and twisted. Favel suggests that her system couldn’t stand the intensity of the treatment and her cells have partially degenerated and the condition will only get worse. However he can make her young again and save Andre – but the price is blood. She must kill to survive.

That is then the gist from thereon in. She kills young women and then drains their blood. This is done through a bottle and tube (off screen) and bizarrely – despite looking like it could only hold a pint – she manages to drain every last drop. The doctor has given her an injection (of blood or something else, was not clear) that makes her temporarily normal again and, actually, the aging almost seems random.

There is a side story with Laor falling in love with Marlene and expressing it by trying to rape her – but eventually becoming quite a sympathetic character, quite bizarrely. However the majority of the film is her taking out victims via piano wire and daggers and trying to frame Tony for the crimes. However there is a wonderful undertone to this, which makes this film stand out.

Marlene starts to lose it more and more and yet her madness is due to guilt. The killings are not actually a product of her vanity, she genuinely wants to try and save her husband in the first instance. Torné’s performance is brilliant and she imbues the character with just the right level of desperation. We see her crimes and yet we sympathise with her.

Favel, on the other hand, is just absolutely nuts and Carradine seems to be having a ball gurning at the camera with a multitude of insane expressions. It is just a shame that his dialogue seemed clunky and the poor dubbing didn’t help that at all.

This isn’t the best film of its type but Torné’s performance makes it worth seeing. 5 out of 10. The imdb page is here.

Las Vampiras – review

Directed by: Frederico Curiel

Release date: 1969

Contains spoilers

If there is one thing guaranteed to put a big old smile on my face it is the thought of a Mexican wrestling movie with vampires in it. Okay, not a single one I have seen is, shall we say, Oscar material but they all put that grin firmly into place. Whilst my critical faculties may baulk at the unadulterated badness of the films, as a viewer I revel in that very badness and, ultimately, films should be entertaining. When I hear that John Carradine is in the film, badly dubbed into Spanish, my anticipation soars and when I witness an interpretive dance routine in the middle of the thing... well does viewing schlock get any better?

The film actually begins with Carradine, as himself, introducing the movie. He asks us if we believe in vampires? He suggests that Lucifer is the most powerful of all spirits, able to make any man submit to his will and that vampires are his preferred demons. He actually reads this out of a book and ascribes it all to Edgar Allan Poe (who, to my knowledge, wrote no such thing) and then says that he, Carradine, has been a vampire… He fades from his chair.

Mil Máscaras (himself; who would go on to be in Los Vampiros de Coyoacán – which I have on DVD twice but cannot, to date, locate English subtitles for anywhere!) flies himself into town and then heads to a wrestling match. Unusually this is the only actual ring match we see. He is driving to his next match when there is a car crash and bats fly from the other vehicle. He gets to his match but his opponent is missing. Bats fly out of the missing wrestler’s locker room. We later discover that several sportsmen have vanished.

He is with a friend and the police officer Lt. Garfias discussing vampires, Garfias is dismissive. They put the news on and a reporter called Carlos Meyer is being interviewed about the recent crash of a plane from Transylvania Airlines but is cut off by the interviewer when he says he wants to warn the world about vampires. Máscaras asks his aid Alicia to get him some documents from a Professor Sinclair. In these papers he discovers that vampires need mild weather, high humidity and a certain blood type (that later appears to mean human generally)! It seems their natural form is that of the bat and they can transform into human shape (which was a little bizarre).

He decides to search a certain cemetery and nips off to see a cartographer he knows to get a map. A vampire, in the meantime, flies into his home in (really crap) bat form and drains Alicia. The police come but still don’t believe in vampires. Máscaras goes to the cemetery and is about to enter a crypt when Meyer approaches him – they go in together. There is a sealed area that is marked as belonging to Countess Dracula – they knock the wall down and bats fly out.

It seems that Countess Dracula, otherwise known as Valeria (María Duval, Samson vs the Vampire Women), has been trapped for some time after her husband was killed by humans. She meets up with Aura (Marta Romero) – who is the big bad vampire in this. You can tell that they are important as their costumes are a richer green than the ordinary vampires. It seems vampires are almost hunted to extinction. The only surviving male vampire, Branos (John Carradine), was injured by a splint of oak in his brain, has lost his powers and is quite mad. She keeps him in a cage. She thinks that one of the two who accidentally freed Valeria could be the chosen one who will become the new king of the vampires.

