Thursday, August 15, 2024

Vampire Brides – review


Director: Gary Whitson

Release date: 1994

Contains spoilers  

A straight to video release, this low budget vampire film relies on the male gaze (though it is mostly coy about it and sometimes inept) to distract from the lack of story. It is clearly a flick that there was a cheap-end market for, however.

brief return home

As it starts, it is clear that the rip from video includes some quite wobbly sound, probably from tape degradation. We see a woman (Launa Kane) as her daughter, Nina (Amanda Madison, Red Lips) comes in (I will say that her name may have been Mina or Nina) and tells her that her boyfriend has kicked her out and she wants to come home. This is denied as her father had said once she was out she couldn’t come back. She takes this well and says that she’ll stay with Vanessa (Michelle Caporaletti).

Vanessa exercises

Vanessa takes her to a room (the sets in this are very limited, clearly restricted to what they could get). We then get a scene of Vanessa in the room exercising. The scene seems entirely made to look at her cleavage (obviously exploiting the male gaze) but said cleavage keeps moving on and off screen as the camera zooms but remains static as she moves from side to side. Anyway, after a good while of this Nina comes in, Vanessa says she’s going to jog to a friend’s and Nina decides to go for a drink.

vampire wedding

Back from her drink, at a bloke’s house, Nina is feeling it as is the guy (Dave Castiglione, Deep Undead) she is with – noting he is never named in the film. He’s feeling it so much that his fangs pop out (she doesn’t notice, the viewer notices they are loose and hang below his top set of teeth). He sends her away, as he doesn’t want to hurt her. Immediately after she has gone he sends his pet zombie, Anton (Aven Warren), to get her. This triggers a dream of her marrying the vampire (named as such as there is a vampire wedding) and them getting it on – male gaze time again, showing her in wedding dress and lingerie but coy enough to strategically cover her boobs.

Anton the zombie

It is here the story makes little sense. He had her, sent her away and then immediately sends his zombie to get her back (and he is quite a rapey zombie). He then keeps her bound and gagged, except for the times when he eye mojos her into being into him, and sends the zombie off to get brides for him. Now, bearing in mind he won’t turn her, he is happy enough to turn Vanessa and Nina’s mom. Why target those she knows, why turn them into vampire brides when they are just going to try and feed on Nina and be killed because of it?

Nina bound

Indeed after those two are dead he sends out for another bride who is a cop (Cristie Clark), and it is implied that she is investigating Nina’s disappearance (and that of her friend and her mother, presumably). Same thing, turn her, she goes for Nina and is killed for her trouble. For a guy who says he is so in love he doesn’t want to hurt her, he sure has a funny way of showing it – imprisoned, bound, mind controlled to make out, turning (and ultimately killing) her friends and family, and, of course, making other brides for himself. But its all ok. After the third attempt he gives up and (spoiler) kills himself to protect her.

bloodied mouth

The acting is amateurish but there isn’t really anything for the actors to work with, the story nonsensical and the sets (as mentioned) limited and dour. The ladies look fine, the vampire wears a cape for no good reason except it is what vampires do. The zombie is a bloke in a rotting head mask with gloves that seem to be made to ape rotting hands but are actually gloves we discover, when the cop finds a dropped one. Despite it all though, there was something watchable in this (perhaps the earnestness) and it will be grand for zero budget film fans. But for me, 2 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

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