Máscaras and Meyer have worked out where the vampires’ hideout should be (a mountain with the same dimensions as the Carpathians!) when Aura and Valeria turn up at Máscaras’ home and spin some line about them and a girlfriend, Carmen, who has vanished and bats that flew away. They think she was attacked by vampires. There was some paper but they left it at the scene. Meyers and Máscaras get in the women's car and are locked in the back (a screen separating them from their kidnappers). I did wonder at how the vampire chicks got this spy film type car but that question quickly melted as I stared at the wonder of Máscaras and Meyer sliding from side to side, into the car doors, until they make the vampires crash. The women fly away in bat form.

How will they tackle these fiendish creatures? Máscaras suggests stakes, but Meyer tells him that only works when in human form. Meyer suggests fire and silver bullets are the way forward and it just so happens that his girlfriend, Carmen (Maura Monti), lives with her uncle who has silver bullets. They go there but her uncle is being attacked by bats – the form vampires chose when feeding Máscaras later reveals, though the film seems to disagree with his supposition – he is dead but at least they get their silver bullets.

Before heading off they go back to Máscaras’ place and suddenly they are attacked by a horde of henchmen in bad batman-type henchmen clothes. They fight them off and Meyer and one struggle with a gun, the henchman accidentally shooting himself in the stomach. He dies, disintegrating, whilst the other henchmen run. They are vampire slaves – remember the missing sportsmen. When drained the vampires inject them with a poison that makes them mindless servants of the vampires.

The vampires, however, have dissension in the ranks. It seems that Branos is not as mad as made out (he acts on it to keep himself safe) and just needs a good feed to get his powers back. Valeria decides that he should be king of the vampires and challenges Aura to Satan’s trial - a method that will decide which of them should be vampire queen. The trial begins with the earlier mentioned interpretive dance routine which Carradine seems to particularly enjoy (if his facial expressions are to be believed).

By the time the trial gets to the meat – a fight between the two vampire women using flaming torches – Máscaras and Meyer have arrived (fallen into an oubliette and faced a spiked ball) and when they are detected it brings the trial to a temporary end and uneasy truce. After all they have to deal with the two would-be vampire hunters and there’s still a good 35 minutes of film to go.

I haven’t mentioned, yet, the eye mojo that seems rather effective in this and the fact that they really must hide from the sun – though sunlight is never used in the movie except to give a convenient escape moment for the heroes. That is about all we get in the way of lore. I also haven’t mentioned the gladiatorial contest – there might not be the multiple ring matches but Máscaras gets to fight in other ways!

This is rubbish, it’s badly paced, and it has stupid ideas (a mountain in Mexico being identical to the Carpathian range). Yet it is still great fun, we have chicks in leotards dancing, we have a wrestler wearing several designs of mask (Mil Máscaras means a thousand masks and his trademark was to change them), we have John Carradine camping it up to the max, we have the crappiest of bats and we have vampires.

The film only deserves 3.5 out of 10 as a film – but you owe it to yourself to track it down, crack a beer or two (or your beverage of choice) and marvel at it.

The imdb page is here.

The Tomb – review

Director: Fred Olen Ray

Release date: 1986

Contains spoilers

Good old Fred Olen Ray, he really is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to B movie madness. This time around we have vampires with an Egyptian theme… and John Carradine .

Now there is no shortage of vampire/Egyptian connections. Be it Mummy’s with vampiric tendencies, the backstory to Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles or just the appropriation of the ankh into vampire lore. In this case it is less mummy more vampire.

David O'Hara as Banning

However the film starts with a jeep racing across the desert driven by tomb raider John Banning (David O'Hara) as a plane buzzes him. The plane lands and he meets the pilot, Jade (Sybil Danning, the Lair & Pale Blood). He hands over a bag, having first removed a bottle of beer – this becomes an on-running gag that he always has a handy bottle of beer, even if it is hidden in skimpy shorts. She is going to stiff him on payment for the artefact and kisses him to allow her gunmen to get into position – the script is good enough to have banning marvel at where they came from, sparing us the job. His guy Tyler (Craig Hamann) pops up with a gun and Banning gets away with the loot. The entire opening feels like an excuse to have Sybil Danning cameo.

the band

Cutting to a bar and a band sing Tutti Frutti. A waiter tries to suggest food and is dismissed by Banning, who calls him a rag-head. Given that Banning actually plays a fairly light role in the film as a whole there seemed, with hindsight, little reason to make him that detestable. Tyler comes in with a local, Youseff (Emmanuel Shipov), who has found a tomb and will lead them there for a price. There is a gag where Banning calls Tyler and himself gynaecologists rather than archaeologists – it was as unfunny as it sounds. They get to the tomb and it is undisturbed but unmarked and quiet bare. A statue of Bast is, depressingly, not gold under the paint.

emerging from her sarcophagus

There is, however, a sarcophagus – which Tyler is sure was not there when they arrived. Youssef tells the story of the illegitimate daughter of Ptolemy the Great, Nefratis (Michelle Bauer). She was said to be a Priestess of Set who maintained her magical powers by drinking blood and was buried alive in an unmarked tomb. Legend suggests if she was disturbed she would awaken. Banning nips out to bring the camels closer and Tyler follows (to suggest killing Youseff). Too late. A rather dishevelled Nefratis emerges from the tomb.

victim

By the time Banning gets back into the tomb both the others are dead – a nice hole in Tyler’s neck – and there is a rather refreshed looking Nefratis. Banning shoots at her and runs. She doesn’t chase, she suggests she’ll be waiting for him when he stops running. Banning gets back to the US but he has troubles. US customs are after him as they suspect he has artefacts and he has sold the two pieces collected from the tomb (that he had on him when he ran) to two collectors. Add to that Nefratis who finds him and sticks a scarab beetle in his chest that will destroy his heart if he betrays her, you see she wants her artefacts back.

John Carradine

Why – well it is in the lore that things get sticky. Nefratis clearly became younger again when she drank Tyler’s blood. To look at she is a young woman, with fangs and wearing one glove – her magic hand has long talons and is a bit greyer in colour than her other skin. We know she is a blood drinker but expert Mr. Andoheb (John Carradine) suggests that she needs to make a sacrifice of a woman every 7th moon, from which she will steal the life-force and soul of the woman to make herself young (which makes one wonder how she became young again in the tomb). The artefacts are an essential part of the ritual.

unleashing the magic hand

Yet, despite the rubbish gags (mercifully few and far between), the fact that Banning is dislikeable and then side-tracked as the protagonist and that the lore is made up as it goes along, it would seem, this isn’t entirely terrible. It’s one of those rubbishy films that doesn’t offend, doesn’t challenge and probably sits better with a beer. A cameo by Kitten Natividad (Red Lips) necessitates moving part of the film into a strip joint and there isn’t much else to say. 3.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

McCloud – McCloud Meets Dracula – review (TV episode)

Directed by: Brice Kessler

First aired: 1977

Contains spoilers

Now, it is a truism – that I hope I have demonstrated on the blog over the years – that vampires get everywhere. For McCloud – a 70s crime show about Sam McCloud (Dennis Weaver), who was a Deputy US Marshall from Taos, New Mexico who ends up assigned to a detective bureau in New York – the vampire episode happened to be the very last episode of the series ever.

Now, I must admit that I am not too familiar with McCloud but it seems it followed a familiar pattern of McCloud being sidelined from real cases by Chief Clifford (J D Cannon) but then ending up solving them, sometimes with the help of Sergeant Joe Broadhurst (Terry carter) and always with some country insights. He has a secret relationship with reporter Chris Coughlin (Diana Muldaur).

In this episode he is trying to get on the squad investigating a sniper who is terrorising the city. However he and Joe end up at a crime scene that is a little more unusual. It appears that the body has puncture wounds in the neck and no blood. Later, medical examiner Harvey Pollick (Michael Sacks) discovers that there are human teeth indentations in the skin also. One victim is bad enough but then we get more and more.

Despite the fact that the episode goes to great pains to hide the identity of the killer, showing only a victim's scream, a flurry of cloak, a top hat or a wolf’s head cane, we know from the opening credits who it is as they show a special guest of John Carradine! However our first view of him is in archive footage. Chris is researching (coincidentally) for a book on vampires and is watching House of Dracula. The programme pauses for an ad break and, bizarrely, when it returns it is clearly now showing House of Frankenstein. Of course both starred Carradine as Dracula.

In the show, however, he plays an actor called Loren Belasco – famous for playing Dracula and, he claims, a direct descendent of the Baron Exiton Von Dracula of Transylvania. Later he seems to claim that he is said Baron, and a vampire. At first, however, he is deemed as an expert who might help with the enquiries. I should mention that he has a creepy butler named Morris, who is played by Reggie Nalder – who, of course, would go on to star in Zoltan, Hound of Dracula and Salem’s Lot.

One thing I did like about the episode was the fact that we are never actually sure whether Belasco is a vampire or not. He does not have eye mojo and subdues his victims with a rap on the head from his cane… but then again he does manage to drain his victims and, it seems, he does it through mouth to neck suction, without spilling a drop and, presumably, drinks it all. He sleeps in a coffin, through the day, and has no mirrors in his home and yet can be filmed. He escapes, potentially, by diving into the river. His cloak is found but he is not and yet we see a bat flying off – just a coincidence due to a colony below the bridge?

In this way the episode keeps us guessing but what was unfortunate was that I am not really invested in the show or the character. It seemed to me that McCloud did little in the way of investigation (indeed Chris did most of that) and, of course, his capturing of the sniper (a case he has no involvement in) was pure luck. It just seemed all a little cheesy and lightweight – but fans of the show probably disagree. I couldn’t see myself watching other episodes, personally, but liked this for Carradine and the fact that it left the concept of the villain being a vampire open to interpretation but easily explained away as necessary. 4 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

;)Q

Vampire Hookers – review

Directed by: Cirio H Santiago

Release date: 1978

contains spoilers

As far as I am aware, Vampire Hookers is only available on a double feature dvd that also features the flick Cemetery Girls. We previously looked at Cemetery Girls under its other name Count Dracula’s Great Love. The strange thing is, this flick was also known as Cemetery Girls (as well as Sensuous Vampires) and probably suits the name better.

Before we look at the film it is probably best to mention that the double feature set – under the title exploitation cinema – cashed in on the Grindhouse revival and, as such, the joint US/Philippine film is pretty much un-restored (despite the claim at the head of the movie).

It opens with John Carradine, who plays vampire Richmond Reed, quoting poetry. He does that a lot through the film, often Walt Whitman or Shakespeare and later he claims Walt Whitman was a vampire (he claims the same of Shakespeare), amusing as Bram Stoker was an admirer of Whitman. One of the female vampires rebukes him and states that she knew Whitman and he was no vampire. I have said on several occasions that one had to feel some sense of embarrassment for the roles Carradine sometimes ended up in. In this he seems to be having a hoot – it is not a great film, but he really does seem to enjoy himself.

Two sailors, Tom Buckley (Bruce Fairbairm) and Terry Wayne (Trey Wilson) arrive in port – I assume Manila, given the joint production source but it is never stated and so could be anywhere. Tom’s landed in his first port and wants to find a gal – Terry makes himself out to be the more experienced but he is just as bungling. They meet up briefly with Eddie, their Chief, but he goes off in a taxi driven by Julio (Leo Martinez). They have misadventures around a trans-bar, with local cuisine (balut) and nearly getting mugged. They are saved by Eddie and Julio and end up drunk in a bar with them. Suddenly a babe walks in whom Julio claims to know – she is Cherish (Karen Stride). If Terry wants to get to know her he’ll have to give up everything he’s got. He puts his money down and he and Tom end up in a drunken fight over who saw her first. Julio takes Cherish and Eddie out of there as the MPs come in for the two brawling sailors.

He drives them to a cemetery and Eddie is somewhat concerned, however Cherish suggests she lives there. Unsure he follows her into a large crypt and we see a man, Pavo (Vic Diaz), lurking round the graves. Eddie mentions, negatively, sleeping in a coffin and she chides him, “coffins are for being laid to rest, not being laid.” She twists a mechanism and a sarcophagus springs open to reveal stairs into a lower area. She takes him to her room and suggests he get undressed.

Elsewhere in the tombs Richmond is approached by Pavo who tells him that a man has come. He and two other girls, Suzy (Lenka Novak) and Marcy (Katie Dolan) approach Eddie. They tell him he is to die. He turns to Cherish but she has sprouted fangs and bites him. As the vampires retire to coffin we see Pavo retire to a crate, though he is not a vampire – later in the film we discover he wants to be one. Inside he puts a tube to his mouth and we wonder why, until he farts – the smell becoming so bad he has to abandon crate despite the breathing tube. Pavo seems to be, mainly, a walking fart gag (and not a funny one at that).

A week has passed before Tom and Terry are released from the stockade, by then Eddie has been declared absent without leave. They head around town trying to find him until, eventually, they see a sailor get into Julio’s cab with Cherish. They follow it and Tom investigates the crypt (Terry is scared of graveyards, as he tells several people through the remaining film, though we get to hear very little of the anecdote behind this fear). In the crypt Tom finds the sailor strung up and being bled. Of course the vampires spot Tom – who just manages to escape with Terry because the sun rises.

The film then runs on a go back to the graveyard, get captured, try to rescue formula. It is Tom who returns and is captured – but the vampires do not kill him straight away. Instead the three girls decide they want a sex session and we get a rather drawn out orgy scene with Tom and the three – in which underpants seem to remain on. Obviously the boy has stamina because somehow he manages to please the three of them multiple times until the four are all too tired to go on.

What we didn’t need during this scene was Pavo watching and relieving himself – it was more puerile than the fart gags. However it is Pavo – bizarrely – who inadvertently saves the day. You see he suddenly turns vampire and is so excited that he starts jumping up and down and causes the crypt to start collapsing! This gives a distraction the heroes need, though the film ends with a twist that you’ll see coming from a mile away.

Lore wise things are fairly much the norm. Garlic and crosses ward the vampires off and you can Cushing a cross together that is most effective. The vampires cannot go out in sunlight, indeed one of the vampires complains about this most bitterly as she wants a tan – and amusingly then reveals tanlines over her boobs in the orgy scene. The same vampire wonders if someone has ordered pizza, and gets rather excited about the prospect, until Richmond points out that the smell comes from garlic bulbs.

The most effective method of killing a vampire seems to be a good old stake through the heart. Richmond can disappear and reappear seemingly at will. There is a crap bat syndrome moment but they appear to be natural bats rather than vampires transformed. We discover that the only alcohol that mixes well with blood is vodka and the vampires are getting heartily sick of bloody marys.

The film is poor – of that there is no doubt. But it is bizarrely quite watchable. Some of the jokes are puerile, some veer to offensive but Tom and Terry make a watchable pair of buffoons for the short running times. The girls are attractive – especially Karen Stride as Cherish. The thing that makes this most watchable, however, is the fact that John Carradine is clearly having such a good time – enjoying quoting Shakespeare, finding the whole event (including pimp hat) amusing.

Not a great film but strangely accessible. 3 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Nocturna – review

Directed by: Harry Hurwitz

Release date: 1979

Contains spoilers

Back when I reviewed the 1979 Dracula, friend of the blog Exclamation Mark left a comment suggesting that a friend of his called that version of Dracula, “Disco Dracula”. Well Mark, it actually seems that this film, which was released the same year and is also known as Granddaughter of Dracula, is the true Disco Dracula.

It begins in Transylvania and a man and woman walk the night. They stop and kiss. Now, if it were not for the title then the way the shot was set up cleverly made you veer towards the idea that he might be a vampire, but the film is about a granddaughter and she looks up and mesmerises him with some sparkly eye mojo, produces fang and bites.

Neon signs flash for the Hotel Transylvania and Nocturna (Nai Bonet) walks along as a funky disco track plays… okay, it won’t come as too much of a shock to discover that I don’t like disco music so the fact that this is a disco movie and the soundtrack was primarily disco left me somewhat cold. That said, the problems I had with the film were born of greater things than the disco age.

She walks into the hotel lobby and Theodore (Brother Theodore) compliments her on her looks, she asks if he has seen her Grandfather, Count Dracula (John Carradine), he hasn’t. She goes to the private area, opens his coffin and wakes him. It seems that he was forced to turn Castle Dracula into a hotel to pay his taxes… a fate almost as depressing as some of the movies Carradine ended up playing over the years.

This is one of my problems with the film, Carradine only has a cameo role really but, well where was the dignity? Oh, I know he made some stupendously bad films, after all both he and Brother Theodore had parts in Horror of the Blood Monsters but in this he is a toothless Dracula, who wears dentures. Worse, however, is to hear Carradine explain that back in the day he was known to be ‘hung like a walrus’. Anyhoo, he wants Nocturna to get married as she is last of the familial line.

Back in the lobby Theodore tells her that the musicians Nocturna booked have arrived and asks for a favour. Having checked that he is not after another date she realises that it is that time of the month (for he is a werewolf). She gives him the night off but refuses to hunt with him. Instead she checks out the rehearsals of the band The Moment of Truth. She watches them and then guitarist Jimmy (Antony Hamilton) approaches and asks her to dance – I guess his guitar skills were unneeded in the song that continued playing! She refuses but he eventually gets her to shake her funky stuff and she really enjoys herself, so much so that they end up bedding.

The next scene was a little odd, in content at least, as it was full on sexploitation. Nocturna walks into a bath room, in a chiffon robe that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, strips provocatively, bathes and then oils herself up. All the while Theodore voyeuristically watches, saying in the most disagreeable ways that he will have her (the character was made as thoroughly unpleasant as possible via dialogue) and her voice over goes on about being in love with Jimmy. I say it is odd because, as watchable as the scene was, the story (not the screenplay) was developed by Nai Bonet herself (and Nai Bonet enterprises co-produced the flick) and so one wonders as to how such an obviously sexploitative scene actually came to pass.

Anyway, at the band’s performance Nocturna dances and, at the height of the dance, she realises that her image has appeared in a mirror. She decides to leave with Jimmy and moves to New York, staying with Dracula’s old flame Jugula (Yvonne De Carlo, yes Lily Munster). From there on in we get very little going on. Oh there are plenty of disco scenes, either walking down the road with disco playing (when Nocturna was going to the discothèque and seemed to get out of her cab a whole song early!), or dancing in discothèques, and a further sexploitative scene with some vampire slaves, a massage parlour and a victim (Tony Sanchez, I think) whose performance was excruciating, to say the least... but little story wise.

There is a string of minor happenings that have little story impact, such as meeting with the BSA (Bloodsuckers of America). This leads to a cop wandering in and all the vampires turning into bats – in an excess of crap bat syndrome given that they are very poorly drawn and animated bats indeed. However the crap bat syndrome then repeats several times through the rest of the film.

Of course Dracula eventually comes for his Granddaughter (as he can’t let her date a mortal). The peril that is Theodore is a damp squib as he is utterly ineffectual, all misogynistic mouth and no fang or claw. Carradine looks utterly embarrassed to be stood, wearing cape, in a discothèque but at least Yvonne De Carlo seemed to be enjoying herself as she tried to get Dracula to leave his granddaughter be and dance along. Thankfully she failed – I don’t think I could have stood Carradine disco dancing.

It is down to Jimmy to save the day and we discover that Dracula really is toothless, metaphorically as well as physically. Jimmy pulls a cross – being the letter T from the discothèque’s sign, that somehow continues to be lit when he rips it from the wall. Dracula throws up cape, turns tail and retreats to Transylvania. As for Nocturna, well I don’t know if they meant it to be true love or disco music that turns her mortal, or a combination of them both, but she has developed a lack of appetite and eventually can face the dawn without harm.

So generally this was rather horrible, especially as there was little in the way of story (what there was could have, generously, been fit into a fifteen minute feature), but I found myself mesmerised and there was one main reason… Nai Bonet. Now don’t get me wrong, she couldn’t act and (except for a brief frown) her only expression was beaming smile it seemed and yet, she looked absolutely gorgeous, her poorly delivered lines were delivered with such a wonderful accent that your toes could curl and the delivery was forgiven, her smile lit up the screen and she was actually a belly dancer, which gave her dance routines an exotic edge.

Unavailable on DVD, as far as I know, it is ghosting around on VHS – Nai Bonet drags the entertainment value of this up and I give it 3.5 out of 10. The imdb page is here.